Tuesday, February 25, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (34)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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RCA -- a referee's eye view of every play - by Television
 "A referee's eye view of every play -- by Television!"
As long as you sit 6 - 12 inches from the screen.

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Mum -- Politeness has its limits
"Wise women everywhere prefer Mum for Sanitary Napkin use."
Thanks for sharing!
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Mass Produced Neutron Reactors
Given what we know now about the dangers of nuclear power, it's hard to imagine there was ever a time (1960s) when any business could buy their own neutron reactor -- and for only $120,000!
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Atomic Plastic Suit
 How stupid does one have to be to work in the nuclear industry and also believe that this plastic suit would protect them in an area contaminated by radioactivity?
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Luckies Santa - a light smoke
 Santa prefers Luckies!
Once upon a time, cigarettes were a Christmas present favorite – the gift that kept on giving (cancer).

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Bell System introduces Picturephone service
The picturephone was introduced in April 1964 at the New York World's Fair, only to be withdrawn as a commercial failure a few years later. Several attempts were made by Bell and AT&T over the years since, but the dream was only fully realized with smartphones.
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Enjoy Thrilling Adult Party Movies

Before the internet there was home video and before that, those who wanted to enjoy "Thrilling Adult Party Movies" had to buy films and a cheap projector from ads in the back of "Men's" magazines.
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August 1953 issue of Woman’s Day contained instructions for making your own Space Patrol Helmet 

 The August 1953 issue of Woman’s Day contained instructions for making your own Space Patrol Helmet with household items.
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If you're givin' it up, you're going steady with Hitler
Because sex before marriage is immoral and immorality begets Nazi babies.
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Barcol Radio Control Garage Door Opener
"It's a simple matter -- your just push a button on the instrument panel in your car, and the door opens!"
The first electric garage door opener was invented by Mr. C. G. Johnson of Hartford City, Indiana in 1926.
Remote radio controls were added in the 1940s.
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Oxyodol Sparkle 
"Honey" seems a little too happy about the whole thing.
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Ham Banana Rolls

United Fruit Company wants you to know that Ham Banana Rolls are "Fun to Make" and "Easy to Digest" but they don't say it "Tastes Good" because it doesn't.
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Reefer Cigarettes - This isn't normal
Well, that explains why "Reefer" is so popular!
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Lysol - Too late to cry out in anguish
During the 1920s -- 1960s, “feminine hygiene” was a euphemism for birth control because it was illegal in the U.S. until 1965. The most popular brand of contraceptive douche, Lysol, contained cresol and could cause severe inflammation, burning, and even death.
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Diapers for Parakeets
The bird diaper was patented in 1959 by Bertha Dlugi of Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
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Listerine - wisk broom blues
The Pullman porter is annoyed because he won't be making any tips brushing your dandruff flakes off of your suit jacket. But if you're using Listerine on your head to control dandruff, you might want to do something about the smell as well.
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Spanish Friendship
These girls are lovely and exotic, and yet they are also lonely and eager to meet me. Sounds legit!    
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Boss Nigger -- 1975
Boss Nigger was released during the blaxploitation era (early 1970s).  Two black bounty hunters ride into a small town out West and take over, much to the chagrin of the white populace.
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Kraft Space Ship Contest
In 1959, the Kraft food company held a contest to win a number of space-related items, and the grand prize was an actual space ship simulator, complete with space suits and helmets, that was built by the Aerojet-General Corporation.
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Disaster May Never Occur Here
 "Disaster May Never Occur Here"
...but if it does, you'll be running from a cruise missile that is headed for straight for your butt.

