Sunday, April 24, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (63)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Meprospan - Her kind of pressure lasts all day
Thinking of drowning the kid? Meprobamate has hypnotic, anti-anxiety, sedative, anticonvulsant and some indirect muscle relaxant properties and was used for anxiety and insomnia during the 1950s. Mixing with alcohol could be fatal.
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GE - FM radio brings you Jeanette MacDonald in color
FM radio's audio quality is far superior to AM, but you still won't see Janette MacDonald in color or even black and white.
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Lifebuoy - Jilted
Apparently her BO was even worse than that first dress!
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Tareyton - rather fight than switch
The “rather fight than switch” slogan was created by James Jordan of the BBDO advertising agency. It was the American Tobacco Company's most visible advertising campaign in the 1960s and 1970s.
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Proto Tools
Combine a little racism with a little sexism and you've got yourself a typical ad for tools.
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Fizzies
The original Fizzies candy was made with cyclamates and saccharin -- sweeteners that are either banned in the United States by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) or have been long studied for carcinogenic links.
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Real Man some day
Maybe, but what is a "real man" anyway? Opinions differ. 
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Quaker Rolled Oats 1896
In 1877, Quaker Oats registered the first US trademark for a breakfast cereal. The trademark was registered with the Patent Office as "a figure of a man in 'Quaker garb.'
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Magic Mirror Television
In 1949, Admiral Television was advertising their "10-inch direct-view picture tube" as a "Magic Mirror" even though there was nothing magic or mirror-like about the tiny 10-inch picture tube.
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Gold Dust - Fourteen Hour Wives
This ad accurately depicts the gender roles of the 1890s. The husband has come home from a hard day's work, had dinner and gone to bed, while his wife is up late scrubbing floors by lamp light.
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Tank-eating Tiger by Oldsmobile
One of a series of Oldsmobile advertisements during WW2 which featured a drawing of the shoulder patch of various military units that used the weaponry manufactured by the company. Unfortunately, in actual combat the M10 tank destroyer was not  as effective against German heavy armor as the ad or the patch would have you believe.
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Elektro and Sparko
Elektro was on exhibit at the 1939 New York World's Fair and reappeared at that fair in 1940, with "Sparko", a robot dog that could bark, sit, and beg to humans.
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Ronson Robot-Lighter
The Ronson Robot-Liter was the perfect accessory for lazy chain smokers who didn't want to bother with lighting their cigarettes while driving.
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Aladdin Homes
The Aladdin Company was a pioneer in the pre-cut, mail order home industry. Sometimes referred to as Aladdin Readi-Cut Houses, the company was the first to offer a true kit house composed of pre-cut, numbered pieces. 
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Pettit's Eye Salve
In 1842, Dr. James Pettit formulated his eye salve in Fredonia, New York. He claimed it relieved tired eyes and quickly cured eye aches, inflamed, sore, watery or ulcerated eyes.
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Digi-log Briefcase Portability
Digi-Log of Horsham, PA advertised this 23 lb "portable terminal" in 1975. This unit could not do any computing on its own and had to be connected to a mainframe via phone lines. 
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One-Date Girl
"She was a one-date girl" because she was constipated???
What kind of "date" are we talking about?
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Protruding ears
"A simple modern device sets them in position immediately, invisible..."
Also known as Scotch tape.
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Learn to Mount Birds
Boys!
Surround yourself with the dead carcasses of the innocent wild animals you have killed. It's fun and profitable! 
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Crest -- Look Mom No Cavities
Some of Norman Rockwell's most iconic advertising art was Crest's "Look Mom-no cavities!" series in the late 1950s.
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A warning to people who make obscene phone calls
The phone company is monitoring you. Be afraid. BE VERY AFRAID!
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Naugahyde
Uniroyal's marketing campaign of the 1960s and 1970s joked that Naugahyde was obtained from the skin of an animal called a "Nauga". The campaign emphasized that, unlike other animals, which must typically be slaughtered to obtain their hides, Naugas can shed their skin without harm to themselves.
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Rosella Vegetable & Sausage
Is that what it looks like before or after you eat it?
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Dr Campbell's Safe Arsenic Complexion Wafers
"It is better to look good than to feel good." -- Fernando Lamas, played by Billy Crystal, in the TV show Saturday Night Live (1985).
Arsenic poisoning is associated with nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, severe diarrhoea, encephalopathy and peripheral neuropathy.
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Stammer School
"...attend no stammering school till you get my big new FREE book and special rate"
Wait. What? Why can't one get the "special rate" and the free book first? Am I paying the standard rate for the school and then paying a special rate for the free book?
Or is it saying don't attend ANY stammering school till you get the free book and then attend their stammering school? Maybe they should offer a course in ad copy writing instead.
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Get a new Ford
The 1909 Ford Model T Touring Car sold for $850 in the US; slightly higher in Hawaii and overseas.
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Ovaltine -- Thin and nervous
A doctor attributing a child's nervousness to a vitamin deficiency that can be resolved by giving them Ovaltine is some serious malpractice.
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Clairol Air Brush
"Fastest way for a guy..." to fluff up his helmet hair.
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Virol Children are Healthy Children
Virol, a British brand of malt extract preparation that also included bone marrow, was designed as a nutritional supplement for the feeding of infants
and was first manufactured in London in 1899
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1952 Midwest Video Grand
This console television - radio - record player, sold in 1952 for the equivalent of about $
4,724 today.
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Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Funny Vintage Ads (62)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Magic Mushroom Trays
 "Magic" in this case meant psilocybin, a naturally-occurring psychoactive and hallucinogenic compound.
