Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (70)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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 Space Patrol Helmet
 Space Patrol was a top-rated radio program and TV series from 1950-1955. Commander Corey and youthful Cadet Happy roamed the 30th-century universe in their ship "Terra" fighting super-villains Mr. Proteus, Prince Baccarratti, and other bad guys. Space Patrol was the first West Coast morning network program broadcast to the East Coast, via a massive network of cable and electronic interchanges.
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New Improved Marlboro Filter
"New Improved Marlboro Filter" for tough guys makes you grimace with every puff.
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How to have eyes that fascinate
Just have a crazed look in your eyes like this woman and people will indeed be fascinated -- or scared.
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Motorola Hi-Fi in a table
This was Motorola’s 1960’s version of a coffee table. “It’s a bona fide stereo Hi-Fi and comes with AM/FM radio to boot!” Only $169.
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Botany Ties in Sand Hues
 You're trying to sell ties for Father's Day, but instead of focusing your sales pitch on women and children, you decide to use a model in a bathing suit because that's what you always do.
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Savage Tires
The definition of Savage = not domesticated or under human control, which doesn't make a lot of sense when applied to tires and is very offensive when applied to Native Americans.
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Royal Typewriter Girls
Even in the 1960s, the "Girls" in the office (who prefer to be called "women") weren't the only ones using typewriters. 
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Chesterfield Kings -- Too mild to filter
Chesterfield Kings -- "Too mild to filter" all those tars and carcinogens like PAH, N-nitrosamines, aromatic amines, 1,3-butadiene, benzene, aldehydes, and ethylene oxide that will eventually give you cancer.
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Be a Railway Traffic Inspector
In the 1920s you could study to become a Railway Traffic Inspector (whatever that is) for a mere $43. You had to promise to pay them another $20 when you got hired, and they guaranteed you would be hired quickly or your money back.
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Dr. T. W. Graydon - andral-broca discovery
in the 1870s, Dr. Graydon's literature promised to cure consumption by the Andral Broca method, which was a combination of worthless inhalation with worse than worthless medicines.
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Phillip Morris - Smoking More
As we now know, tobacco companies quoting, "findings reported in medical journals by a group of distinguished doctors" means they are quoting their own paid lackeys.
Ethyl -- Better Judgment
Founded in 1923, Ethyl Corp pioneered the use of tetraethyl lead (TEL) as a gasoline additive. Early health warnings were ignored by the industry as leaded gasoline became more popular and profitable. Legal challenges began in 1924, after refinery accidents left workers dying from violent insanity. In their efforts to protect their profits, industry executives falsely claimed there was no alternative to leaded gasoline. Fifty years passed before scientific, court, and regulatory challenges put an end to lead additives in gasoline. 
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Jello Souffle
A soufflé is a baked dish with a flavorful base. This isn't it. 
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National Shirt Shops Hand Painted Ties
After the First World War, hand-painted ties became a popular accessory in the U.S. 
Famous artists would hand paint ties as a way of bringing art into everyday life. These loud, flamboyant ties sold very well through the 1950s.
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Use the Pure Gum
The only "pure gum" is Mexican chicle, made from the sap of the sapodilla tree. Gum base (what gum is made from
today) is a non-nutritive, non-digestible, water-insoluble masticatory delivery system and it's a trade secret.  
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ADA Washer
"7 1/2 lbs washed perfectly in 5 minutes?"
She couldn't even run that load though the wringer in 5 minutes.
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Tandy 5000
$8,500 in 1989 is worth $20,345 in 2022.
"Monitor and mouse not included" 
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Inches Away Reducing Belt
"Just wear one hour a day...some have lost 4 to 6 inches."
Unfortunately, wearing something around any area of the body won’t help you lose weight
, because water weight loss is not the same as fat weight loss. They do not work when combined with "sealer lotions" either.
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Gas - Battleship Turrets
In 1943, consumers didn't know that burning natural gas also produces nitrogen dioxide (NO2), an air pollutant that can reduce lung function, cause inflammation of airways, increase asthma attacks, and exacerbate other respiratory issues.
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CT-200 Transportable Cellular Phone
Not "portable" but "transportable."
That $1,199 in 1988 dollars would be worth over $3,000 today. The ad didn't even mention the fact that there was a subscription fee plus $1 to $2 per minute.
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Nervine Tablets - Quarrel Started
Have a beer or a glass of wine instead.
Nervine contained bromide which was eventually banned because excess consumption of bromide can lead to various psychiatric, neurological, and gastrointestinal problems.

