Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (21)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Ahhhh, the perfect Christmas centerpiece. Every Oscar Mayer cured meat you can think of, along with parsley and huckleberry leaves, pinned to a tree made out of a kitchen funnel and styrofoam.

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Old Glory & War Eagle Cheroots

A cheroot is a cylindrical cigar with both ends clipped during manufacture. Since cheroots do not taper, they are inexpensive to roll mechanically, and their low cost makes them popular. Lunsford Richardson, 1854–1919, was an American pharmacist from Selma, North Carolina, and the inventor of Vick's VapoRub.
 
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The first portable handheld hairdryer was invented in 1920, but that didn't stop some intrepid soul from building this massive industrial-strength version sometime soon after.

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Face Harness for Milady's Beauty

"Sagging chins are lifted and unbecoming wrinkles are smoothed out around the lips, cheeks and forehead... It is worn overnight, removed in morning."
Also doubles as a torture device!


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Gordon Motor Crib Co

Long before child safety seats were invented, there were motor cribs or car bassinets so that mothers didn't have to hold their babies during car rides. They were totally unsafe and this one looks like it would pivot and launch the baby into the air if the mother slams on the brakes.

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Lucky Tiger Hair Tonic
"Start him young -- to prevent falling" ... sales!
Lucky Tiger began in the 1920’s, in Kansas City, Missouri, in the basement of barber Benjamin Clarke and is still being sold today.


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Society simply won't stand for Indelicate Women
  "As quick as a wink, a few sprinkles of Amolin will guard your freshness and wholesomeness all day long!"
Ads targeting women attempt to create or amplify feelings of fear, social estrangement, rejection, anxiety, and paranoia in order to sell products.


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Hollywood Finger Cigarette Ring
 "No chance of dropping cigarette while fatigued" Apparently the manufacturer thought it too burdensome to simply hold a cigarette between one’s fingers, so they made this little device.
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Jell-O is the Gay Dessert

 "Go gay with Jell-O -- today!"

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Loftis - Diamonds on Credit

 Loftis Bros & Company was established in Chicago in 1858, and in this 1905 ad they claim to be the "oldest, the largest, and the most reliable credit retailers of Diamonds, Watches, and Jewelry in the world."

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Deepfreeze - the talked-about home freezer
"Opens at the top . . . cold can't spill out -- and how beautifully efficient it looks in your home!"
"Beautifully efficient???" Can you imagine trying to fit this monster in your kitchen?

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Gibson Girl Cigarettes
The Gibson Girl was created by Charles Dana Gibson in the late 1890's. During a 20-year period, she became every woman's ideal and every man's dream. Gibson's "American girl to all the world" was not only stunningly tall, thin, and beautiful, but also an independent and well-educated young woman poised to take a more visible and active role in the public arena than women of preceding generations.
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Pyrodento

The human mouth is one of the dirtiest parts of the body, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A human mouth is host to hundreds of species of bacteria, many of which simply live there and don’t really cause any damage. If any disease-causing bugs get into our mouths, these “good” bacteria outgrow them and starve out the competition to make sure that we don’t get sick.

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Dr Guertins Nerve Syrup
Dr. Guertin's Nerve Syrup was a patent medicine sold by Kalmus Chemical Company, promoted as a treatment for diseases of the nervous system, and particularly as an epilepsy cure.  Although it was sold under the name of Dr. A. L. Guertin, an associate linked to the company, the concoction was the creation of Otto Kalmus, who had previously engaged in a mail scam offering epilepsy treatment, before it was banned as fraudulent by the Postal Service in 1908.
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Hoosier Kitchen Cabinets - 1906
Until the 1930s, very few homes had built-in kitchen cabinets. A typical kitchen contained a sink, stove, an icebox and a Hoosier cabinet. They were called Hoosier Cabinets because the first was made in Indiana in 1898, by the Hoosier Manufacturing Company. Hoosier style cabinets were also made by dozens of other companies, and most were manufactured in the Hoosier State or nearby.
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1922 Frigidaire - No More Ice
Prior to the invention of the first self-contained electric refrigerator by Frigidaire in 1916, many American households stored their perishable food in an insulated "icebox" that was usually made of wood and lined with tin or zinc. The ice man came once a week and delivered a fresh block of ice.
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Latest in Water Saving Velocipede Shower-Baths

The "Latest in Water Saving VELOCIPEDE Shower Baths." Rinse the dirt off and then put it right back on again with the same dirty water!

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Spaniard's Mirror System Creates an Invisible Army

 Aside from the sheer bulk of this mirror system and the difficulty of deploying it on an active battlefield, there's the fact that one bullet would shatter it.

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Westinghouse First Indoor Sunshine
 Yes, ladies, there’s nothing like ceiling-mounted fluorescent lighting to accentuate every wrinkle on your face and the bags under your eyes.
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Your Friend...the Atom

 "Your future home may have electric master panels like this."
Yes, it's called an iPhone.


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Weil Scientific Reducing Belt

"The Weil Reducing Belt made of special reducing rubber, produces exactly the same results as a skilled masseur, only quicker and cheaper."
You won't lose any weightwith a reducing belt, or trimming belt, or abs belt. The only thing that will be lighter is your wallet.


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Andrews Liver Salt
Andrews Liver Salts, a laxative and antacid, was first sold from 1894, by William Henry Scott and William Murdoch Turner in England. The trademark "Andrews Liver Salt" was registered in 1909. In the 1930s, advertisements recommended taking the salts for "inner cleanliness".
 Andrews Liver Salts is now owned by GlaxoSmithKline.


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Jell-o to Drink
Jell-O brand powder first hit the market in 1897, and over the years their advertising featured many recipes.  In this ad from 1959, readers are told that the gelatin protein that is produced when animal bones, connective tissues and other similar meat by-products are boiled makes a delicious soft drink.

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Drink Sober-up it's a Lifesaver
 
“It’s A Lifesaver,” and it’s also “Fit For A King.”
A 30-oz bottle of lemon-lime soda, similar to 7-UP won't sober you up, but it might help with alcohol induced dehydration.


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US Army - Action!

 During WW2, the US Army suggested that young men looking for a little "action" join the army.
"You'll like the splendid new equipment -- cars, trucks, tanks, planes, guns -- that you'll be using."


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suffragette
The 19th Amendment, ratified on August 18, 1920, finally granted women the right to vote. Men reacted to women's demand for the vote badly then, and treat powerful women in politics just as badly now. 
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Maternity Corset 

Women who had worn corsets since childhood or adolescence probably had weaker abdominal muscles and might have benefited from proper support, but maternity corsets were not specially designed for support. Instead, the corsets were designed to minimize the size of the pregnant body. Maternity corsets shielded the pregnant body from view and thus provided Victorian society another means of denying women’s sexuality.

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Dogs for Defense
After Pearl Harbor, the US military asked pet owners to donate their pet dogs to the war effort. Dogs for Defense was a very successful program, recruiting approximately 20,000 dogs during WW2.

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COMPUTER CORPORATION OF AMERICA.  IDA (Integro-Differential Analyzer

 The all vacuum tube IDA (Integro-Differential Analyzer) by
Computer Corporation of America was introduced in 1951. At a time when computers took up entire rooms, this device allowed you to "actually sit at your desk while you compute!"


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Dupont Aerosol Stuffing

"At last the backbreaking chore of stuffing is done in minutes..." And unlike "stovetop" alternatives, the salmonella bacteria in the turkey will still pollute the stuffing and give your family food poisoning, just like the old days. 


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