Ken Padgett: Funny Vintage Ads (54)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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No need to visit the dentist for fittings. You can trust that dentures by mail will fit perfectly.

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"You sip...they strip!"
Sip 'n Strip Fantasy Glasses were sold by Spencer Gifts in the 1980s.

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The Electropathic Abdominal Battery Belt consisted of a series of copper and zinc discs linked by copper wire and fastened into a tight-fitting belt. There was no battery, but when placed next to the skin, the patient’s sweat was “sufficient to excite a mild continuous current.

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Zenith's second attempt at a wireless remote control, the Space Command used high-frequency sound to control their TV, spawning a new generation of couch potatoes and control freaks.

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Nothing says "Here's to You" like a cake decorated with plastic shot glasses containing fruit punch.

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Wait, how does Automatic Picture Control equate to shoving a woman in your face?

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Operation Orbit, made by Transogram in the early 1960s looks like a "console" toy but it was actually a game of skill. You had to land a little rocket on one of the rotating planets.

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The Dymaxion was a revolutionary design that could transport 11 passengers, reach speeds of up to 90 miles per hour, and got 30 miles to the gallon. Three prototypes were made, but design flaws kept it out of production.

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The user was instructed to place the metal tube or “Vocor” in a jar of ice water and then attach the the contact disk to the ankle. The colder the water the better the cure.

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Pin-up artist George Petty (1894-1975) frequently depicted women with their legs longer and their heads smaller than reality -- that said something about his priorities.

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"Helen was the kind of girl you couldn't easily forget..."

because her breath could knock a buzzard off of a dung wagon!

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Reducing creams that required "No Dieting" "No Drugs!" and "No Exercising!" to lose weight were a staple of advertising in film fan magazines of the 1920s.

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"So Pure You Can Eat It!" Not that you'd want to try.

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Yes friends, you too can sell personalized sanitary napkins door-to-door!

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The author of Sex Searchlights and Sane Sex Ethics, published in 1926 was a doctor who thought a photo of him in his WW1 uniform would make him seem more credible when talking about masturbation and other "Sex Secrets."

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The Erie Digger arcade game came out in the 1920s. Crain-type games were among the first to combine skill and chance.

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This early dictation machine by Edison recorded on wax cylinders, just like his early phonograph.

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Providing "pelvic massages" were a routine part of most Victorian doctors work, but as accounts in contemporary medical journals attest, it was tedious, boring and physically demanding work. The first electric vibrators appeared in doctor's offices in the 1880s and a device designed for home use soon followed.

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...and your head will turn into an emoji.

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Cut to the chase and show her just how much of a loser you are.

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After chlorine gas was used successfully in World War One to kill soldiers, some Army Officers noticed that workers in plants manufacturing chlorine gas got fewer colds. They developed the Kilacold chlorine bomb, a teardrop-shaped glass ampoule containing 0.35g of chlorine gas that was promoted as a cure for colds and flu.

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Despite the many testimonials from supposedly satisfied customers, it's hard to see how this device could restore hearing or relieve "head noises."

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"Handsome off-the-floor closet has its tank in the wall, makes cleaning quick, easier."
Don't put wall-to-wall carpet in your bathroom or you'll never vacuum up the mold growing in the carpet underneath that toilet.

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Bell's Asbestos - It's Safer with Asbestos

Asbestos protected those who wore the fabrics made with asbestos, but many workers who mined and milled the mineral at Bell Asbestos Mines, and the workers who manufactured or used products made from Bell asbestos, later developed mesothelioma and sued for compensation.

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The first cotton tampons were used in the 18th century to stop the bleeding from bullet wounds.

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In the early 20th century, Antiphlogistine was one of the old remedies for boils, poison ivy and chest congestion, first used in 1893 and created by Denver Chemical of New York.