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Town Dump board game
The object of Town Dump is to clear waste out of your dump and onto your rival’s property, which teaches a valuable lesson -- Let your discarded trash become someone else’s problem.
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Philip Morris -- Born Gentle
In the 1950s, depictions of babies in cigarette ads reinforced the respectability of smoking as a part of normal family life.
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Dr Jeanne K Walter -- Don't Stay Too Fat
 Dr Walter's solution to excess fat was to sweat it off by wearing a rubber garment.
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MOR -- Yes, More is different. It has something.
 MOR was Wilson & Co's version of Spam (canned pork). Wilson claimed that their pork was the invention of an "immortal chef" who -- "through long and loving labor" -- came up with an "epicurean" flavor.
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Cockroach Racing
 In the 1910s, the International Mutoscope Reel Company, makers of arcade machines and dime museums sold this a cockroach racing kit (complete with "Special Racing Roaches") as a business opportunity.
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NABISCO sugar wafers
In 1898, William Moore, Adolphus Green and John G. Zeller merged their bakeries to form the National Biscuit Company, with Adolphus Green as president. The first use of "Nabisco" was in a cracker in 1901. The firm later introduced — either through development or acquisition — Fig Newtons, Nabisco Wafers, Barnum's Animal Crackers (1902), Lorna Doones (1912), and Oreos (1912).
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Oh Lord, Why do I throw like a girl?
What does it mean to "throw like a girl" in this WW2-era poster? It's meant as a put-down, but it reveals how stereotypes become self-fulfilling prophecies. Men have always been taught to use their entire bodies for a physical task, but (until very recently) women were been conditioned to limit their physicality.
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Hot Tripe for Cold Days
Tripe (cow stomach) and cowheels (heel of a cow) may be easy on the digestion, but they are definitely not for the squeamish. 
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Low Cost Nuclear Waste Disposal
From 1946 through 1993, thirteen countries used ocean dumping as a way to dispose of nuclear/radioactive waste that remains hazardous for hundreds of thousands of year. They put the waste into 55-gallon drums and dumped those drums into the ocean.
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For Christmas -- Solid Plastic Toilet Seat 
The perfect Christmas gift!

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (33)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Vox Discotape Unit

The Vox Discotape Unit was truly ahead of its time because it preceded the Disco era by a few years. It included two turntables, a cassette tape deck and a 50-watt amplifier for people who had no musical talent but still wanted to be the center of attention.
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Handie-Talkie -- The Fightingest Radio in the Armed Services
During WWII, soldiers on the front lines used 2 way radio walkie talkies to communicate with commanders. Developed by Motorola Electronics Engineers, the “Handie Talkie” was a battery-powered radio receiver and transmitter no larger than a cracker box.
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Thermodor - Stacked for Convenience
Yes, that would be convenient...
Fans of the old Dick Van Dyke Show may recognize "Mel Cooley" the producer of the fictitious Alan Brady Show and comic foil for Dick, Buddy and Sally.

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Ovaltine - He won't stop breaking wind
 "Many times the child who has uncontrollable flatulence needs a diet correction -- not a spanking!
Ah, the good old days. Apparently, in the 1940s it was normal to spank a kid for farting.
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Tecnico -- A care-free stroll gives you Lovelier Floors

Lovelier floors are just a "care-free stroll" away!
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Dr J S Frost Burlington, NC
 This character looks a lot like Alfred E. Neuman of Mad Magazine and he showed up in many early newspaper ads for dentists.
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Swift's Meats for Babies
A lot of people today probably think that meat is too difficult for babies to digest, but actually grains are more of a problem because babies do not make enough amylase, the enzyme needed to break down carbohydrates, while babies do produce the enzymes and stomach acid needed to break down proteins and fats.
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Sanka - Quit snooping...you snoop
"Write cheerful stuff and keep complaints to yourself. You ought to be ashamed!"
This wartime (WW2) Sanka ad admonishes people (via their "Wartime Conscience") who complain about rationing when writing "V-Mail" to American servicemen.
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Sno-blo nose doucher
In the 1970s, "Sno" or "Snow" were euphemisms for cocaine powder.  This nose douche was designed for cleaning out one's nose before "snorting".
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Proctor -- ways to please a lady
She is plotting how to get even while he sleeps...
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Modess -- Happiness is a gay ribbon
"Happiness is a gay ribbon..." or a "more luxurious sanitary napkin." Wait. What?
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The Del Mar - Del Mar Motors, Inc
In 1949, the Del Mar was advertised as, “America’s Lowest Priced Standard Passenger Car.”  Who could turn down $1170 for a 4-Cylinder, 63 H.P. beast? Apparently a lot of people, because the car never actually made it into production.
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Pears soap was first produced and sold in 1807 by Andrew Pears, at a factory in London, England. It was the world's first mass-marketed gentle soap and it was also translucent, which made it seem pure and safe for the skin. 
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Drummond Sweaters -- Men are better than women

