Tuesday, June 8, 2021

Funny Vintage Ads (53)

 

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Baby Hamerless Revolvers
 Only 22 caliber so it won't hurt so bad when you accidentally shoot yourself while trying to pull it out of your pocket.
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You are in demand if you can draw
 "Make money with your brush and pen" but not much.
 Has anyone ever failed an art talent test?
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The Underslung Militaire
 "The Logical Evolution of the Two-Wheeler"
includes training wheels?
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A Toy That Saves Lives
 How does making a pint of ice cream save a life?
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The Textured Shirt. If you're fat and forty, forget it.
"If you're fat and forty, forget it." But if you're desperate and 39 you'll fit right in.
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Be an invisible reweaver
"You will never have to spend another penny as long as you live for supplies, equipment or merchandise." Really? What do you use for thread?
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Batric/electric power barrow
This early electric wheelchair looked more like a go-cart.
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Coke Nurse - Quality you can trust

This 1950s-era ad attempts to portray Coca-Cola as a reliable and wholesome way for consumers to quench their thirst. Sugary sodas like Coca-Cola are a major source of empty calories (those lacking in nutritional value) in the American diet.
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Trimz - DDT Wallpaper
DDT has been linked to diabetes, thyroid disfunction, a fivefold increase in breast cancer incidence for women who were exposed to DDT earlier in life, damage to the reproductive system and reduction of reproductive success, and reproductive toxicity which causes developmental problems for children that include decreased cognitive skills and retarded psychomotor development.
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Jet Powered Space Ranger

In tests, Space Ranger inventor Richard Timewell started a few bush fires, hit some trees and his brother John broke a rib while crash landing. But he had taken one ride to 200 feet and decided that was enough to go into production. Only one production unit was ever sold.
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Sargol - Free to Thin Folks
"The missing link between food eating and fat making has at last been discovered."

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Quaker Space Flight to the Moon
In 1953, Quaker Oats featured "Space Flight to the Moon" on the back of Puffed Rice and Puffed Wheat Cereal. They were three dimensional images you could cut out and assemble to make your own space dioramas.
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Radium Dial Clock
During the production of radium dials in the first decades of the 20th century, many young women who painted clock or instrument dials with radium developed cancer of the mouth and jaw because they were taught to "point" their brushes regularly by putting them in their mouths.
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Sears Color Flare
High-water bell bottoms were all the rage in 1969.
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The Ideal Sight Restorer
The Ideal Sight Restorer contained eye cups that were applied to the closed eyelids and intermittent suction was produced by squeezing a rubber bulb. The device claimed to provide an ocular massage capable of curing serious eye diseases (eg. cataract and glaucoma), as well as doing away with the need for glasses.
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Tests for Balance OK High Heels
Research indicates that high heels don't affect balance -- as long as you're standing still -- but you can still break an ankle trying to walk.
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Drunk? -- Soberin Aids Co
 "Not represented as a permanent 'cure.'"
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Dodge V-8 Powerflyte
Chrysler engineered the first push-button automatic transmission with their two-speed Powerflyte, introduced in the 1954 models and offered until 1965.
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Why look like this?
You don't need to lose weight, just stuff your flab into our straight jacket for the belly.
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Doc Sendof's Turn On Kit, 1969
Doc Sendof prescribes his groovy Turn On Kit for your bug, board and boudoir.
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OCD Approved - bomb shelter
OCD Approved - if you've been obsessing over a nuclear holocaust. 
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Daisy - American Boys Bill of Rights
In 1947, in response to growing concerns about the safety of guns, Daisy, manufacturer of the famous Red Ryder BB gun, answered the challenge with a "Bill of Rights for American Boys."
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Friction Powered Space Explorer
 The "spaceman" looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy in a space suit.
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Ten Stag Movies
Back in the day, people (men) had to mail order 8mm films and a "personal" projector just to watch porn.
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Armorside Nursing Corset
"boned with non-rusting protected steels"
Even the "most comfortable nursing corset on the market" was still a corset and not all that comfortable after having a baby.
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Metallic End Suspenders
Metallic End Suspenders, "strong enough to help your daughter elope."
Suspenders were invented in the 1820s after men began wearing high-waisted pants.
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Orb Computer
 The Orb computer was designed and made by ABS Computers Ltd in England in the early 1980's. It was one of the first multi-user microprocessor systems.
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Star Trek Astro Helmet
The Star Trek Astro Helmet had nothing to do with Star Trek, but at least it had a "chin protector" in case you fell on your face from trying to walk while looking though those bug eyes.
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Io Fumo
"Io Fumo" (I smoke) Indeed!
 If you're going to teach your kid to smoke, why mess around with chalky candy cigarettes?
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La Citadine
 The Teilhol Citadine Electric Car was made in France in the 1970s.
Only 28 of these unusual vehicles were produced over a two-year period.

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