Ken Padgett: Funny Vintage Ads (42)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Just get a giant magnet and point it at that metal plate in her head.

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Thunderbird is a fortified wine, also known as a "bum drink"
that has been described as a hangover in a bottle that tastes like cough syrup.

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Since the US Army became all volunteer in 1973, their best recruiting tool has always been high unemployment.

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Stillman’s Freckle Cream contained toxic mercury compounds until the 1970s, when restrictions or prohibitions were placed on the cosmetic use of mercury by the FDA.

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She doesn't need a "larger than life" photo because she is already scary enough with those raccoon eyes.

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Just solving the puzzle is the easy part. How quickly can you do it?

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This is what the experts came up with for astronauts to wear in case a space ship depressurized.

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Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, "I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."

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Radiation in this context meant radiant heat. A Regulo-Controlled Gas Cooker controlled radiant heat with a thermostat and a "Radiation Recipe Book" was included with each sale.

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"The pilot's physical fitness, eye test and coordination tests are included" so you don't crash your cardboard cockpit.

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On February 12, 1877, the first long-distance phone call in history was made from Salem to Boston, MA. They had to wait till after 6PM when the rates went down.

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Liberace didn't seem like a Blatz beer kind of guy.

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In the 1990s, Playgirl ran a contest (Probably paid for by Trump) where the grand prize was a pillowcase with Trump's picture on it.

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Monkey Brand soap was introduced in the 1880s as a household scouring and polishing soap. Each package included the admonition, " Not to be Used on Clothes!" because the soap included pumice.

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The Goliath frog can grow up to 13 inches in length, and weigh over 7 lbs. During the Depression of the 1930s, people were encouraged to grow "Giant Frogs" for fun and profit.

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"Now that you've decided to be beautiful"
Huh? You can just decide to be beautiful?

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The Remco "Monkey Division -- for Jungle Warfare" line of weaponry and accessories, including 2 different bazookas and a mortar was introduced in 1963.

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Suet is raw beef fat from around the joints and kidneys. Beef Suet pudding is a traditional British recipe. Doesn't that look delicious?

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Apparently only "loose" women spread venereal disease.

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Carreras Tobacco Company was founded in 1788 in London by a nobleman from Spain, Don José Carreras Ferrer.

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And who doesn't want a free "illustrated" book of rectal disorders?
Dr. A. S. McCleary founded the McCleary Clinic and Hospital in 1901, which specialized in rectal and chronic diseases.

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"Shame on you!"
Published in the March 1929 issue of Physical Culture magazine.

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"Fantastically Exciting...Deep penetrating relief to your body never before experienced." Obscenity laws prevented companies from advertising devices for sexual pleasure until the 1970s.

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Exaggeration of the feminine posterior has been a common theme in Western fashion. The bustle was first patented in 1857 and was popular until the 1890s.

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