Monday, October 3, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (69)

  Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Cloverine Salve
In the 1930s, the Wilson Chemical Company perfected the art of recruiting young children nationwide via advertisements in comic books and newspapers to sell their White Cloverine Brand Salve door-to-door. 
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The Musical Saw
Just don't play on the teeth side, or you will not have a bow left.
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Talon Gap-Osis
",,,men are so quick to judge. Especially when the lady in question has "gap-osis."
Yes, men hate it when women show a little skin.
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Inches Away Reducing Belt
Forget about tiresome exercises! Just rub some of our special cream on this belt before
wearing it and the pounds will melt away.
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Mommie's panty and bra set
Encouraging young girls to act like adult women, including wearing lingerie, isn’t a brand-new phenomenon, but it's still creepy.
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Star Dolly Tub
You would think that by 1939 most folks in Britain would have electric washing machines, but apparently an iron washtub with a spout and a soap dish was considered a major improvement for many.
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Captain Video Space Rider
Captain Video and His Video Rangers, which premiered 27 June 1949 on the DuMont Network, was the first science fiction, space adventure program on television.
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56 Dodge Magic Touch
In a bid to meet the growing demand of women drivers, American automobile manufacturer Chrysler rolled out cars specifically designed for and marketed to women in 1955 and 1956.
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Camels -- Linda Darnell
Why? Because they paid her to pose with a cigarette.
Lind Darnell died at the age of 41 from a fire that the coroner's inquest said was caused by her careless smoking. 
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Sentenced to die by the 7th column
In World War II the Fifth Column was the name given to Axis agents who carried out subversive work on the home fronts of Allied countries. The Sixth Column was the persons residing in a country at war who are devoted to aiding the fifth column in its activities.
This WW2 era insurance ad tells Americans that there is also a 7th column -- "carelessness."
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Goodyear headgear for 1943
60 years later and football helmets still don't prevent serious injuries or disease. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is a progressive brain condition that's thought to be caused by repeated blows to the head and repeated episodes of concussion. The symptoms of CTE include memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, anxiety, suicidality, parkinsonism, and, eventually, progressive dementia.
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Hair Off -- unloved
"I once looked like this. Ugly hair on face..."
Nah. The only ugly hair I see is on your head.
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The Mighty Atom - Starring Reddy Kilowatt
Reddy Kilowatt was created in 1926,
by Ashton B. Collins for the Alabama Power Company. He soon licensed the trademark to power companies across the US. In the following years, Reddy would also be licensed extensively in the Caribbean, South America, Australia, Africa, and Asia.
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Hillman - Gay Look
Get that "Gay Look" in a Hillman auto. 
Hillman was a British automobile marque created by the Hillman-Coatalen Company, founded in 1907 and renamed the Hillman Motor Car Company in 1910.
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Space Boots
Get that bouncy moon feeling in Earth's normal gravity!
Ideal Space Boots from the 1960s were just inflatable snow shoes.
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Crosley Shelvador
Crosley began making refrigerators in the 1930s but it was the
1940s innovations "Shelvador" (shelves in the door) and water dispenser in the door that really caught on. 
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Re-groove your smooth tyres
Cutting new grooves deep into your old worn tires? What could possibly go wrong?
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Living Fallout Shelter
While Western leaders were telling their people that they could survive a nuclear war in the 1960s, Khrushchev, the leader of the USSR from 1958-1964 said it best;
"The living will envy the dead."
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Kellogg's rocket rings
 In 1951, Kellogg's offered Rocket Rings inside Pep cereal, one per box.
So if you wanted to collect all of them you had to eat 12 boxes of Pep. Rocket Rings were associated with the Tom Corbett Space Cadet show (1950 - 1955).
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Harley-Davidson Topper
In the '60s, the Harley-Davidson Topper "tops them all," according to the advertisements at the time. The Topper (1960 - 1965) was the only motor scooter that the Harley-Davidson Motor Company ever produced. 
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Hanky Panky Apron
"Would you believe an apron with sex appeal?" Maybe, but that ain't it.
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Kleenex - Cry Cry Again
Clean up after making some fake tears to manipulate your sugar daddy...Kleenex cuffs...Kleenex as napkins -- In 1941, Kleenex printed excerpts from customers' "True Confessions" regarding their odd uses for the product.
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Silva Thins
"Slim" cigarettes for women first appeared in the 1960s, and by the end of the decade "Silva Thin" cigarettes were created for men. TV commercials showed a man in sunglasses always dodging women who were trying to get his cigarettes.
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Philco Hyper-power TV
Now we know what's behind that speaker cloth -- a miniature orchestra.
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Fonz Watch
Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, better known as "Fonzie" or "The Fonz", was a fictional character played by Henry Winkler in the American sitcom Happy Days (1974-1984). The Fonz was originally a bit part, but became a lead character when he began surpassing the other characters in popularity. 
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Nature's Remedy - Constipated Since Her Marriage
"Constipated Since Her Marriage" and a joy to be around.
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Moto-Bot
Moto-bot was one of the many low-budget Transformers knockoffs. 
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Pennyroyal pills
Pennyroyal has been known since antiquity as a powerful abortifacient. When prepared to be consumed as a drink, this plant was employed to promote menstruation and expulsion of the placenta and fetus.
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Automobilist
With the introduction of affordable, mass-produced cars in the 1910s, more and more people left their horses at home and became automobilists.
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Edward J Woods Drink Habit
Women who wrote to Woods for the free book because they were worried about their husband's drinking and then didn't buy his "treatments" could expect Woods to write back constantly with horror stories about other women who meant to order the treatments, but their husbands died before they got around to it.

