Thursday, May 19, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (64)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Gold Dust Twins
"Goldie" and "Dustie", the original Gold Dust Twins, first appeared in printed media in 1892 and are one example from the era (1830s -- 1950s) when companies used racially stereotyped characters to promote products.
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Oakland Car Co - Glass Enclosed Comfort
It's our latest innovation for 1923; side windows for an additional $60.
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Vapor Bath
Steam your butt-hole to greater health in this portable steam bath that is "Used in all First-Class Sanitariums."
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Lane Steam Automobiles

The Lane Motor Vehicle Company produced steam-powered vehicles in Poughkeepsie, NY from 1902 to 1912. Steam autos never really caught on because they ran dirty, required lots of coal and water, and needed a lot of maintenance.
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Mattel Radio Rifle
The Agent Zero M line of toys from Mattel in the early 1960s
transformed everyday-looking objects into weapons and made young boys feel like real spies. 
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Chlorodent -- another woman for every man
There is another woman scheming to get your man and she might succeed if you don't do something about your bad breath.
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The Edison Phonograph
The technology that made the modern music business possible was discovered in the New Jersey laboratory where Thomas Edison created the first device to both record sound and play it back.
The Edison Phonograph Company was formed in 1887, to market his machine.
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Virginia Slims are slimmer than the fat cigarettes men smoke
Slim cigarettes made just for slim women who want to stay slim by smoking slimmer cigarettes. Slim Slim Slim. Get it?
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Mazda Lamps
Your child is failing in school because you bought cheap light bulbs!  
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Palmolive -- Girls with empty date books
"Made with Olive Oil to Keep Skin Soft and Smooth" and tasty!
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Stay on the Job until every Murdering Jap is Wiped Out
“Jap” was a ubiquitous racial slur during WW2, but racist depictions and descriptions of Japanese and other Asian immigrants were common well before Japan attacked the US at Pearl Harbor.
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Ovaltine stimulates hunger
The Federal Trade Commission went after Ovaltine in 1951, finding that it made many false claims about the nutritional benefits of Ovaltine and ordered it to cease and desist from making such claims in the future.
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Tucker Torpedo
The Tucker 48, commonly referred to as the Tucker Torpedo, was conceived by Preston Tucker and briefly produced in Chicago, Illinois in 1948. Only 51 cars were made before the company was forced to declare bankruptcy and cease all operations.
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Vestro bust developer
Aurum Medical Company advertised a cream in the 1890s that guaranteed "Women Made Beautiful." -- as if bigger boobs were all it takes.
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Auto-Lite Spark Plugs
This is an interesting way to illustrate how gas is wasted by bad spark plugs, but where did these hillbillys get a machine gun?
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Oil Stove -- Lively Heat
Cooking with "Lively Heat" instead of candle power will make you a great cook.
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The Police Key
The "Police Key" aka a skeleton key for police use is a myth.
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U.N.C.L.E Counterspy Outfit

The Marx 1966 Man From U.N.C.L.E. Counterspy Outfit had it all; weapons, disguises, trench coat and an attache case.  
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Florida Grapefruit Juice - Are you losing youth and vitality
The guy in the bottom right panel is about to assault his wife, so he might be feeling a little too much vitality.
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John D Fisk & Co -- Boots, shoes, rubbers
John D Fisk & Co, in keeping with the times (1880s), used racist stereotypes to market their products.
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Radithor
Eben Byers, a wealthy American socialite, athlete, industrialist and Yale College graduate, died from Radithor radium poisoning in 1932. Byers was buried in a lead-lined coffin; and when exhumed in 1965 for study, his remains were still highly radioactive.
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GI Joe
The conventional marketing wisdom of the early 1960s was that boys would not play with dolls -- then Hasbro came out with GI Joe in 1963 and made a fortune.
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National Lead
Lead once seemed like a wonderful all-purpose metal. Now we know that exposure to high levels of lead can cause anemia and weakness, as well as kidney and brain damage.
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Ancient Egyptians were some of the first people to use hair dye, applying henna to cover gray hair. The "Scientific Compound" claimed in this ad was probably just henna and lard.
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What to Do if A-Bombs Fall
What to Do if A-Bombs Fall?
"Kiss your ass goodbye" would have been the correct answer, but Civil Defense had to give people some hope. 
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Kelley-Koett Mfg -- Cutie Pie
Trying to market a boring looking technical device in the 1950s?
 Make it look like a gun, point it at a sexy girl and call it a "Cutie Pie."
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Button's Raven Gloss Shoe Dressing
Button & Ottley was in business from 1880 to 1910. The company advertised through a variety of means which were common in that era: decorative fans and Victorian trade cards; some of which contained poems about how the raven got its beautiful black coat from using the product.
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Turkish Baths at Home
Steam baths originated in Arabia, but were associated with Turkey during the Ottoman Empire. The designer of this Turkish Bath for the home thoughtfully included an easel to hold a book for you while you sweat.
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GE TV Automatic sound
"Automatic Sound - just tune the picture, sound is right every time!"
Let's hope so, since there is no "tuner" for the sound.
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Brooke's Monkey Brand
Monkey Brand soap was introduced in the 1880s in cake/bar form in the United States and United Kingdom as a household scouring and polishing soap.
 
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Buy a No Soliciting Sign That Really Works!