Thursday, June 28, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (15)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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The Prowler is loose!

Oh yes! The Prowler is indeed loose. Tiger-striped polyester says "rowrrrr" in a way that crushed velour just can't. It also says "welcome to Studio 54! The "powder room" is just down the hall."
The Ah Men mail order catalog, had to be the gayest catalog EVER.
Ah Men was a classic 1970's mail order catalog full of gay men modeling polyester shirts and swimwear as well as trousers, safari suits, Kung Fu outfits and some extraordinary kaftans and pajamas!

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Italian fanny pincher

"Brings a million laughs..." and a sexual assault charge.

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Puritan Publishing Company

The Puritan Publishing Company is probably not the best place to get sex advice. But the Puritans took the matrimonial duty of sex so seriously that failure to extend “due benevolence” by either partner could be grounds for church discipline. There is at least one case on record in which a husband was excommunicated for “neglecting his wife” by not having intercourse with her for a long period of time.
 
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Sears -- Beautiful Fur Trimmed Beaver Cloth Cape

 The North American fur trade began in the 1500s and was a central part of the early history of contact between Europeans and the native peoples of what is now the United States and Canada. From about 1550 until 1850, felt hats were fashionable in much of Europe and the felt hat industry became the driving force behind the fur trade. But by the late-19th century, trapping had resulted in the beaver being close to extinction.

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Neuralgine

The heyday for patent medicines, ranging from worthless to downright toxic, coincided with the first boom in the advertising industry (1880s). Americans were plagued by a variety of health disorders, and the market for miracle cures was so vast that an army of quacks and charlatans emerged to profit from the demand.

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AMC Pacer

Comparing the AMC Pacer (a compact car with plenty of "trunk" space) with a woman's rear end.
The Pacer was something of an oddity, even by American Motors standards. It was strangely wide and bubble-shaped, with the right-side door 4″ longer than the left-side door. 


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Sugar Information

Throughout the 1960’s and 1970’s, Sugar Information Inc. ran ads to convince people of the dietary benefits of sugar, while actively working to suppress the scientific evidence linking sugar consumption to negative health consequences.

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Sea Monkeys

Harold von Braunhut created the sea monkey phenom in 1957. “Sea monkeys” are just brine shrimp. What makes them unique is that their eggs can be stored for long periods of time and hatched in a brine solution.

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Cooper Power Lawn Mower

"Where the Cooper Power Mower is used, frequent and regular cutting of a lawn becomes a pleasure."
It's so quick and easy, you'll be mowing your lawn while dressed for a night on the town!


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The Great Yaquis snake oil liniment

Snake oil is a traditional Chinese ointment utilizing fat extracted from the Chinese water snake, and is applied topically to treat joint pain. Chinese water-snake oil contains 20 percent eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA), which has strong analgesic and anti-inflammatory properties. American "snake oil" (if it had any actual oil from a snake) was usually made from rattlesnake oil, which contains about 8.5% EPA.

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Smog Helmet

Why not just suck on a car exhaust pipe and note the effects?

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Old Black Joe

"Old Black Joe" is a sentimental song about slavery, written by Stephen Foster (1826–1864). The song lyrics describe the sadness of losing friends from the old days “in the cotton fields” while completely ignoring the cruelty of slavery.
The nostalgia evoked by "Old Black Joe" was a favorite of  advertisers after the Civil War and the end of slavery.


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Iver Johnson Revolvers

 "Absolutely Safe"
"They are not toys" but don't worry, because "Papa says it won't hurt us."
U.S. President William McKinley and presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy were killed by assassins using Iver Johnson Revolvers.


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Gay Johnny Texas Vegetables

"Gay" used to mean happy or joyful until the late 1950s, but as far back as the 17th century, the word began to be associated with immorality. By the 19th century, the word gay was used to refer to a woman who was a prostitute or a man who slept with a lot of women. In the 1930s, a “gay man” no longer just meant a man who had sex with a lot of women, but now also referred to men who had sex with other men. And finally, by the late 1950s "gay" was only being used to describe homosexuals.


