Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (20)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.


Tangee Glowing Lips

Of course he won't kiss you, you have painted glaring lips!
Tangee was a technical marvel. Its tangerine shade (that gave the product its name) actually changed color after it was applied to conform to the complexion of the wearer.


Kryptonite Rocks

If you're really a Superman fan, why would you want to own a rock that could kill him? Kids who sent in their $2.50 plus $1.00 shipping received one or two green plastic rocks that glowed in the dark.

Apeco Electro-stat

"Copies Everything Electronically Dry"
so you won't get ink on your ass cheeks.


The Hooter

"The Hooter" so you can "vacuum" up your cocaine.
The 1970s was a "golden age" for advertising cocaine paraphernalia, but it came to an end in the early 1980s, with increasing restrictions on advertising drug paraphernalia as part of Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign.


Catch Your Man With Taste Tempting Donuts
"It's leap year girls! Catch your man with taste-tempting donuts."
If you really think marriage is a trap, why bother with a ball and chain? Just put the donuts in a bear trap.


Does your husband yawn at the table

"The things women have to put up with. Most husbands, nowadays, have stopped beating their wives, but what can be more agonizing to a sensitive soul than a man’s boredom at meals."


Doan's Kidney Pills

 In 1832 the formulation of Doan’s Pills “was the secret…of an old Quaker lady,” named Aunty Rogers, when she began sharing it with members of her community where it became known as Aunty Rogers' Kidney Cure. Dr. James Doan bought the rights to the patent medicine, and then he improved it, before marketing it throughout the country and the rest of the world.


 Chlorine Kilacold Bomb

The Kilacold chlorine bomb was a teardrop-shaped glass ampoule containing 0.35g of chlorine gas. The patient had to break the end off to allow the gas to permeate the air of a closed room and, according to the advertising, their cold would disappear within an hour.


Hypnotize with any TV set

 In the 1960s you had to order a book to find out how to hypnotize via TV. Now all you need to do is turn the channel to Fox News and they'll do the rest.


Gayetty's Medicated Paper

Joseph C. Gayetty is credited as the inventor of modern commercially available toilet paper. "Gayetty's Medicated Paper" was sold in packages of flat sheets, medicated with aloe and watermarked with his name.


Trimz DDT wallpaper

“Tested and commended by Parents Magazine,Trimz DDT children’s room wallpaper kills flies, mosquito’s and ants on contact...” Of course the best way to protect your children from insects is to fill their room with a powerful insecticide. Just make sure they don't lick the walls


Anatomy of a Parking System

Since the introduction of advertising, women have been objectified and used to sell products. This 1970s ad is a particularly crude example of dehumanizing and demeaning a woman by using her as a prop. Unfortunately, this is tame by today's standards, where advertisers often hyper-sexualize females and their body parts.


Castoria - Don't let daddy lick me again!

Thank heavens for Castoria!, Before this miracle laxative was developed for children, the only solution for constipation was to beat the shit out of your kid with a hairbrush.


Eastman Kodak COs Brownie Camera

The Brownie camera was invented by Frank A. Brownell in 1900. It was a basic cardboard box camera wrapped in imitation leather, with a simple meniscus lens that took 2 1/4-inch square pictures. One hundred thousand of them were purchased during the first year alone. The Brownie's low price and ease of use helped to make photography available to everyone, and the brownie cameras became the best-selling cameras of all-time.


Hellmans - Treasure-Basket Salad with REal Mayonnaise

 Tomatoes stuffed with cottage cheese and mayonnaise?


American Airlines New Coach Lounge

It's hard to believe air travel was ever like this, because flying today is a lot like riding a bus.
 In 1966, American Airlines ordered several Boeing 747 Astroliners; the biggest commercial airplanes at the time. But by the time American received the new aircraft in 1970, the economy was in a recession and there was too much capacity in the industry to justify 303-seat jumbos. So American pulled 50 seats off each 747 and used the free space to create a passenger lounge. They even installed a Wurlitzer piano in each lounge. Unfortunately, ticket sales didn't justify the added expense and the piano-lounge-in-the-sky era ended quickly.


Old Gold Cigarettes - Something New Has Been Added

Old Gold was introduced in 1926, with the slogan "Not a cough in a carload." In 1941, the slogan was changed to "Something new has been added" a catchphrase created by comedian and cartoon voice actor Jerry Colonna, one of Bob Hope’s radio sidekicks.


You don't have to be Jewish to love Levy's

Sales of Levy’s rye bread soared in 1961 after Judy Protas, an advertising executive at Doyle Dane Bernbach created this tag line for a Jewish bakery in Brooklyn.


Sylvania TV HaloLight with Buck Rogers Space Ranger Kit

This is an early 1950s advertisement offering youngsters a Buck Rogers Space Rangers Kit as a premium in conjunction with Sylvania "HaloLight" TV. "HaloLight" was muted fluorescence illumination around the border of the TV screen and was introduced by Sylvania during 1952-1953.

Women are teachable

In the 1940s, RCA published a guide for how male bosses should treat female employees. Men were told that “women are teachable” and that they should "avoid horseplay or “kidding”; she may resent it."


The Keeley Cure

The Keeley Institute, known for its Keeley Cure or Gold Cure, was a sanitarium that offered treatment to alcoholics from 1879 to 1965. Dr. Keeley is remembered as the first to treat alcoholism as a medical disease rather than a social vice.


Dr. Thomas Eclectric Oil

Dr. Thomas' Eclectric Oil (also sold as Excelsior Eclectric Oil) was pain relief remedy and general cure-all created by S. N. Thomas in the 1860s. The name is a portmanteau of Electricity and magnetic, evoking notions of advanced technology which didn't actually exist.

Oh, what a wonderful day!
 A lovely morning poop and suddenly she is ten pounds lighter!


Penis Pants from Eldridge de Paris

“Clothing is an extension of the fig leaf — it put our sex inside our bodies,” Cleaver told Newsweek in 1975. “My pants put sex back where it should be.”


Mexican Tee Nee Original Fiesta Dress

 Buy a Mexican dress complete with straw sombrero "imported" from Michigan.


How You Were Born Record

Thank God there is this record to free me from my parental responsibility to explain where babies come from


Cooper's New Discovery

L.T. Cooper sold patent medicines at rural medicine shows beginning in 1904. Cooper's New Discovery contained 17% alcohol and was sold as a tonic and system purifier, as well as a "worm and germ expeller." Patent medicines containing lots of alcohol were popular in "dry counties" of the South where liquor was outlawed. Cooper was arrested for fraud in 1914. 


Atom Chef

"Atom Chef uses a hot atomic reactor core to magically surround your food with thousands of excited, flavor-packed neutrons and delicious, wholesome protons..."
An obvious fake, but very clever. 


The Deadly Secrets of Killer Kung Fu
 "Terrifying, Deadly, Destructive, Amazing -- THE CLAWS OF TERROR.
FREE Oriental Devil Fighting Society Certificate of Membership (suitable for framing) as an added bonus for ordering early."


Pez Shooter

 So you put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger to get a candy treat. What could go wrong!
The Candy Shooter Gun was first released in 1965.


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