Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (42)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

How to Attract Women
Just get a giant magnet and point it at that metal plate in her head. 
Drink Thunderbird Instead
Thunderbird is a fortified wine, also known as a "bum drink"

that has been described as a hangover in a bottle that tastes like cough syrup.
Army Steady Jobs
Since the US Army became all volunteer in 1973, their best recruiting tool has always been high unemployment.
Stillman's Freckle Cream
Stillman’s Freckle Cream contained toxic mercury compounds until the 1970s, when restrictions or prohibitions were placed on the cosmetic use of mercury by the FDA.
Larger Than Life Poster of Yourself
She doesn't need a "larger than life" photo because she is already scary enough with those raccoon eyes.
Cube Lube
Just solving the puzzle is the easy part. How quickly can you do it?
Here's what we'll wear -- in space
This is what the experts came up with for astronauts to wear in case a space ship depressurized.
Barnum & Bailey trained pigs
Winston Churchill is quoted as saying, "
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals."
Radiation Cook Book
Radiation in this context meant radiant heat.  A Regulo-Controlled Gas Cooker controlled radiant heat with a thermostat and
a "Radiation Recipe Book" was included with each sale.
Bombardier Cockpit
"The pilot's physical fitness, eye test and coordination tests are included" so you don't crash your cardboard cockpit.
Miss your mom? Call her long distance
On February 12, 1877, the first long-distance phone call in history was made from Salem to Boston, MA. They had to wait till after 6PM when the rates went down.
Blatz - Liberace
Liberace didn't seem like a Blatz beer kind of guy.
Sleep With Donald Trump
In the 1990s, Playgirl ran a contest (Probably paid for by Trump) where the grand prize was a pillowcase with Trump's picture on it.
Monkey Brand
Monkey Brand soap was introduced in the 1880s as a household scouring and polishing soap. Each package included the admonition, " Not to be Used on Clothes!" because the soap included pumice.
Raise Giant Frogs
The Goliath frog can grow up to 13 inches in length, and weigh over 7 lbs. During the Depression of the 1930s, people were encouraged to grow "Giant Frogs" for fun and profit.
watu wazuri use afro sheen
"Now that you've decided to be beautiful"
Huh? You can just decide to be beautiful?
Remco Exploding Booby Trap and Mine
The Remco "Monkey Division -- for Jungle Warfare" line of weaponry and accessories, including 2 different bazookas and a mortar was introduced in 1963.
Atora Beef Suet
Suet is raw beef fat from around the joints and kidneys. Beef Suet pudding is a traditional British recipe. Doesn't that look delicious?
Prophylaxis prevents venereal disease
Apparently only "loose" women spread venereal disease.
Black Cat Cigarettes

Carreras Tobacco Company was founded in 1788 in London by a nobleman from Spain, Don José Carreras Ferrer.
Rectal Disorders
And who doesn't want a free "illustrated" book of rectal disorders?
Dr. A. S. McCleary founded the McCleary Clinic and Hospital in 1901, which specialized in rectal and chronic diseases.
Bashful -- Richard Blackstone
"Shame on you!"
Published in the March 1929 issue of Physical Culture magazine.
New Cordless Body Vibrator
"Fantastically Exciting...Deep penetrating relief to your body never before experienced." Obscenity laws prevented companies from advertising devices for sexual pleasure until the 1970s.
Alaska Down Bustle
Exaggeration of the feminine posterior has been a common theme in Western fashion. The bustle was first patented in 1857 and was popular until the 1890s.
Kanekalon -- Keep easy hair
Kanekalon -- for that helmet head look!
Indoor Toilet
A chemical toilet in your house is probably not going to be "odorless."
Gay Book Magazine
 Gay Book (1933-1945) was a magazine for men that featured cartoons, pin-ups and sexy stories.
Budweiser - Where there's life there's Bud
 Budweiser - Where there's carb-loading there's Bud!
Frigidaire Stereo Cooling
"Stereo Cooling" 
 Instead of blowing cool air directly at you, this Frigidaire air conditioner directs the cooled air away from you. Genius!
I Love Lucy Baby Doll
 "She drinks, wets, blows bubbles, can be bathed, CRIES with a lusty voice and real tears"

Thursday, August 27, 2020

Book Review: In Defense of Looting


White People - Let's Go Looting

There are numerous questionable ways to defend looting; "The media won't pay attention unless there is violence or looting" "Looting rejects the legitimacy of ownership rights and property" "Boston Tea Party" etc. Author Vicky Osterweil mines them all in her new book, In Defense of Looting.

In Defense of Looting -- Vicky Osterweil

But no major change is possible in America without the support of the people who reject violence and looting. Greater violence during protests only leads to repression and marginalization. Non-violent protests will attract media coverage and foster change in America, but only if they are very large, consistent and sustained.  

Vicky Osterweil revealed her Marxist frame of reference in an August 27, 2020 interview published by NPR:

"It also attacks the very way in which food and things are distributed. It attacks the idea of property, and it attacks the idea that in order for someone to have a roof over their head or have a meal ticket, they have to work for a boss, in order to buy things that people just like them somewhere else in the world had to make under the same conditions. It points to the way in which that's unjust. And the reason that the world is organized that way, obviously, is for the profit of the people who own the stores and the factories. So you get to the heart of that property relation, and demonstrate that without police and without state oppression, we can have things for free."