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Gold Medal Flour

Minneapolis Milling Company, was incorporated in 1856. In 1877, the mill entered a partnership with John Crosby to form the Washburn-Crosby Company. In 1880, Washburn Crosby entered several grades of flour in the first International Millers' Exhibition in Cincinnati, Ohio. Those flours won the gold, silver and bronze medals, and the company subsequently changed the name of its highest-quality flour to Gold Medal. Washburn-Crosby merged with 28 other mills to create General Mills in June, 1928.

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Budweiser -- She Married Two Men

Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde? She quickly discovered that her new husband was indeed a different kind of man. Is he waiting for her to put the suitcases in the car?

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Belmont Television  
A promise of what post war television would be.
During World War 2, production of new televisions, radios and other civilian broadcasting equipment was suspended in the US until August of 1945, while broadcasting continued on a limited basis throughout the war. But by 1947, there were about 44,000 TVs, and that number swelled to 940,000 in 1949 and 20 million in 1953. Regular broadcasts on the first network, DuMont, began in 1946, and the major networks -- NBC, CBS and ABC -- were all up and running by 1948.


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Canadian Patriotic Fund

"My skin is dark but my heart is white."
The Canadian Patriotic Fund (1914–1919) was a private organization that gave financial and social assistance to soldiers' families. One of the ways they did it was to put racist words into the mouths of Native Canadians.


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If your wife hits something in a Volkswagen

“Sooner or later, your wife will drive home one of the best reasons for owning a Volkswagen. Women are soft and gentle, but they hit things. If your wife hits something in a Volkswagen, it doesn’t hurt you very much."

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Van Heusen Oxford shirts


4 smiling mid-Century father figures make the ‘smart’ choice and go with Van Heusen shirts; only the ‘savage’ – complete with nose ring and bone through his top-knot – chooses otherwise. And even he wonders about his choice of accessories.

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“Clothing is an extension of the fig leaf — it put our sex inside our bodies,” Eldridge Cleaver told Newsweek in 1975. “My pants put sex back where it should be.” The Black Panthers leader and radical intellectual came up with the idea while living in exile in Paris after fleeing charges from a gun battle with the police in 1968.

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Eddie Cantor for Old Gold cigarettes

Suspicions about the negative health effects of cigarettes had already become ingrained in popular culture by the turn of the 20th Century with terms like “coffin nails” and “smoker’s cough,” and from the 1930s to the late 1950s, cigarette advertising was focused on convincing people that their brand was better than others for smokers health. Tobacco marketers got actors, athletes and even doctors to endorse their goods and make ridiculous claims about the health benefits of smoking their brand of cigarettes.

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DC-6 Skysleeper Service

In 1948, American Airlines introduced the DC-6 "Skysleeper" -- outfitted with 8 sleeper berths and 36 regular seats. The lower berths could accommodate two passengers, which might have encouraged some to join the "Mile High Club."

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"Men love fannies" vintage ad

Before butt implants were invented, women had to settle for panties with extra padding or plastic butt cheeks.

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Genuine Mink Jock

"The mystique of mink where it matters most." And this is genuine mink, not one of those cheaper rabbit or weasel jock straps. And who is gonna check "S" as their size?

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Ayer's Sarsaparilla

"Two bottles of Ayer's Sarsaparilla cured my baby of an eruption which covered his body in one solid scab -- Mrs. Kate Lamb, Orton, Utah."
James Cook Ayer was the most successful patent medicine manufacturer of his age (1830s--1880s) and he accumulated one of the great fortunes of the era, an estimated $20 million. The real secret to his success was the $140,000 a year he spent on advertisements.


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The Open-Front Shirt

"A dazzling shirt to make people look at you twice...Lustrous fabric 91% acetate and 9% Nylon." Lots of chest hair and a fabric that doesn't breathe. Sounds real sweaty.

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Kit-Cat and Kit-Kat

Kit Kat first appeared in the 1920s, when Rowntree's, a confectionery company based in the UK, launched a brand of chocolates called Kit Cat.

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K & A Mop Bucket - A gift Mother will appreciate 365 days a year!

"See Mother's eyes gleam at this labour-saving gift."
Is she really happy, or is she thinking of getting even while you are asleep?


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Bernie with a Bagdad Turkish Water Pipe

 This is a 1936 print ad for the Bagdad Turkish Water Pipe, a product of The Briarwood Corporation. This ad features Ben Bernie, an American jazz violinist, bandleader, and radio personality, often introduced as "The Old Maestro."

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