Friday, October 22, 2021

Funny Vintage Ads (58)

 

  Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Ford - One test we can't make
Apparently the one test Ford can't make is driving their cars through the middle of a circus.   
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Montgomery War Rose Hat
In 1872, Aaron Montgomery Ward established the first mail-order business with an innovative single-sheet catalog offering 163 items.
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Dandruff is inexcusable
Listerine was originally developed as a cure for dandruff. In 1879, the product was first advertised for its germicidal properties and used to clean wounds, soothe insect bites, and to treat fungal infections such as athlete’s feet.
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Beetleboard
Beetleboard (
1971 to 1984) was the brainchild of a young marketing executive named Charlie Bird Volkswagen Beetle owners could earn $20 - $50 a month if they let Bird turn their car into a mobile billboard.
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Volkswagen Campmobile
 The VW Microbus went into production March 8, 1950, at a Volkswagen plant in West Germany, and quickly changed the way the world looked at cars.
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"His Master's Voice" Victor Talking Dog
The iconic image of a terrier-mix dog, Nipper
(1884 – September 1895), looking into a phonograph became an international symbol of quality and excellence for the Victor Talking Machine Company and later RCA Victor.
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Weed Tire Chains
"You failed to provide the chauffeur with Tire Chains. Only good luck saved your wife from paying the supreme penalty for your negligence."
Wait, What? I don't have a chauffeur. Who the hell was driving my car?
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Aunt Jemima Cake Mix
On February 9, 2021, Quaker Oats finally admitted that "Aunt Jemima's origins are based on a racial stereotype." and announced that the Aunt Jemima brand would be renamed the Pearl Milling Company.
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PowerMite Workshop
With the PowerMite Workshop from the 1960s, you can use a power tool to accidentally cut through its own power cord -- just like Dad! 
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Javelin Darts
Lawn darts were all the rage in the 1980s until they were banned in the US and Canada. Over a period of eight years, lawn darts sent 6,100 people to the emergency room. 81% of those cases involved children 15 or younger, and half of those were 10 or younger. The majority of injuries were to the head, face, eyes or ears.
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Lifebuoy Protection
 Translated: Statements from our huge corporation about our products are just as trustworthy as a mother's word. Really?
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The New Urban Car
The New Urban Car had one fatal flaw -- no way to open a window if someone cuts a fart.
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Happy Farmer Tractor
Despite the company’s advertising claims, the Happy Farmer Tractor wasn’t a hit with farmers. As the story goes, the two happiest days of the farmers' life was the day he got the tractor and the day he got rid of it.
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Good Time Girl
 Soldiers in WW2 were told that a "Good Time Girl" will give them a deadly disease.
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Gemini - Revell Science Program
 Such a bargain for 10 cents -- but the fine print says they'll ship you another kit every month and charge $1 each plus "shipping and handling."
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Gemini The Autonomous Robot
The Gemini was the most technically advanced of the personal robots available in the mid-1980s. It not only spoke but took voice commands. It was self-charging, and retained a map of your home for navigation purposes, a feature that was only introduced into the Roomba line in 2015. It could sing with synthesized piano accompaniment, recite poetry, and connect to early online services like CompuServe. 
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Mullard Electronics
Shopping at home from your screen? In the 1950s it seemed fantastic, but they were on to something.
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Jell-o Christmas
 When you find out that Jell-o is made from protein extracted from the skin and bones of animals it doesn't seem so delicious.
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Gillette Razor
The Gillette company began in the late 19th century when salesman and inventor King Camp Gillette came up with the idea of a safety razor that used disposable blades.
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COTY - More of a woman
 This would make a good slogan for incels (
involuntary celibate) to insure they never get laid.
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Sanitary Napkins with name printed
And who wouldn't want personalized sanitary napkins?
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Asthmador
Prior to the introduction of rescue inhalers in the mid-1950s Asthmador was an effective over-the-counter remedy for asthma attacks.
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GE Wall Refrigerator-Freezer
Wall mounted refrigerator-freezers seemed like a good idea in 1955, but they were very expensive, they didn't hold much and most kids couldn't reach them.
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Atomic Jet Flying Saucer
"Atomic" and "Jet" are two words that don't normally come to mind when describing a toy metal wing that is launched with a string.
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Rambler - He'll be in kindergarten
If he makes it to kindergarten, riding like that.
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German Automatic
Until the late-1960s, anyone (except in California) could buy a "Saturday Night Special" via mail order.
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Geiger Counter
The Atomic Age spawned one of the more frenzied fads of the fad-crazy 1950s; prospecting for uranium. The government was buying uranium from private individuals and that began a new "gold rush" to the American Southwest. 
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Simplex Auto Extinguisher
"Statisticians' Figures Prove 1 car in every 3 catches fire." This would be a lie in 1926, not to mention 1956, when this ad was published.
Actually, there is a fire in a car engine every time a spark plug ignites. That's what makes a car go.
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MicroPro - What you see is what you get
Pretty much all you could do on a computer in the late 1970s was manipulate text and numbers. What we know as "What you see is what you get" with text and graphics didn't become a reality until the mid 1980s.
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Vacuum Cap - Don't be bald
An early form of this device was invented in New York in 1898 by Claude O. Rosell. The cap, which he dubbed the ‘Capillary Chalice’, took its inspiration from the ancient surgical practice of cupping. By using suction to draw blood into the scalp, the device was intended to stimulate the circulation of blood and to loosen the scalp from the skull.