Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (42)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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How to Attract Women
Just get a giant magnet and point it at that metal plate in her head. 
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Drink Thunderbird Instead
Thunderbird is a fortified wine, also known as a "bum drink"

that has been described as a hangover in a bottle that tastes like cough syrup.
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Army Steady Jobs
Since the US Army became all volunteer in 1973, their best recruiting tool has always been high unemployment.
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Stillman's Freckle Cream
Stillman’s Freckle Cream contained toxic mercury compounds until the 1970s, when restrictions or prohibitions were placed on the cosmetic use of mercury by the FDA.
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Larger Than Life Poster of Yourself
She doesn't need a "larger than life" photo because she is already scary enough with those raccoon eyes.
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Cube Lube
Just solving the puzzle is the easy part. How quickly can you do it?
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Here's what we'll wear -- in space
This is what the experts came up with for astronauts to wear in case a space ship depressurized.
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Barnum & Bailey trained pigs
Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, "
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
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Radiation Cook Book
Radiation in this context meant radiant heat.  A Regulo-Controlled Gas Cooker controlled radiant heat with a thermostat and
a "Radiation Recipe Book" was included with each sale.
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Bombardier Cockpit
"The pilot's physical fitness, eye test and coordination tests are included" so you don't crash your cardboard cockpit.
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Miss your mom? Call her long distance
On February 12, 1877, the first long-distance phone call in history was made from Salem to Boston, MA. They had to wait till after 6PM when the rates went down.
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Blatz - Liberace
Liberace didn't seem like a Blatz beer kind of guy.
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Sleep With Donald Trump
In the 1990s, Playgirl ran a contest (Probably paid for by Trump) where the grand prize was a pillowcase with Trump's picture on it.
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Monkey Brand
Monkey Brand soap was introduced in the 1880s as a household scouring and polishing soap. Each package included the admonition, " Not to be Used on Clothes!" because the soap included pumice.
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Raise Giant Frogs
The Goliath frog can grow up to 13 inches in length, and weigh over 7 lbs. During the Depression of the 1930s, people were encouraged to grow "Giant Frogs" for fun and profit.
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watu wazuri use afro sheen
"Now that you've decided to be beautiful"
Huh? You can just decide to be beautiful?
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Remco Exploding Booby Trap and Mine
The Remco "Monkey Division -- for Jungle Warfare" line of weaponry and accessories, including 2 different bazookas and a mortar was introduced in 1963.
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Atora Beef Suet
Suet is raw beef fat from around the joints and kidneys. Beef Suet pudding is a traditional British recipe. Doesn't that look delicious?
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Prophylaxis prevents venereal disease
Apparently only "loose" women spread venereal disease.
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Black Cat Cigarettes

Carreras Tobacco Company was founded in 1788 in London by a nobleman from Spain, Don José Carreras Ferrer.
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Rectal Disorders
And who doesn't want a free "illustrated" book of rectal disorders?
Dr. A. S. McCleary founded the McCleary Clinic and Hospital in 1901, which specialized in rectal and chronic diseases.
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Bashful -- Richard Blackstone
"Shame on you!"
Published in the March 1929 issue of Physical Culture magazine.
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New Cordless Body Vibrator
"Fantastically Exciting...Deep penetrating relief to your body never before experienced." Obscenity laws prevented companies from advertising devices for sexual pleasure until the 1970s.
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Alaska Down Bustle
Exaggeration of the feminine posterior has been a common theme in Western fashion. The bustle was first patented in 1857 and was popular until the 1890s.
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Kanekalon -- Keep easy hair
Kanekalon -- for that helmet head look!
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Indoor Toilet
A chemical toilet in your house is probably not going to be "odorless."
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Gay Book Magazine
 Gay Book (1933-1945) was a magazine for men that featured cartoons, pin-ups and sexy stories.
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Budweiser - Where there's life there's Bud
 Budweiser - Where there's carb-loading there's Bud!
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Frigidaire Stereo Cooling
"Stereo Cooling" 
 Instead of blowing cool air directly at you, this Frigidaire air conditioner directs the cooled air away from you. Genius!
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I Love Lucy Baby Doll
 "She drinks, wets, blows bubbles, can be bathed, CRIES with a lusty voice and real tears"

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