It's unjust that people have to work for things? We can have things for free! Really? How does that work? Just take what you want? What happens when you run out of free stuff? How do the companies who produce what you take for free continue production with no income? It's a completely ridiculous argument that takes one down the rabbit-hole of Marxist ideology.

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (41)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
Snoopy Drive-in Theater
 The Kenner Snoopy Drive-in Movie Theater was introduced in 1975
    and used super 8 mm film loop cartridges that lasted about 45 seconds each.
twenty first century bourbon whisky
This Twenty First Century Bourbon whisky bottle was sold as a novelty item called "frisky whiskey."  The bottle was actually empty, except for a small battery-powered motor that was supposed to spook your party guests with its radioactive wobbling.
Spartan Quality Travel Trailer
The marketing wizard who came up with this campaign apparently didn't know the meaning of Spartan;  "indifference to comfort or luxury traditionally associated with ancient Sparta."
Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow
 Released in 1977, Milky the plastic cow could drink water, and then produce “pretend milk” when one of her rubber udders was squeezed.
Thorazine - Tyrant in the house?
"Thorazine, one of the fundamental drugs in medicine" sounds ridiculous for an anti psychotic 
developed in 1950, but it is still on the World Health Organization's List of Essential Medicines.
Pistol Packing Pee Wee
 Who doesn't want to turn their baby into a "Pistol Packing Pee Wee?" Only 73 cents in the 1950s.
Aunt Jemima -- I's in town, Honey
From 1890 to 1960, several African-American actresses played the role of Aunt Jemima to advertise a pancake mix. A composite image was used after 1960 and it wasn't till 2020 that the character and image were retired.
Auto Seat -- Baby Stays Put
 "Baby stays put" while chair and baby are launched through the windshield

 when you slam on the brakes.
Carrier War -- Air Conditioning makes it hot upstairs
During WW2, most companies advertised their contributions to the war effort.

Only Miracle Whip Can Make Pears Taste So Good
Miracle is the right word if it could somehow make this taste good.

3-in-One -- The High Quality All 'Round Oil
3-in-One Oil was invented in 1894 by George W. Cole for use on bicycles. He touted his invention's ability to “clean, lubricate and protect” because it contained a lubricant, a rust preventive and a cleaner.

Taxidermist - Learn to mount birds and animals
And you bored and have no friends? Learn to be a taxidermist and you can while away the hours mounting and posing dead animals.
Rid-Jid Ironing Board
Mrs Santa is thrilled that she can finally sit while spending endless hours ironing Santa's clothes.
Palmolive -- I love my husband far too much
You may love your husband "far too much" but you also need to worry that he will dump you the moment you start looking old.
Pyrex - A new material has come into the world
Pyrex was invented by Corning in 1915 as a line of clear, thermal-resistant glass for laboratory glassware and kitchenware.
Westclox -- Big Ben The Cheery Call that never fails
There's nothing cheery about waking up at 3:42 AM.
Big Loo - Giant Moon Robot
At three feet tall, Big Loo really was big and now they are a highly sought-after collectable. A mint-in-box Big Loo manufactured in 1963, was sold in 2017 for a record $6495.00 on eBay.
AC Spark Plug Pin-up
Albert Champion was a bicycle racer from France who came to America in 1899. AC Spark Plugs were first manufactured in 1908 in Flint Michigan. Pin-ups were a fixture in most auto repair shops well into the 1980s.
Model Smoking Tobacco
"Taking care with your model-making is like putting Model in your pipe..."
Except that you'd be better off smoking wood chips.

Chopper Bicycle
Raleigh sold over 1.5 million "Choppers" consisting of a sissy bar, "banana" seat, high handlebars and a fake gear shifter on a bicycle.
Record Ass
It's a mystery what they're selling, but this image is certainly an attention-grabber.
Mororola Shirt Pocket Radio
The first "pocket" transistor radios were marketed using shirts with extra large pockets.
Someone ought to tell her about Ry-Krisp

Fat shaming has a long and sordid history in advertising.
Doughboy - Make Playtime a Gay Time
During World War I, the company that would later become "Doughboy" perfected rubber sealing and won the Army contract to seal K-rations. After the war they began making recreational products.
Mr Brain - The Electronic Answer Man
You feed cards into "Mr Brain" with questions and answers. Mr Brain reads the cards and tells you which answers are wrong. So why not eliminate Mr Brain and put the right answers on the cards?
Ford Levacar Mach I
The Ford Levacar Mach I, was a concept hovercar developed by the Ford Motor Company in the 1950s. It used air pressure to provide lift and propulsion. Although the LEVICAR program was eventually dropped for economic reasons, it was technically successful.
My First Kiss - Practice Lips
"Don't be a shy!"
"Now you can will be pro!"

Jet Rocket Space Ship
You can take it into space but don’t leave it out in the rain.
Stag Party Originals
She doesn't belong at a stag party and the creepy guy needs a cold shower
Shredded Wheat - A boon to brides
If this is the morning after your wedding, it'll probably be a short marriage.