Monday, August 19, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (29)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
Raleigh Chopper
In April of 1969, the MK 1 edition of the Raleigh Chopper went on sale to the general public.  The Chopper copied the high-rise handlebars, long seat backs, and sissy bar of "chopped" motorcycles and included a 3-speed gear shift that was positioned right where a boy's tender bits were likely to land during a crash.

Bensen gyrocopter
"Easy to Build and Fly" -- Easy to crash too.
In 1953 Dr. Igor B. Bensen started Bensen Aircraft Corp., in Raleigh, North Carolina, with the goal of developing a mass-producible “People’s Flying Machine” capable of door-to-door transportation.


Superman -- Help Keep Your School All-American
In 1949, DC (National Comics) produced this image and text originally for a 12 x 18” brown paper school book cover that was distributed to schools by the Institute for American Democracy, an offshoot of the Anti-Defamation League. 

Great Sale of Slaves
It's hard to imagine there was ever a time when some humans were bought and sold like livestock, but for black Americans the end of slavery was just the beginning of their quest for equality. Another century would pass before the nation began to truly embrace that goal and we still haven't even come close to reaching it.
Kellogg's Rice Bubbles
Kellogg's Rice Krispies were marketed as Rice Bubbles in Australia and New Zealand. They were created by a patented process that Kellogg's called "oven-popping."
Sears Travelknit Fourpiece
Sears Travelknit Fourpiece.
When you can only afford one suit, make sure it's an ugly green doubleknit. 

Honeywell -- Strobonar 332
Gee, only 5 minutes between flash pictures. That'll work out great if you're photographing a wedding and reception.
Murray Regent -- What a gay assortment
Guy in Blackface: "I'm not gay! And I'm not racist either."
StepOuts by Roberto di Paoli
No, please DO NOT step out of those towel shorts!

New York Central -- To Every Mother in America
During WW2, every US corporation wanted Americans to know they were doing their part.
"Tonight, Mothers of America, remember these things, and listen for the whistle of the trains as they go thundering in the dark. Listen ... and you'll hear the voice of a nation's fury .. the battle-hymn of free men working together, fighting together, until Victory is ours."

Colgate - What's a moon without a man?
"What's a moon without a man?"
I don't that like a fish without a bicycle?
Colgate was the first toothpaste in a collapsible tube, introduced in 1896 in New York City.

Crosby's Vaporising Inhaler
 In 1876, George Crosby received a patent for Crosby's Vaporising Inhaler. The inhaler was touted as a remedy for Catarrh (excessive discharge or buildup of mucus in the nose or throat) and all diseases of the mucous membranes and air passages of the head, throat and lungs.

Atomic Radiation -- Kill the rumors Know the facts
"Radiation poisoning is way overblown and nuclear bombs are not dangerous at all!" - guy with three headed baby.
Kenn Duncan -- Nudes and More Nudes
Although Kenn Duncan is mostly remembered today for his photographs of male nudes, in the 1980s he was famous for his photographs of "Divas" like  Bernadette Peters, Chita Rivera, Angela Lansbury, Joan Rivers, Bette Midler, Susan Sarandon, Carrie Fisher, Lily Tomlin, Labelle, and Diane Keaton.
Leggs -- It's nice to have a girl around the house
Why is a man standing on this "Tiger Lady" in a victory pose? Oh, that's right, because as soon as she saw his Mr. Leggs pants she let him “walk all over her.”

Colt -- Safety on the highways
“Our women-folk are mighty independent now-a-days”
If that cop is there to help, why is his gun pointed at her head?

Crippen -- Professional New Punching Bag
 If you want to project an image of strength, maybe you shouldn't wear your robe like a dress when you work out.
Join Civil Defense
Most Baby Boomers can remember Civil Defense drills that were based on the dubious notion that that people should try to survive a nuclear apocalypse.
 Band-Aid was introduced in 1920, but it wasn't until the 1960s that a "flesh-colored" bandage was introduced for black people, and even then they were, "not available in stores."


From the makers of Reddi-Wip, Reddi-Bacon was pre-cooked bacon packaged with an absorbent paper pad between sheets of foil. Unfortunately, leaking bacon grease would wreck your toaster and cause a fire hazard.
Modess -- Why do minds misbehave?
DIAGNOSIS: "Accident panic" -- the fear that the sanitary napkin she wore did not afford complete safety and protection. 

Nunn-Bush -- A man needs a choice
"A man needs a choice"
And apparently, that choice includes three
types of footwear, and... a naked woman.

Farr's Patent Ladies' Menstrual Receptacle

Despite claims that it is “the grandest invention for the convenience and cleanliness of ladies,” this device certainly appears to be a very strange and uncomfortable contraption. A soft rubber cup gets inserted into the vagina, and fluid flows into a “receptacle” attached to a belt. “At night, before retiring, the fluid can and should be removed, simply by removing a cap, without removing the instrument.”
The first version of Appetrol was a fiber supplement that, "promotes a feeling of fullness." Apparently that didn't work well because later versions of Appetrol contained Dextroamphetamine, "a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant and amphetamine."
The Saf-t-Bra was a hard plastic brassiere produced during World War II, to prevent injuries to the breasts of women war workers.
Rapid Mechanical Calculation
The first adding machine was invented by nineteen-year-old  Blaise Pascal in 1642. Dorr Eugene Felt was an American inventor and industrialist who was known for having invented the Comptometer, an early computing device, and the Comptograph, the first printing adding machine.
New 1943 Norge
Every well-equipped kitchen needs a machine gun emplacement.
During WW2, many heavy industries switched to wartime production, but they also wanted to let people know that they were still in business and would be shipping consumer products as soon as the war was over.
Candy cigarettes -- Just like Dad
Candy cigarettes taste like chalk, so it's not the taste that attracts children, but the chance to look like an "adult." A 1990 study found that sixth graders who used candy cigarettes were twice as likely to smoke cigarettes than those who did not use candy cigarettes, and yet candy cigarettes are still available for sale today -- even on Amazon.

Major Matt Mason
In the early 1960s, the Matt Mason character was developed by Mattel to compete against Hasbro’s G.I. Joe. Mason was a "bendy” -- a figure with a rubber-molded body covering a wire frame that could be bent to make the figure pose in different positions. A 3D film based on the toy series was announced in 2011, starring Tom Hanks and with an estimated budget of $100 million.
Hart Schaffner & Marx
 "Incidentally -- Shagland's price won't strain your allowance or dad's charge account a bit!"
You wouldn't want to strain dad's charge account by buying expensive suits, since he's also paying for your education.


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