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Monday, September 5, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (68)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
"An acute case of nervous prostration brought on by female trouble."
 First marketed in the US 1875, Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound was a herbal medicine used by women to relieve menstrual discomfort and menopausal symptoms.
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Dr Morses Indian Root Pills
"To assist man when he overindulges in eating or drinking, and through lack of proper exercise, by helping renew his interest in life."
Indian Root Pills were first formulated and manufactured in 1854 by Andrew B. Moore (born around 1821, New York).
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KRON TV
Who are you trying to appeal to? "Popeye is Available" doesn't go with the art in this piece.
KRON signed on the air
in San Francisco on November 15, 1949, as a full-time NBC affiliate.  
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Goodyear Lifeguard Tubes

The development of "tubeless" tires and duel-chamber tubes eliminated their use as flotation devices, but it was a boon to the inflatable pool toy business.
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Seagers Egg Flip
"The gayest of party drinks."
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Leatherworks
The best way to sell belts to men?
Underboob! 
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Tangee Glowing Lips

Tangee is one the earliest lipstick brands dating back to the 1920s, that was a dye rather than a color. Tangee used an eosin dye that reacts with proteins on the lips to create a vibrant reddish color with a hint of purple. 
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Waverley Electric Delivery Wagon
Electricity was the preferred method for automobile propulsion in the late-19th and early-20th centuries, providing a level of comfort and an ease of operation that could not be achieved by the gasoline-driven cars of the time.
The Waverley Electric was produced from 1896 to 1914 and was called "by far the best electric on the market."
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Compuserve - By the year 2000
By the year 2000, Amazon will be the online shopping behemoth, while Compuserve will still look like 1984 and only be used by people over 60 on dial-up. 22
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Auto-fisherman
Does holding a fishing poll interfere with your beer drinking and napping?
"Get the NEW Shur-Hooker Fisherman!"
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Punch Me's
If your child is displaying aggressive behavior, give them a better place to release it. However, scientists have found that swinging at a punching bag can actually increase anger and aggression levels.
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Amm-I-Dent
Contains ammonium phosphate and  carbamide (synthetic urea), for that "glorious, refreshing Springtime taste." And if "urea" sounds like urine to you that's because urea is the main nitrogen-containing substance in the urine of mammals.
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He-man Voice
Can a guy named Eugene Feuchtinger really teach anyone how to have a "He-Man Voice?"
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The Hoover
The first upright vacuum cleaner was invented in 1908 in North Canton, Ohio by department store janitor and occasional inventor James Murray Spangler (1848–1915). Spangler then sold his patent to William Henry "Boss" Hoover (1849 – 1932) and son Herbert William Hoover Sr. (1877 – 1954).
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When in Quarantine -- call your mother
When in Quarantine -- remember to call your mother. 
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Suede Paint
Flok-Kraft was actually asbestos mixed with paint.
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Miles Nervine - automobile nerves
 If your wife is terrified of your driving, a couple of shots of Miles Nervine will mellow her out. 
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Aladdin Home
The Aladdin Company was a pioneer in the pre-cut, mail order home industry. Sometimes referred to as Aladdin Readi-Cut Houses, the company was the first to offer a true kit house composed of precut, numbered pieces.
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Castoria - Bad Mommy
"It all started when Mary needed a laxative...I tried to force it down her and she sputtered it all over the carpet. So I slapped her and said she was a bad girl..."
Well then you are a bad mommy!
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Moore Push Pins
Edwin Moore patented the "push-pin" in the US in 1900 and founded the Moore Push-Pin Company. Over the next few years he invented and patented many other items, such as picture hangers and map tacks.
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South Africa Holiday
South Africa, a perfect holidayland -- but only for white people. 
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Detroit Electric
By 1916, there were numerous American electric vehicle makers, with Detroit Electric both the market leader and the most prolific, but improvements in gasoline-powered cars ultimately led to declining sales and the company had to shut down production in 1939. Today, the name Detroit Electric has been revived by a new company based in the United Kingdom looking to produce a 21st Century version of the vehicle.
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Woods Peppermint Cure 1946
If your baby is almost as big as you, some alcohol might be necessary.
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Pickaninny Stockings
In North America, pickaninny is a racial slur referring to a dark-skinned child of African descent.
Even in the early 1900s it wouldn't have made any sense to name your product "Pickaninny." 
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Lifebuoy - Mother, Sue turned me down
Sue says it's because you're a grown man still living with his mother!
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Klipette
1960s price = $1
2022 price = $39
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Step out of your fat body
Guaranteed to work in 30 days or pay nothing, but they will sell you a 90-day supply -- just in case.
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Cleanable Collars
Because collars and cuffs were the most visible parts of shirts and the parts most likely to get dirty, separating them allowed people to
cut back on doing laundry 
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Coleco Pizza Hut
Heated by standard 100 watt bulb. Yeah, that sounds about right for Pizza Hut pizza.
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Carol has Syphilis
 Even cool girls can have syphilis!
Syphilis came to humans from cattle or sheep many centuries ago, possibly sexually.
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