Funny Vintage Ads (80)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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 David Cassidy parlayed his TV role in The Partridge Family (1970-74), based on the story of a real band The Cowsills, into being a legitimate rock superstar.

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The Stone Method is a "system of concentrated exertion, by which more exercise is actually obtained in 10 minutes than by the use of apparatus two hours, and embraces a thorough course in deep breathing without extra expense"
 Sounds like he's saying all you need to do to flex for 10 minutes.

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 McCleary Clinic and Hospital  "the world's largest hospital specializing in rectal and gastro-intestinal diseases" thought they could drum up some business in the 1950s with this free booklet on rectal disorders."

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"Anyone can draw...No Lessons! No Talent!"
But not anyone get a pretty girl to pose in a bathing suit. That takes real talent.

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Eveready Battery Company began in 1890 and joined the Union Carbide and Carbon Corporation in 1914. Prestone antifreeze was invented in 1917.

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The Coronado Tent City (1900-1939) was established on the road to the Hotel del Coronado by San Diego developer John D. Spreckels  (1853 – 1926). He saw an opportunity for vacationers of limited means to enjoy a seaside retreat, have access to the hotel grounds and enjoy the many tent city attractions during a season that ran from June to September. Attendance peaked at 10,000 during its 39-year run.

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"Your size is not important. The size of your bubble is" in this 1980s bubble gum ad.

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Cork is the ideal material for a bath or shower mat. Long-known for its absorbent and anti-slip properties, it's also antibacterial.

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Manhattan Shirt Company in the 1950s called their upscale Hawaiian shirt a "Polynesian Print."
Hawaiian or "Aloha" shirts were invented in Hawaii in the 1920s, by Koichiro Miyamoto, known as Musa-Shiya the Shirtmaker.

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That "Kotex Sanitary Belt" in the lower right was a strange contraption,
Kotex used the "Are you in the know" theme in advertisements and free booklets for over three decades, starting in the 1930s.

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"The thrill of a deathtime!" 

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"New Crop Teas" is a reference to the first harvest of tea in China, usually March to April. The box lists types of tea, including "Gunpowder."

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"We don't make Volvo to look good. We make Volvo to last."
When American car makers were still telling their customers that they should buy a new car every 2-5 years, Volvo saw an opportunity.

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It's a washer with a hand-wringer, but it's not work! And she has time to tend to her knitting in the evening. Such a wonderful labor-saving device! And it really was, for millions of American women in in the 1930s and 40s.

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 At $9.95, the Cine “8” was the least expensive motion picture camera available in the 1930s. They were very durable cameras and many budding film directors got their start using them. 

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The Peek Frean company was established in London in 1857. England was in danger of being invaded during WW2, but this cartoon husband still expected a hot dinner on time every night, even though his wife works all day as an air warden.
Men's since of entitlement hasn't changed much since then.

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The Locomobile Company of Bridgeport, Connecticut was one of the most prestigious American cars in the early twentieth century. This ad tells us that their cars are so wonderful, they don't need to put their name on them.

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You start with the dummy and then later you get to operate on the dog or your little brother.

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"...a Spencer Corsetiere, trained in the Spencer designer's method of figure analysis, will call at your home. A most interesting study of your figure will cost you nothing."
Spencer Corsets were custom made to correct "figure faults" by a fictitious Anne Spencer in the 1930s.

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Daniel F. Packer (1825-1904) was born in Connecticut, followed the 1849 Gold Rush to California and returned home 3 years later with a recipe for soap. Packer's Pine Tar Soap has been marketed continuously for over 150 years.

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This guy may look like a clown, but Count Dante claimed to have earned his reputation in secret "death matches" in Thailand and China. He organized and participated in a deadly "dojo storm" attacking a rival's students in 1970. 

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This freckle cream must have worked pretty well, because Stillman's began in 1908 and is still in business today.

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The Amos 'n' Andy Radio show was sponsored by; Pepsodent 1929-1937, Campbell's Soup 1937-1943, Rinso 1943-1955 and Rexall 1950-1954. 

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The Huffy Wheel was possibly the worst bike design of the late 1960s. You had to be constantly looking down to insure that the front wheel was pointing in the direction you wanted to go. Kids could pop a wheelie on the street, but they couldn't ride this thing off-road because it was so difficult to steer.

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 It's hard to look dignified in a sweat towel, but this guy almost pulls it off.

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Here's "Captain Kirk" from the TV Show Star Trek, telling fans the Commodore Vic 20 is, "The only computer you'll need for years to come." No doubt many current vintage computer fans would agree, but this very basic computer wasn't practical for long.

