Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (70)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

 Space Patrol Helmet
 Space Patrol was a top-rated radio program and TV series from 1950-1955. Commander Corey and youthful Cadet Happy roamed the 30th-century universe in their ship "Terra" fighting super-villains Mr. Proteus, Prince Baccarratti, and other bad guys. Space Patrol was the first West Coast morning network program broadcast to the East Coast, via a massive network of cable and electronic interchanges.
New Improved Marlboro Filter
"New Improved Marlboro Filter" for tough guys makes you grimace with every puff.
How to have eyes that fascinate
Just have a crazed look in your eyes like this woman and people will indeed be fascinated -- or scared.
Motorola Hi-Fi in a table
This was Motorola’s 1960’s version of a coffee table. “It’s a bona fide stereo Hi-Fi and comes with AM/FM radio to boot!” Only $169.
Botany Ties in Sand Hues
 You're trying to sell ties for Father's Day, but instead of focusing your sales pitch on women and children, you decide to use a model in a bathing suit because that's what you always do.
Savage Tires
The definition of Savage = not domesticated or under human control, which doesn't make a lot of sense when applied to tires and is very offensive when applied to Native Americans.
Royal Typewriter Girls
Even in the 1960s, the "Girls" in the office (who prefer to be called "women") weren't the only ones using typewriters. 
Chesterfield Kings -- Too mild to filter
Chesterfield Kings -- "Too mild to filter" all those tars and carcinogens like PAH, N-nitrosamines, aromatic amines, 1,3-butadiene, benzene, aldehydes, and ethylene oxide that will eventually give you cancer.
Be a Railway Traffic Inspector
In the 1920s you could study to become a Railway Traffic Inspector (whatever that is) for a mere $43. You had to promise to pay them another $20 when you got hired, and they guaranteed you would be hired quickly or your money back.
Dr. T. W. Graydon - andral-broca discovery
in the 1870s, Dr. Graydon's literature promised to cure consumption by the Andral Broca method, which was a combination of worthless inhalation with worse than worthless medicines.
Phillip Morris - Smoking More
As we now know, tobacco companies quoting, "findings reported in medical journals by a group of distinguished doctors" means they are quoting their own paid lackeys.
Ethyl -- Better Judgment
Founded in 1923, Ethyl Corp pioneered the use of tetraethyl lead (TEL) as a gasoline additive. Early health warnings were ignored by the industry as leaded gasoline became more popular and profitable. Legal challenges began in 1924, after refinery accidents left workers dying from violent insanity. In their efforts to protect their profits, industry executives falsely claimed there was no alternative to leaded gasoline. Fifty years passed before scientific, court, and regulatory challenges put an end to lead additives in gasoline. 
Jello Souffle
A soufflé is a baked dish with a flavorful base. This isn't it. 
National Shirt Shops Hand Painted Ties
After the First World War, hand-painted ties became a popular accessory in the U.S. 
Famous artists would hand paint ties as a way of bringing art into everyday life. These loud, flamboyant ties sold very well through the 1950s.
Use the Pure Gum
The only "pure gum" is Mexican chicle, made from the sap of the sapodilla tree. Gum base (what gum is made from
today) is a non-nutritive, non-digestible, water-insoluble masticatory delivery system and it's a trade secret.  
ADA Washer
"7 1/2 lbs washed perfectly in 5 minutes?"
She couldn't even run that load though the wringer in 5 minutes.
Tandy 5000
$8,500 in 1989 is worth $20,345 in 2022.
"Monitor and mouse not included" 
Inches Away Reducing Belt
"Just wear one hour a day...some have lost 4 to 6 inches."
Unfortunately, wearing something around any area of the body won’t help you lose weight
, because water weight loss is not the same as fat weight loss. They do not work when combined with "sealer lotions" either.
Gas - Battleship Turrets
In 1943, consumers didn't know that burning natural gas also produces nitrogen dioxide (NO2), an air pollutant that can reduce lung function, cause inflammation of airways, increase asthma attacks, and exacerbate other respiratory issues.
CT-200 Transportable Cellular Phone
Not "portable" but "transportable."
That $1,199 in 1988 dollars would be worth over $3,000 today. The ad didn't even mention the fact that there was a subscription fee plus $1 to $2 per minute.
Nervine Tablets - Quarrel Started
Have a beer or a glass of wine instead.
Nervine contained bromide which was eventually banned because excess consumption of bromide can lead to various psychiatric, neurological, and gastrointestinal problems.

John B. Stetson gained inspiration for his most famous hats when he headed west from his native New Jersey for health reasons. On his return east in 1865, he founded the John B. Stetson Company in Philadelphia. He created a hat that has become symbolic of the pioneering American West, the "Boss of the Plains". This Western hat would become the cornerstone of Stetson's hat business and is still in production today.
Milk of Magnesia  - lights will come back on
Answers the question, "How can I turn a reference to
WW2 blackouts into an ad for Milk of Magnesia?"
Flit - No Mahm
The black dialect used in this racist ad originated in minstrel shows.
Birley's Antacid Powder
Mrs. F. E. Poxon says she was afraid to eat solid food for four years, until she started using Birley's. Her double chin tells a different story.
Modern family minus electricity
Electricity was a bargain in the 1950s. Now, not so much.
Pye automatic picture control
The Pye V4 was a 14" table model designed in 1953.
It incorporated Automatic Picture Control (APC) to prevent the the picture from breaking up due to aircraft passing overhead (a common problem in early TV sets).
How Britain Goes to Bed
Although synonymous with 1950’s and 1960’s style, baby doll pajamas originated in 1942. American lingerie designer Sylvia Pedlar created the style in response to fabric shortages during World War II. 
Cooltipt cigarettes
Filters have always been a marketing tool, designed to keep and recruit smokers. Efforts to design a "safe" cigarette always failed because the substances that are harmful in cigarette smoke and
the substances that provide the smoker with ‘satisfaction’ are essentially the same.
It's Real Printing!
Yes boys it's "real printing" -- all you need to invest is $8.95, which is more money than you will ever make with this printer.
Lysol Love Quiz
Between World Wars One and Two, Lysol Disinfectant was sold throughout Canada and the United States as a contraceptive douche for women. In fact, Lysol became the leading over-the-counter contraceptive sold on the euphemistically termed "feminine hygiene" market. But it was not an effective contraceptive and hundreds of women died from using
Lysol for birth control.
Du Pont cellophane 1954

In 1955, the US government brought suit against Du Pont for monopolizing, attempting to monopolize, and conspiracy to monopolize interstate commerce for cellophane in violation of the Sherman Act, and lost.


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