Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Funny Vintage Ads (79)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Think-A-Tron
Hasbro's Think-A-Tron retailed for about $10 and came with 150 miniature punch cards with questions on each side; a multiple choice and a true-false. You inserted the card into the holder and turned the crank, then the front panel "lights" flickered before indicating the answer as "A", "B", "C", "T" or "F." 
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Youth Molde Head Band
Compression will not do anything other than decrease blood flow temporarily. It might cause your face or neck to look slimmer for a minute or two right when you take it off, but that's it.
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Rupture-Easer
"You can sleep in it...you can work in it...you can bathe in it."
 Uh-huh, and when do you wash it?
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Pepsodent Tongue Test
You can do the "Pepsodent Tongue Test" first, or you can just brush your teeth.
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Western Electric 1947 - Thrift
The "Thrifty Scotsman" is a cute stereotype, but there's dark one where Scottish people are unfairly characterized as being very stingy and miserly.
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Clean Your Lung Flues
So this is why my mouth is so dry in the morning.
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Mary Kitchen Rost Beef Hash
Add bacon to make it extra greasy.
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Mebaral -- He Overreacts
"When he overreacts to any situation..." you should prescribe a drug with the following possible side-effects; Agitation, confusion, hyperkinesia, ataxia, CNS depression, nightmares, nervousness, psychiatric disturbance, hallucination, insomnia, anxiety, dizziness,
somnolence and (my personal favorite) "abnormal thinking."
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Sunshine Washer
"cleans and purifies clothes just like a high priced electric washer"
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Viceroy - Do you think for yourself
The "Man who thinks for himself" won't be taking the quiz in your insulting ad.
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Mennen Skin Bracer - Now Get Swedish Girls
Advertisers love appeals to men's sexual frustration, but
this ad is so oddly specific 
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Arm Wrestling Machine with Chair
"$50 Firm. I know what I got."
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Shell - Booster Shots for Bumper Crops
 Do we really want to give this garden Golem a booster shot?
Shell's "Nitrojection Service" injects deadly ammonia gas under high pressure into the ground around crops.

Standard Plumbing Fixtures 1926
A "Good Example" for whom?
Yes, Grandma was so proud of her new sink that she never soiled it with dishes. She continued to wash all her dishes in a tub on the back porch.
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Television is here!
This was exciting news in 1935 for Londoners
who could dream of owning a TV set, but in 1939, the television service was suspended for the duration of what became WW2. 
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Parimat - 1957
"The Paint that laughs at Steam."
...might scare the crap out of you in the morning.
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National Casket - Turn the page
"Some day you may regret it"
Not if I'm the one who is dead. 
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Mum - Mr G
The lady thinks you stink!
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Reuter's - Pure enough to EAT

Pure enough to EAT? NO
The basic ingredients of soap are oil or fat, lye and water.
If swallowed, lye can cause severe corrosive burns to the throat, esophagus and stomach.
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Elastic Super Heroes
Mego negotiated licensing agreements with DC Comics and Marvel, and began selling Elastic Super Heroes in 1979. Kenner (makers of the Stretch Armstrong line of toys, beginning in 1977) believed they stole their idea and promptly sued. In 1982, Mego filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
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Scot Tissue - Teach Children Proper Bathroom Habits
In an effort to sell more toilet tissue in the 1930s, Scot Tissue insists parents enforce a rigid schedule on toilet training rather than letting small children develop at their own pace. 
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Lord-West-Kid
An innocent interaction between a father and daughter, or ...?
This is a relatively recent example, but the sexualization of children in advertising has a very long history.
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Jos Schlitz 1888
In 1856, Joseph Schlitz got a job as a bookkeeper for a tavern brewery. After the owner died in 1858, Schlitz married his widow, took over the brewery and renamed it the Jos Schlitz Brewing Co.
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Monel - Yeah Man
Yes folks, your mammy housekeeper will be real pleased with the new water heater. You want your mammy to be happy, don't you?
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Ex-Lax -- Cold

Looks like this guy is choking and about to pass out, and you want him to take Ex-Lax?
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Gillette - He felt like a tramp
He could have had that girl if he wasn't such a cheapskate. Gillette uses a guilt trip to con men into paying 5 cents each for blades that cost a fraction of a penny to manufacture.
Gillette did not invent the classic business model of "Give 'em the razor; sell 'em the blades. Gillette didn't lower the prices on his razors until his patents ran out. It was his competitors who invented the razors and blades business model."  
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Tootsie Roll - Life of the Party
13 guys and one girl -- no wonder she is the center of attention.
Leo Hirschfield invented the Tootsie Roll in 1896, and named it after his daughter "Tootsie."
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Maytag Multi-Motor Washer
The Maytag Multi-Motor Washer of 1917 had a gas engine attachment for homes without electricity. The gas engine could be detached and used for other household or farm chores, like pumping water. 
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Linia Belt
You'll never get through Basic Training with that on. 
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Koroseal -- Taxicab
"1000,000 people sat on this taxicab seat" -- and quite a few left some bodily fluids.
 B. F. Goodrich created the Koroseal brand in 1956.

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