Funny Vintage Ads (79)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Hasbro's Think-A-Tron retailed for about $10 and came with 150 miniature punch cards with questions on each side; a multiple choice and a true-false. You inserted the card into the holder and turned the crank, then the front panel "lights" flickered before indicating the answer as "A", "B", "C", "T" or "F." 

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Compression will not do anything other than decrease blood flow temporarily. It might cause your face or neck to look slimmer for a minute or two right when you take it off, but that's it.
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"You can sleep in it...you can work in it...you can bathe in it."

 Uh-huh, and when do you wash it?

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You can do the "Pepsodent Tongue Test" first, or you can just brush your teeth.

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The "Thrifty Scotsman" is a cute stereotype, but there's dark one where Scottish people are unfairly characterized as being very stingy and miserly.

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So this is why my mouth is so dry in the morning.

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Add bacon to make it extra greasy.

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"When he overreacts to any situation..." you should prescribe a drug with the following possible side-effects; Agitation, confusion, hyperkinesia, ataxia, CNS depression, nightmares, nervousness, psychiatric disturbance, hallucination, insomnia, anxiety, dizziness, somnolence and (my personal favorite) "abnormal thinking."

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"cleans and purifies clothes just like a high priced electric washer"

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The "Man who thinks for himself" won't be taking the quiz in your insulting ad.

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Advertisers love appeals to men's sexual frustration, but this ad is so oddly specific.  

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"$50 Firm. I know what I got."

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 Do we really want to give this garden Golem a booster shot?
Shell's "Nitrojection Service" injects deadly ammonia gas under high pressure into the ground around crops.

A "Good Example" for whom?
Yes, Grandma was so proud of her new sink that she never soiled it with dishes. She continued to wash all her dishes in a tub on the back porch.

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This was exciting news in 1935 for Londoners who could dream of owning a TV set, but in 1939, the television service was suspended for the duration of what became WW2. 

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"The Paint that laughs at Steam."

...might scare the crap out of you in the morning.

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"Some day you may regret it"
Not if I'm the one who is dead. 

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The lady thinks you stink!

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Pure enough to EAT? NO
The basic ingredients of soap are oil or fat, lye and water. If swallowed, lye can cause severe corrosive burns to the throat, esophagus and stomach.

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Mego negotiated licensing agreements with DC Comics and Marvel, and began selling Elastic Super Heroes in 1979. Kenner (makers of the Stretch Armstrong line of toys, beginning in 1977) believed they stole their idea and promptly sued. In 1982, Mego filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

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In an effort to sell more toilet tissue in the 1930s, Scot Tissue insists parents enforce a rigid schedule on toilet training rather than letting small children develop at their own pace. 

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An innocent interaction between a father and daughter, or ...?
This is a relatively recent example, but the sexualization of children in advertising has a very long history.

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In 1856, Joseph Schlitz got a job as a bookkeeper for a tavern brewery. After the owner died in 1858, Schlitz married his widow, took over the brewery and renamed it the Jos Schlitz Brewing Co.

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Yes folks, your mammy housekeeper will be real pleased with the new water heater. You want your mammy to be happy, don't you?

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Looks like this guy is choking and about to pass out, and you want him to take Ex-Lax?

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He could have had that girl if he wasn't such a cheapskate. Gillette uses a guilt trip to con men into paying 5 cents each for blades that cost a fraction of a penny to manufacture. Gillette did not invent the classic business model of "Give 'em the razor; sell 'em the blades. Gillette didn't lower the prices on his razors until his patents ran out. It was his competitors who invented the razors and blades business model."  

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13 guys and one girl -- no wonder she is the center of attention.
Leo Hirschfield invented the Tootsie Roll in 1896, and named it after his daughter "Tootsie."

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The Maytag Multi-Motor Washer of 1917 had a gas engine attachment for homes without electricity. The gas engine could be detached and used for other household or farm chores, like pumping water. 

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You'll never get through Basic Training with that on. 

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"1000,000 people sat on this taxicab seat" -- and quite a few left some bodily fluids.
 B. F. Goodrich created the Koroseal brand in 1956.

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 Buy a No Soliciting Sign
That Really Works!