Sunday, April 24, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (63)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Meprospan - Her kind of pressure lasts all day
Thinking of drowning the kid? Meprobamate has hypnotic, anti-anxiety, sedative, anticonvulsant and some indirect muscle relaxant properties and was used for anxiety and insomnia during the 1950s. Mixing with alcohol could be fatal.
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GE - FM radio brings you Jeanette MacDonald in color
FM radio's audio quality is far superior to AM, but you still won't see Janette MacDonald in color or even black and white.
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Lifebuoy - Jilted
Apparently her BO was even worse than that first dress!
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Tareyton - rather fight than switch
The “rather fight than switch” slogan was created by James Jordan of the BBDO advertising agency. It was the American Tobacco Company's most visible advertising campaign in the 1960s and 1970s.
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Proto Tools
Combine a little racism with a little sexism and you've got yourself a typical ad for tools.
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Fizzies
The original Fizzies candy was made with cyclamates and saccharin -- sweeteners that are either banned in the United States by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) or have been long studied for carcinogenic links.
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Real Man some day
Maybe, but what is a "real man" anyway? Opinions differ. 
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Quaker Rolled Oats 1896
In 1877, Quaker Oats registered the first US trademark for a breakfast cereal. The trademark was registered with the Patent Office as "a figure of a man in 'Quaker garb.'
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Magic Mirror Television
In 1949, Admiral Television was advertising their "10-inch direct-view picture tube" as a "Magic Mirror" even though there was nothing magic or mirror-like about the tiny 10-inch picture tube.
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Gold Dust - Fourteen Hour Wives
This ad accurately depicts the gender roles of the 1890s. The husband has come home from a hard day's work, had dinner and gone to bed, while his wife is up late scrubbing floors by lamp light.
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Tank-eating Tiger by Oldsmobile
One of a series of Oldsmobile advertisements during WW2 which featured a drawing of the shoulder patch of various military units that used the weaponry manufactured by the company. Unfortunately, in actual combat the M10 tank destroyer was not  as effective against German heavy armor as the ad or the patch would have you believe.
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Elektro and Sparko
Elektro was on exhibit at the 1939 New York World's Fair and reappeared at that fair in 1940, with "Sparko", a robot dog that could bark, sit, and beg to humans.
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Ronson Robot-Lighter
The Ronson Robot-Liter was the perfect accessory for lazy chain smokers who didn't want to bother with lighting their cigarettes while driving.
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Aladdin Homes
The Aladdin Company was a pioneer in the pre-cut, mail order home industry. Sometimes referred to as Aladdin Readi-Cut Houses, the company was the first to offer a true kit house composed of pre-cut, numbered pieces. 
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Pettit's Eye Salve
In 1842, Dr. James Pettit formulated his eye salve in Fredonia, New York. He claimed it relieved tired eyes and quickly cured eye aches, inflamed, sore, watery or ulcerated eyes.
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Digi-log Briefcase Portability
Digi-Log of Horsham, PA advertised this 23 lb "portable terminal" in 1975. This unit could not do any computing on its own and had to be connected to a mainframe via phone lines. 
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One-Date Girl
"She was a one-date girl" because she was constipated???
What kind of "date" are we talking about?
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Protruding ears
"A simple modern device sets them in position immediately, invisible..."
Also known as Scotch tape.
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Learn to Mount Birds
Boys!
Surround yourself with the dead carcasses of the innocent wild animals you have killed. It's fun and profitable! 
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Crest -- Look Mom No Cavities
Some of Norman Rockwell's most iconic advertising art was Crest's "Look Mom-no cavities!" series in the late 1950s.
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A warning to people who make obscene phone calls
The phone company is monitoring you. Be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID!
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Naugahyde
Uniroyal's marketing campaign of the 1960s and 1970s joked that Naugahyde was obtained from the skin of an animal called a "Nauga". The campaign emphasized that, unlike other animals, which must typically be slaughtered to obtain their hides, Naugas can shed their skin without harm to themselves.
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Rosella Vegetable & Sausage
Is that what it looks like before or after you eat it?
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Dr Campbell's Safe Arsenic Complexion Wafers
"It is better to look good than to feel good." -- Fernando Lamas, played by Billy Crystal, in the TV show Saturday Night Live (1985).
Arsenic poisoning is associated with nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, severe diarrhoea, encephalopathy and peripheral neuropathy.
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Stammer School
"...attend no stammering school till you get my big new FREE book and special rate"
Wait. What? Why can't one get the "special rate" and the free book first? Am I paying the standard rate for the school and then paying a special rate for the free book?
Or is it saying don't attend ANY stammering school till you get the free book and then attend their stammering school? Maybe they should offer a course in ad copy writing instead.
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Get a new Ford
The 1909 Ford Model T Touring Car sold for $850 in the US; slightly higher in Hawaii and overseas.
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Ovaltine -- Thin and nervous
A doctor attributing a child's nervousness to a vitamin deficiency that can be resolved by giving them Ovaltine is some serious malpractice.
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Clairol Air Brush
"Fastest way for a guy..." to fluff up his helmet hair.
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Virol Children are Healthy Children
Virol, a British brand of malt extract preparation that also included bone marrow, was designed as a nutritional supplement for the feeding of infants
and was first manufactured in London in 1899
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1952 Midwest Video Grand
This console television - radio - record player, sold in 1952 for the equivalent of about $
4,724 today.
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