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Edison's Veriscope
"Edison's Veriscope" was actually invented by Enoch Rector in 1897. In order to accommodate large reels of film for lengthy viewing times, the camera required three operators. Those operators and the camera equipment had to be housed in a large box that acted as a dark room. 
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Friden 130 electric calculator
The Friden EC-130, one of the first fully transistorized electronic calculators, first sold in 1964 for about $1,695. That's equivalent in purchasing power to about $15,500 today -- a lot for a device that could only add, subtract, multiply and divide.
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Bell System - Familiar Miracle
Imagine spending your workdays testing dials. You could describe it in many ways, but a "familiar miracle" probably isn't one of them.
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Parker girl-sized pen
Is is sexist to suggest that women's hands are usually smaller than men's and that they might appreciate a smaller pen? No, but it is sexist when you refer to all women as "girls."
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Army -- lost chance to make a choice
The United States military has been all-volunteer since 1973, but prior to that, men were "drafted" (forced into military service) as needed by the military. This ad from the 1960s reminds young men that they are under the threat of being drafted and that they will have better options if they join first.
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Stewart-Warner Reproducer
This fancy Art Deco radio speaker from the 1920s cost $30, which would be equivalent to $425 today.
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Rambler '63 with Twin-stick floor shift
Your Rambler '63 comes with a "Twin-Stick Floor Shift" so you can make believe you're driving a sports car instead of a Rambler.
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Land 'OLakes - native design jewelry
in the 1970s, Land 'OLakes doubled-down on their cultural appropriation with this offer for "native design jewelry."
The Native American woman who first appeared on Land 'OLakes labels in 1928, was a racist objectification of indigenous people and was finally removed in 2020.
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Up from Slavery -- New York Vacuum Cleaner
Comparing carpet cleaning to slavery seems a little excessive, but at the turn of the 20th Century, women were not far removed from their own version of servitude via marriage.
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The Peel P.50

The P50 three-wheel microcar is officially the World’s Smallest Car. Made on the Isle of Man from 1962 to 1965, fewer than 30, P50s exist today making it one of the rarest cars in the World.
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Coke -- African Wilds
Ah yes, an ice cold Coke is most refreshing during a long trek through a steaming jungle -- but only for the white folk.
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Petty Girl Hi-Ball Glasses
"Petty Girl" pin-ups were drawn by artist George Petty for Esquire from 1933 until 1956. Petty Girls were depicted with longer legs and smaller heads than normal.
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Edison Decorative and Miniature Lamp Dept
Three years after inventing the incandescent bulb in 1879, Edison's good friend and partner Edward Johnson strung 80 miniature bulbs together and hung them on a Christmas tree at Menlo Park.
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Chicago Metropolitan Mutual -- Merry Christmas
Chicago Metropolitan Mutual shares some of their Christmas spirit by depicting a black boy being beaten up by a white boy.
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Sugar Information Inc
Since 1943, Sugar Information Inc. has been pumping out lies about the supposed nutritional value of sugar. How's that been working out so far for America's children? Childhood obesity has tripled just since the 1970s.
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Spencer Gifts -- Real Live Alligator
Very cute -- until it bites off your finger. Baby alligators turn into very large grown alligators, averaging 8 feet for females and 11 feet for males. The care and feeding of alligators isn’t cheap, either. They eat up to one-quarter of their body weight every day.
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Pepsodent -- Bad Breath
Checking your tongue for signs of bad breath is like checking your arm for signs of body odor.
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Old Fashioned Macy's
Rowland Hussey Macy opened four retail dry goods stores between 1843 and 1855 in Massachusetts. They all failed.  In 1902, what became the flagship store was opened in New York's Herald Square at 34th Street and Broadway.
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American Combat Judo
As a student at the University of Illinois, "Barney" Cosneck won two Big Ten wrestling championships. Later he served as Judo instructor in the armed forces, where he co-authored "How to Fight Tough" with Jack Dempsey. In "American Combat Judo" (1944) he taught effective techniques for defense and counterattack.
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She doesn't care - Conoco
"She Doesn't Care!"
It's a wet t-shirt contest!
But get one drop on her hairdo and she will rip your head off.
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Chesterfield -- highest purity
Contains, "natural sugars and chemically pure, costly gycerol."
It's good to know they use that "costly gycerol" in their cigarettes instead of the cheap stuff.
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Learn Photo Coloring at Home
Photography was invented in 1826. At first people were amazed at the quality of black and white images, but it wasn't long (about 1850) before some folks started paying others to "colorize" existing photos by hand.
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What do you give a bed-wetter for Christmas
"What do you give a bed-wetter for Christmas?"
Public shaming?
And why is the kid's bed next to the Christmas tree?
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Looks like someone threw-up on their breakfast. After two world wars and a great depression, America had pitifully low cuisine standards.
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VI-REX Violet Ray
Manufacturers of violet ray instruments in the early twentieth century made grandiose claims regarding the medical applications of their devices in electro-therapy, presenting them as positive cure-alls for all manner of physical ailments.  
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General Foods - propylene glycol monostearate
Propylene glycol is a substance commonly used as a food additive or ingredient in many cosmetic and hygiene products. It is also an ingredient in antifreeze.
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New Eyelashes
 Gold and platinum beaded eyelashes! This is what passed for a conspicuous display of wealth
in the 1930s. While they’d been around in some form since the late 1800s, a Canadian inventor named Anna Taylor patented false eyelashes in 1911.
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Lux - dishpan hands
"Maybe men respect them..."
If you don't want dishpan hands, make your husband do the dishes, buy a dishwasher or hire a maid.
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Bell Telephone Solar
In 1954, Bell Telephone (later AT&T) demonstrated the first practical solar cell that could convert light into electricity. It was made of silicon and they called it a solar battery.
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