Thursday, December 7, 2023

Funny Vintage Ads (83)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Snolegauster - 1880
 
 This 1880s trade card showing a mammy and her charge refers to a cigar as a "Snolegauster." 
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Listerine - Will it ever come to this
"Will it ever come to this? ...It's not a bad idea."
 Listerine likes the self-serving idea of making women with bad breath wear a bell around their neck to warn others of their approach. 
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KFC Menu 1970
Colonel Sanders sold his company and his image in 1964 to a group of investors for $2 million. KFC is now owned by "Yum" brands.   
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Whitmans - Me? I don't know much about women
 Whitman's, the candy that turns any moron into a catch.
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Schlitz pure water - 1903
Throughout the first half of the 20th century, the Milwaukee-based Joseph Schlitz Brewing Company was America’s largest brewer. Its flagship beer, Schlitz, known as “the beer that made Milwaukee famous,” was a beloved and iconic American-style lager. In the 1970s, in response to declining market share, Schlitz tried to cut production costs by using cheaper ingredients and accelerating the brewing process, but the customer base wasn't buying and their fortunes continued to decline. Schlitz sold its assets and closed its Milwaukee brewery in 1981. The brand is now owned by Pabst. 
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Parakeet Diapers
 "Idiots Delight Unltd." enjoyed insulting their customers.
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Iran - Guess Who's Building Nuclear Power Plants

The Nuclear power plants we helped build for the Shah of Iran became a threat to us after he was overthrown in 1979 and replaced with an Islamic republic hostile to the US. 
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3 All-New Swanson Dinners - 1964
You could "Trust Swanson" Dinners of the 1960s to include a few peas in your apple slices.
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Hercules Suspenders - 1895
Suspenders became an important part of men's wardrobe with the advent of trousers in the early 19th century. 
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Domestic SewMachines
  "You just haven't sewed for fun until you've tried a Domestic Sewmachine"
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150 Civil War Soldiers - 1961
Many a boy was disappointed when he received this set of "150 Civil War Soldiers" because they were just flat pieces of molded plastic.
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Fairbank's Fairy Soap
Nathaniel Kellogg Fairbanks was born in Sodus, New York County in 1829 and moved to Chicago after the civil war where he created a business importing cottonseed oil and processing the manufacturing of soaps.
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Waldorf Tissue - Toilet tissue illness
By the 1940s, Scott Tissue was getting a little desperate; blaming "toilet tissue illness" on poor quality toilet paper. 
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Breck's Pipe Cleaner Art
Established by Joseph Breck, the Breck’s brand was family owned for five generations, starting 1818 with a seed, lawn and garden store in Boston, MA. By the 1950s, their advertising devolved into trying to sell colorful pipe cleaners for Pipe Cleaner Art. 
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Snickers - When he comes home from school
Back when candy bars had paper wrappers
and incestuous subtext...   
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Mail Pouch Tobacco
Starting in 1897, cigar makers Aaron and Samuel Bloch found a use for tobacco clippings normally considered waste. They flavored and packaged them in small paper sacks and sold them as chewing tobacco. 
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Cushman models - Super Eagle, Pacemaker, Truckster
Founded in 1901 in Lincoln, Nebraska as a manufacturer of small internal-combustion engines for farm equipment and boats, the Cushman Motor Works added motor scooters to its product line in 1936. 
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Vi-Tal 22
 "When younger girls are ready for fun..." This pill definitely won't help.
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Joan Crawford RC Cola
She advertised for RC Cola in the 1930s and 40s. Then Joan Crawford married the Chairman of the Board of Pepsi in 1955 and became one of their spokeswomen. After her husband died in 1959, she was elected to the board of directors. 
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Bell Telephone - Nothing Like extension

There was nothing like a handy extension phone and the more the merrier, because the Bell Telephone System had a monopoly on phone service from the 1940s until 1982, when the company was broken up by an antitrust lawsuit from the US Justice Department.

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Swastik - India Soap - 1920
This ad from the 1920s was made before the Nazis turned an ancient symbol of well-being -- the swastika -- into a symbol of hate. 
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Billie [Minnie] Barlow - 1890
Soprano and actress Billie [Minnie] Barlow was born in London in 1862 and died in in 1937. She traveled the world appearing on the stage and in comic opera and burlesque.
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Burlington's Vista-Dome - 1945
Burlington's Vista-Dome (1945) put passengers above the other cars and encircled them with windows, creating a more visceral experience. They were always very popular with passengers, but also very expensive to operate.
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Paul Jones  - 1955
Somehow "Old Colonel Paul Jones" survived the Civil War, and kept his "property" so he can sit on his porch and reminisce about the old South.
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Scott Tissues - harsh
 "There is no form of human illness quite so humiliating as rectal trouble."
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Hot John
The Hot John - for the person who "thought" he had everything, but didn't know they would need extension cord in the bathroom to plug this "gift" in.
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Mobo Bronco
The Mobo Bronco moved forward as you pressed down on the "stirrups." It was hand painted on pressed metal in England beginning in the late 1940s, and many were sold in the US. Initially, the Bronco could only be ridden straight ahead, but in 1950, "magic steering" was introduced.
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Lena Horne - The Bronze Venus
Lean Horne's first film, The Bronze Venus was originally released in 1938 as The Duke is Tops. In 1942, Lena Horne became the first Black woman to sign a long-term contract with a major studio. Horne fought racial and social injustices throughout her career, fundraising for groups like the NAACP, and singing at civil rights rallies, including the March on Washington protest in 1963 where Martin Luther King gave his “I Have a Dream” speech.
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Celluloid Collars and Cuffs
Celluloid was the first commercially produced plastic and was used to mimic the look of starched linen. In the 1880's celluloid became an increasingly common and often preferred material for men's detachable shirt cuffs and collars when the waterproof collar replaced traditional linen. 
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Pepsodent test for bad breath
"Sticking out your tongue isn't polite"
It isn't a test for bad breath either, because
the back of the tongue is where high levels of volatile sulfur compounds, caused by anaerobic bacteria are located that cause bad breath.
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Buy a No Soliciting Sign That Really Works!

 Buy a No Soliciting Sign
That Really Works!