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Stetson
John B. Stetson gained inspiration for his most famous hats when he headed west from his native New Jersey for health reasons. On his return east in 1865, he founded the John B. Stetson Company in Philadelphia. He created a hat that has become symbolic of the pioneering American West, the "Boss of the Plains". This Western hat would become the cornerstone of Stetson's hat business and is still in production today.
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Milk of Magnesia  - lights will come back on
Answers the question, "How can I turn a reference to
WW2 blackouts into an ad for Milk of Magnesia?"
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Flit - No Mahm
The black dialect used in this racist ad originated in minstrel shows.
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Birley's Antacid Powder
Mrs. F. E. Poxon says she was afraid to eat solid food for four years, until she started using Birley's. Her double chin tells a different story.
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Modern family minus electricity
Electricity was a bargain in the 1950s. Now, not so much.
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Pye automatic picture control
The Pye V4 was a 14" table model designed in 1953.
It incorporated Automatic Picture Control (APC) to prevent the the picture from breaking up due to aircraft passing overhead (a common problem in early TV sets).
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How Britain Goes to Bed
Although synonymous with 1950’s and 1960’s style, baby doll pajamas originated in 1942. American lingerie designer Sylvia Pedlar created the style in response to fabric shortages during World War II. 
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Cooltipt cigarettes
Filters have always been a marketing tool, designed to keep and recruit smokers. Efforts to design a "safe" cigarette always failed because the substances that are harmful in cigarette smoke and
the substances that provide the smoker with ‘satisfaction’ are essentially the same.
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It's Real Printing!
Yes boys it's "real printing" -- all you need to invest is $8.95, which is more money than you will ever make with this printer.
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Lysol Love Quiz
Between World Wars One and Two, Lysol Disinfectant was sold throughout Canada and the United States as a contraceptive douche for women. In fact, Lysol became the leading over-the-counter contraceptive sold on the euphemistically termed "feminine hygiene" market. But it was not an effective contraceptive and hundreds of women died from using
Lysol for birth control.
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Du Pont cellophane 1954

In 1955, the US government brought suit against Du Pont for monopolizing, attempting to monopolize, and conspiracy to monopolize interstate commerce for cellophane in violation of the Sherman Act, and lost.

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Monday, October 3, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (69)

  Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Cloverine Salve
In the 1930s, the Wilson Chemical Company perfected the art of recruiting young children nationwide via advertisements in comic books and newspapers to sell their White Cloverine Brand Salve door-to-door. 
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The Musical Saw
Just don't play on the teeth side, or you will not have a bow left.
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Talon Gap-Osis
",,,men are so quick to judge. Especially when the lady in question has "gap-osis."
Yes, men hate it when women show a little skin.
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Inches Away Reducing Belt
Forget about tiresome exercises! Just rub some of our special cream on this belt before
wearing it and the pounds will melt away.
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Mommie's panty and bra set
Encouraging young girls to act like adult women, including wearing lingerie, isn’t a brand-new phenomenon, but it's still creepy.
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Star Dolly Tub
You would think that by 1939 most folks in Britain would have electric washing machines, but apparently an iron washtub with a spout and a soap dish was considered a major improvement for many.
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Captain Video Space Rider
Captain Video and His Video Rangers, which premiered 27 June 1949 on the DuMont Network, was the first science fiction, space adventure program on television.
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56 Dodge Magic Touch
In a bid to meet the growing demand of women drivers, American automobile manufacturer Chrysler rolled out cars specifically designed for and marketed to women in 1955 and 1956.
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Camels -- Linda Darnell
Why? Because they paid her to pose with a cigarette.
Lind Darnell died at the age of 41 from a fire that the coroner's inquest said was caused by her careless smoking. 
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Sentenced to die by the 7th column
In World War II the Fifth Column was the name given to Axis agents who carried out subversive work on the home fronts of Allied countries. The Sixth Column was the persons residing in a country at war who are devoted to aiding the fifth column in its activities.
This WW2 era insurance ad tells Americans that there is also a 7th column -- "carelessness."
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Goodyear headgear for 1943
60 years later and football helmets still don't prevent serious injuries or disease. Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) is a progressive brain condition that's thought to be caused by repeated blows to the head and repeated episodes of concussion. The symptoms of CTE include memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, anxiety, suicidality, parkinsonism, and, eventually, progressive dementia.
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Hair Off -- unloved
"I once looked like this. Ugly hair on face..."
Nah. The only ugly hair I see is on your head.
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The Mighty Atom - Starring Reddy Kilowatt
Reddy Kilowatt was created in 1926,
by Ashton B. Collins for the Alabama Power Company. He soon licensed the trademark to power companies across the US. In the following years, Reddy would also be licensed extensively in the Caribbean, South America, Australia, Africa, and Asia.
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Hillman - Gay Look
Get that "Gay Look" in a Hillman auto. 
Hillman was a British automobile marque created by the Hillman-Coatalen Company, founded in 1907 and renamed the Hillman Motor Car Company in 1910.
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Space Boots
Get that bouncy moon feeling in Earth's normal gravity!
Ideal Space Boots from the 1960s were just inflatable snow shoes.
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Crosley Shelvador
Crosley began making refrigerators in the 1930s but it was the
1940s innovations "Shelvador" (shelves in the door) and water dispenser in the door that really caught on. 
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Re-groove your smooth tyres
Cutting new grooves deep into your old worn tires? What could possibly go wrong?
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Living Fallout Shelter
While Western leaders were telling their people that they could survive a nuclear war in the 1960s, Khrushchev, the leader of the USSR from 1958-1964 said it best;
"The living will envy the dead."
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Kellogg's rocket rings
 In 1951, Kellogg's offered Rocket Rings inside Pep cereal, one per box.
So if you wanted to collect all of them you had to eat 12 boxes of Pep. Rocket Rings were associated with the Tom Corbett Space Cadet show (1950 - 1955).
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Harley-Davidson Topper
In the '60s, the Harley-Davidson Topper "tops them all," according to the advertisements at the time. The Topper (1960 - 1965) was the only motor scooter that the Harley-Davidson Motor Company ever produced. 
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Hanky Panky Apron
"Would you believe an apron with sex appeal?" Maybe, but that ain't it.
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Kleenex - Cry Cry Again
Clean up after making some fake tears to manipulate your sugar daddy...Kleenex cuffs...Kleenex as napkins -- In 1941, Kleenex printed excerpts from customers' "True Confessions" regarding their odd uses for the product.
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Silva Thins
"Slim" cigarettes for women first appeared in the 1960s, and by the end of the decade "Silva Thin" cigarettes were created for men. TV commercials showed a man in sunglasses always dodging women who were trying to get his cigarettes.
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Philco Hyper-power TV
Now we know what's behind that speaker cloth -- a miniature orchestra.
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Fonz Watch
Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, better known as "Fonzie" or "The Fonz", was a fictional character played by Henry Winkler in the American sitcom Happy Days (1974-1984). The Fonz was originally a bit part, but became a lead character when he began surpassing the other characters in popularity. 
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Nature's Remedy - Constipated Since Her Marriage
"Constipated Since Her Marriage" and a joy to be around.
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Moto-Bot
Moto-bot was one of the many low-budget Transformers knockoffs. 
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Pennyroyal pills
Pennyroyal has been known since antiquity as a powerful abortifacient. When prepared to be consumed as a drink, this plant was employed to promote menstruation and expulsion of the placenta and fetus.
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Automobilist
With the introduction of affordable, mass-produced cars in the 1910s, more and more people left their horses at home and became automobilists.
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Edward J Woods Drink Habit
Women who wrote to Woods for the free book because they were worried about their husband's drinking and then didn't buy his "treatments" could expect Woods to write back constantly with horror stories about other women who meant to order the treatments, but their husbands died before they got around to it.

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