Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Funny Vintage Ads (77)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Brylcreem - Edd Kookie Byrnes
Edd Byrnes, was an American actor, best known for his starring role in the television series 77 Sunset Strip in the late 1950s where he constantly combed his ducktail, aka "DT" hairstyle.  
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International Harvester - reached you by truck
Apparently, the kids arrived with the help of a truck driver as well.
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Zonite - Intimate physical facts
"She must make her daughter realize there's an offensive odor which she herself may not detect but is so apparent to people around her."
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Johnny Seven O.M.A.
In 1964, Topper Toys released The Johnny Seven OMA (One Man Army) and indeed it was! This rifle from hell could unleash an amazing array of seven different lethal plastic projectiles, from little bullets to big grenades and anti tank rockets.
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Hemo Boy
No. I will not make a pun about "Homo Boy"!
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Asbestos - The Magic Mineral
Until the 1970s, asbestos was seen as a magic material renowned for its strength, fire resistance and insulating properties. Then it was discovered that asbestos can cause cancer many years after exposure.
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Thomas Jefferson - Runaway Slave
Thomas Jefferson was a true Renaissance Man – a scholar, a philosopher, a diplomat, and an architect, but if one of his 600 slaves ran away they could expect to be beaten when recaptured. 
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When you need an insurance man - Independent Insurance Agent
You need an Independent Insurance Agent, but he's not going to help with the cops or get you to the church on time.
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Universal Food Chopper
OK, but it might jam up on you if you try to insert a whole pig.
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Oldsmobile - The Best Thing on Wheels
In 1902, Oldsmobile advised potential buyers that their car, "outwears a dozen horses, is always harnessed, always fed..."
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Knott's Berry Farm & Ghost Town
The Knott family bought their farm in 1920 in California and started growing berries. By the 1930s they had opened a restaurant serving fried chicken and in the 1940s they built an "old Western ghost town." In 1969, they started building the huge theme park called Knott's Berry Farm.
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Dr Mackenzie's Menthoids
"This famous blood purifier not only rids the system of toxic fluids causing ugly fat, but in many cases banishes ill health from aches and pains."
 Toxic fluids cause ugly fat? Who knew!
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Drano - Sewer Germs
Any "Sewer Germs" living in your drain came from what you put in the drain and not the sewer, but f
ear has always been a popular marketing technique. 
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International Electrical Exhibition 1884
The International Electrical Exhibition was held in Philadelphia, PA in 1884 and included such revolutionary inventions as the electric light bulb, telephone and electric motors.
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Postum - Which face
Looks like he's having a stroke! 
In case you're wondering; Postum is an instant coffee alternative made of roasted, wheat, wheat bran, molasses and wheat starch.
 Yeah, I'd make that face too!
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Bell --  Betty Sue - Her first phone call
Back in the days of one dial telephone per household, you could at least monitor what your child was doing on the phone. Now, kids as young as this girl and younger, are getting their first cell phones.
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Babe Ruth uses Lousiville Slugger
Early in his career, Babe Ruth swung a monster 50-ounce bat, the heaviest Louisville Slugger model ever produced. 
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85% of MG Midget owners are men
Buy an MG Midget and your girlfriend will be happy to fondle your hand brake. 
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You Too Can Sink U-Boats
Dr Seuss did many cartoons for the US government during WW2.
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Wards Video World of Sports
 Video gaming in the 1970s was pretty basic, but still new and exciting to be playing games on the TV.
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Hanes - I could shoot myself

"All she wants from me is seamless stockings"
Well, at least you don't have to spring for dinner before finding out. And stop being so dramatic. 
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Bell Telephone - Two bongs and a bing
You should probably wait till you get home for the two bongs. 
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Big Money Home Import Business
B. L. Mellinger, started his company in 1948, selling a manufacturers directory for importers/exporters. In 1990, he was shot several times in the chest by his wife, who claimed she thought he was a burglar, but police said they had been having marital problems for some time. She was convicted and only sentenced to 9 years.
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Norge - Weather Guard
Using a picture of a kid sitting inside a refrigerator...what could go wrong?
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Geritol - Women take better care of themselves
Some women don't dye their grey hair and others get fancy makeovers before a photo-shoot. In fact, the Geritol formula that was being made in the 1950s and 1960s contained 12% alcohol. Geritol was sued by the FTC in the 1970s for making false claims.
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Nigger Head Tees
Nigger Head Tees were distributed in the 1930s and 40s by Philpot Brokerage Co. of San Francisco. 
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"Strong enough to hold a horse."
Before air conditioning, t
his was one way to escape the sweltering summer heat. 
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Canon - Buna Bathtub
What? This is definitely not gay. It's just some playful, naked men admiring each other's bodies and having a fun time in a war zone.
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Illustrated Mink
"When every girl wears mink..."
There will be a lot of red paint being thrown around.
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Cracker Jack 1921
In 1908, Cracker Jack was immortalized in a song that was to become a favorite of baseball fans. In "Take Me Out to the Ball Game," lyricist Jack Norworth (1879–1959) penned the line, "Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack."
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Buy a No Soliciting Sign That Really Works!
 
That Really Works!