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The ad says "A Complete Game" and ‘Convoy Terror’ (1960) was years ahead of its time as a complex turn-based wargame, with two complete modern navies and played on a large map.

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Overpriced, ugly, over-hyped, and poorly made, the Edsel was produced for only two years and considered a huge failure for Ford, but now they are a collector's item.

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Sounds like a beer belly would have been irresistible to 1930s ladies. Food shortages during the Great Depression (1929–1939) did make fat more appealing.

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In the late 19th Century, a "plug" was a brick of tobacco that sold for 5 or 10 cents.

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Funny Vintage Ads (79)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Hasbro's Think-A-Tron retailed for about $10 and came with 150 miniature punch cards with questions on each side; a multiple choice and a true-false. You inserted the card into the holder and turned the crank, then the front panel "lights" flickered before indicating the answer as "A", "B", "C", "T" or "F." 

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Compression will not do anything other than decrease blood flow temporarily. It might cause your face or neck to look slimmer for a minute or two right when you take it off, but that's it.
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"You can sleep in it...you can work in it...you can bathe in it."

 Uh-huh, and when do you wash it?

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You can do the "Pepsodent Tongue Test" first, or you can just brush your teeth.

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The "Thrifty Scotsman" is a cute stereotype, but there's dark one where Scottish people are unfairly characterized as being very stingy and miserly.

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So this is why my mouth is so dry in the morning.

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Add bacon to make it extra greasy.

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"When he overreacts to any situation..." you should prescribe a drug with the following possible side-effects; Agitation, confusion, hyperkinesia, ataxia, CNS depression, nightmares, nervousness, psychiatric disturbance, hallucination, insomnia, anxiety, dizziness, somnolence and (my personal favorite) "abnormal thinking."

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"cleans and purifies clothes just like a high priced electric washer"

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The "Man who thinks for himself" won't be taking the quiz in your insulting ad.

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Advertisers love appeals to men's sexual frustration, but this ad is so oddly specific.  

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"$50 Firm. I know what I got."

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 Do we really want to give this garden Golem a booster shot?
Shell's "Nitrojection Service" injects deadly ammonia gas under high pressure into the ground around crops.

A "Good Example" for whom?
Yes, Grandma was so proud of her new sink that she never soiled it with dishes. She continued to wash all her dishes in a tub on the back porch.

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This was exciting news in 1935 for Londoners who could dream of owning a TV set, but in 1939, the television service was suspended for the duration of what became WW2. 

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"The Paint that laughs at Steam."

...might scare the crap out of you in the morning.

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"Some day you may regret it"
Not if I'm the one who is dead. 

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The lady thinks you stink!

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Pure enough to EAT? NO
The basic ingredients of soap are oil or fat, lye and water. If swallowed, lye can cause severe corrosive burns to the throat, esophagus and stomach.

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Mego negotiated licensing agreements with DC Comics and Marvel, and began selling Elastic Super Heroes in 1979. Kenner (makers of the Stretch Armstrong line of toys, beginning in 1977) believed they stole their idea and promptly sued. In 1982, Mego filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

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In an effort to sell more toilet tissue in the 1930s, Scot Tissue insists parents enforce a rigid schedule on toilet training rather than letting small children develop at their own pace. 

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An innocent interaction between a father and daughter, or ...?
This is a relatively recent example, but the sexualization of children in advertising has a very long history.

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In 1856, Joseph Schlitz got a job as a bookkeeper for a tavern brewery. After the owner died in 1858, Schlitz married his widow, took over the brewery and renamed it the Jos Schlitz Brewing Co.

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Yes folks, your mammy housekeeper will be real pleased with the new water heater. You want your mammy to be happy, don't you?

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Looks like this guy is choking and about to pass out, and you want him to take Ex-Lax?

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He could have had that girl if he wasn't such a cheapskate. Gillette uses a guilt trip to con men into paying 5 cents each for blades that cost a fraction of a penny to manufacture. Gillette did not invent the classic business model of "Give 'em the razor; sell 'em the blades. Gillette didn't lower the prices on his razors until his patents ran out. It was his competitors who invented the razors and blades business model."  

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13 guys and one girl -- no wonder she is the center of attention.
Leo Hirschfield invented the Tootsie Roll in 1896, and named it after his daughter "Tootsie."

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The Maytag Multi-Motor Washer of 1917 had a gas engine attachment for homes without electricity. The gas engine could be detached and used for other household or farm chores, like pumping water. 

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You'll never get through Basic Training with that on. 

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"1000,000 people sat on this taxicab seat" -- and quite a few left some bodily fluids.
 B. F. Goodrich created the Koroseal brand in 1956.

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