Monday, April 3, 2023

Funny Vintage Ads (75)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Venus-Adonis Electric Normalizer
The Venus-Adonis Electric Normalizer, a vacuum type device for body contouring was a convenient way to “streamline your figure” in the comfort of your own home. 
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Bally Space Ship
Back in the 1950s, this was cool, but today a kid this age would be embarrassed to be seen anywhere near this thing. The 'Space Ship' was manufactured in the late 40's and early 50's by 'Bally Manufacturing Company' of Chicago, IL.
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Get Big Husky Muscles
Sorry ladies! This is "for men only." 
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Hotpoint Electric Gifts
You can plug it in or just use it as a mirror.
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Rinso - Whiteness Insurance
 For maximum "whiteness insurance" always surround yourself with white people.
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Prudential - The man who always makes them think of Jim
Apparently, they only remember the dearly departed on the first of every month when the check arrives.
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Zundel sanitary toilet chair
"How difficult it is to keep the indoor toilet out of sight!"
You could try closing the bathroom door. Hide the toilet like this and someone might use the sink instead!
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Color Does it! -- toilet seats
The Happy Face is probably enough already.
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Space Ranger
In 1978, Space Ranger inventor Richard Timewell started a few bush fires, hit some trees and his brother John broke a rib. On the plus side, he took one ride to 200 feet before putting his invention on the market. 
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Jell-O Salads
OK, but maybe not lime Jell-O with olives and celery.
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Fountain Tomato Sauce
She gave her all for your tomato sauce!
Australia's favorite tomato sauce was created in 1906 by W.C. Douglas company, a Sydney-based grocery wholesaler.
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Unpleasant odor from underarm hair
Underarm hair, while it can be unsightly, doesn't cause or aggravate odor. Bacteria causes the odor and soap is the preferred solution.
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IBM - Getting your answers at electronic speed
In 1951, you could get answers at electronic speed, but it often took several days to create the question in a way the computer could understand.
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Hypnotism -- New York Institute of Science
The New York Institute of Science of Rochester, N.Y. was a mail-order company offering courses in the studies of personal magnetism, hypnosis, and occult science. It operated from 1899 until 1912, when the U.S. Post Office banned the mailing of its literature.
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Autoette
The Autoette was an electric microcar (aka golf cart) created and manufactured from 1948 to the 1970s.
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Ponds - Flakiness
"Melts flakiness away..." except for that one flake who won't take no for an answer.
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Luckies - They taste better
Need a hat on your model for this picture? Just glue one on the photo and then copy it.
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Kraft - win space ship
Kids could sit behind their own control panels, twisting knobs and pushing buttons, while they watched a movie being projected in front of them from the nose cone of the simulator.
The winner was reportedly a young girl from a suburb of St. Louis, Missouri who donated it to her elementary school in 1959.  Later it was moved to the lawn of the Missouri Department of Mental Health and then destroyed in the late 1960s because they thought it wasn't appropriate. 
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Nickelodeon TV is safe for children
The sugary cereals and other unhealthy crap advertised on Nickelodeon is far more dangerous to your kid's health than the violence on other channels.
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Undie Odor Kills Charm
Yeah, maybe you should put on fresh underwear after a shower.
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Towne Shopper
The International Motor Company of San Diego introduced the Towne Shopper to the world in December of 1947. The little car weighed 600lbs and promised to sell for $600, but it never actually went into production.
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Sun West -- Nude Psychotherapy
No thanks. I brought my own trauma. I don’t need to see Fred naked.
Psychologist Paul Bindrim pioneered non-sexual nude psychotherapy in 1967, but by the late 1970s, he had abandoned it. 
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GW Sugar
"Sugar is a vital factor in a healthy diet." No, it's not and comparing refined sugar with the natural sugar in an orange is dishonest. The natural sugar in an orange is combined with nutrients, while refined sugar is just empty calories with no nutritional benefits.
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7up and milk
Mixing milk with soda certainly makes it a better choice than soda alone, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's good for you.
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The Go-Seat
The only thing the "Go-Seat" was good for was tipping-over.
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Cygnet Rear Car Co.
Even though the rear car seemed like a good idea in the 1910s, it turned out that most people either wanted a true car or a motorcycle, not both.
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Stuffed Girl's Heads
Even in the 1950s, this display in a guy's home would have been a flashing red DANGER sign.
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Colgate - Scared to smile
If your breath stinks you can still smile around others. Just don't exhale.
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God Jesus Robot
The God Jesus Robot was a toy sold in Japan in the 1980s. The toy would answer any of your questions about life by nodding his head with a yes or no. 
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Banner Space Helmet
Banner's Space Helmet with Radar Goggles was a big seller in the 1950s, despite looking really stupid.
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Buy a No Soliciting Sign That Really Works!