"Men are better than women. Indoors women are useful -- even pleasant! On a mountain they are something of a drag." So when you want to show off your new Drummond sweater, there’s no need to haul your incapable wife up a cliff.
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Trained Drinking Monkey
Oh look! A monkey that smokes and drinks all your booze. That's as useful as a jobless, alcoholic roommate.
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Honeywell -- What the heck is electronic mail?
Does Tinker Bell deliver the email? Back in the 1980s, electronic mail seemed like a great idea. Little did we know how spam would eventually ruin it. Spam messages accounted for 54.68 percent of e-mail traffic in September 2019. And no one is exempt from it. Microsoft founder Bill Gates receives four million emails per year, most of them spam.
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Burgess Meredith for Aqua Velva After-Shave Club 
Burgess Meredith was almost 50 when this ad for Aqua Velva After-Shave Club appeared, talking about how young and healthy he looked.
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Emilio Pucci ski mask

This Emilio Pucci ski mask debuted on the slopes in 1962. It would have been a better fit for a bank robber or a Hannibal Lechter collection.
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Sears Pong TV Table Tennis Game
Pong, released in 1972 by Atari, was the first commercially successful home video game. It doesn't look like much today, but it started an revolution in game consoles.
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The Super Chief
"By the time you're a full fare, it might come true!"
The Atomic version never happened, but "The Super Chief" was the first Diesel-powered, all-Pullman sleeping car train in America and the flagship of the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway. It claimed to be "The Train of the Stars" because of the various celebrities it carried between Chicago, Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

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Spektoscopes
"Wear them like ordinary eye glasses - hour after hour - without fatigue."
Or, maybe you should just buy a pair of ordinary eye glasses so you won't look so creepy.

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Niagara Wave and Rocking Bath
The Niagara Wave & Rocking Bath (1890s) was an early form of hydrotherapy. The manufacturer promised an accurate simulation of the "seaside" & good health through improved circulation.
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Vita Radium Suppositories
"Weak Discouraged Men! Now Bubble Over with Joyous Vitality Through the Use of Glands and Radium"
Long after scientists knew that radiation exposure can be deadly, radium products were still being sold for a variety of aliments.

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Planetary Pencil Pointer -- Now a woman can sharpen a pencil
In the 1890s, sharpening pencils (or other writing implements) involved sandpaper, knives, and files and this kind of activity was not appropriate for the fairer sex.
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Star Trek Helmet
Remco was one of the first companies to produce licensed toys for the Star Trek franchise, and this item might well be the dumbest one they ever produced. It looks like a crash helmet for attention-seeking spastics.
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Gillette -- I didn't get the job
"He doesn't realize that a fresh, close shave is important in getting and holding a job"
Then why did you marry that moron?

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 Ry-Krisp fat shaming
Ry-Krisp was among the first consumer products to be promoted as diet fare, using a "fat shaming" approach that would be loudly condemned today.
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Coca-Cola -- Don't Wear a Tired Thirsty Face

When Coca-Cola was invented in 1885, it contained small amounts of an extract of the coca leaf. Coca-Cola didn’t become completely cocaine-free until 1929, but there was hardly any of the drug left in the drink by then.
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Marshall's Prepared Cubeb Cigarettes

"I only smoke for medicinal purposes"
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Crisco - 9 out of 10 Doctors Say "It's Digestible" 

Crisco - 9 out of 10 Doctors Say "It's Digestible."
So most doctors say it's food. That's reassuring. But what about the one holdout?