Friday, July 12, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (28)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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Quaalude
"Investigators report that patients on Quaalude can be easily awakened and that resumption of sleep is prompt and spontaneous."
Sure, why unplug the phone when you can just take a narcotic?

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Wanted -- Husbands for these girls
Wanted -- Husbands for these girls.
Must be able to tolerate excessive body odor.

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Win this full-size Genini Spacecraft
This was not some cardboard fake. A 13-year-old kid in Portland, Oregon won the contest and later donated the Gemini prototype to the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.
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Avon calling for the men in your life
 "Avon calling for the men in your life" who want cologne bottles that remind them of their childhood toys.
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Kotex
Before Kotex sanitary napkins hit the market in 1921, most women relied on homemade cloth pads. Kotex made the lives of 1920s women who could afford to buy the pads better, but their ads framed menstruation as a handicap that required fixing rather than a natural process.
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Karate Expert

"A home study course with lesson plans recorded on LP records."
Good luck trying to learn a physical skill requiring perfect timing, balance, and technical knowledge by listening to a record.

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New Ken Doll
The "Ken" doll (Kenneth Sean "Ken" Carson) was introduced by Mattel in 1961 as a boyfriend for Barbie, although there have always been questions as to Ken's true sexual orientation and whether he might be using Barbie as his beard.
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Concrete - for a comfortable, fire-safe place to live
"Concrete - for a comfortable, fire-safe place to live"...that looks like a prison.
The earliest recordings of concrete structures date back to 6500BC by the Nabataea traders in regions of Syria and Jordan. They created concrete floors, housing structures, and underground cisterns.

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Ferris' Good Sense Corset Waists

The Ferris "Good Sense" Corset Waist was stiffened by channels of cording. In its day, it was a sort of “reform” or “good sense” garment, more flexible and less rigid than the usual boned corset. This ad tells mothers not to put corsets on their children, but it also shows a child wearing one.
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Hotel Knickerbocker, San Diego
 The term Knickerbocker traces its origin to the Dutch settlers who came to New York in the 1600s. It refers to the style of pants the settlers wore...pants that rolled up just below the knee, which became known as "Knickerbockers", or "knickers"
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Bayer AG was founded in Germany, by Friedrich Bayer and began manufacturing aspirin in 1853.
By 1899, Bayer's trademark Aspirin was registered worldwide, but it lost its trademark status in the United States, France and the United Kingdom after the confiscation of Bayer's US assets and trademarks during World War I. Aspirin is still Bayer's registered trademark in over 80 countries, including Canada, Mexico, Germany and Switzerland.

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Witness the power of the atomic bomb
In the 1950s you could actually take a bus to the desert outside of Las Vegas to view an atomic explosion. Just make sure to wear a tie.
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Quaalude
"Side effects reported have been mild, transient, and have often proved to be statistically insignificant..."
Well, except for the fact that continued use of Quaaludes creates a barbiturate-type dependence. It is highly addictive and frequent users build a tolerance to it, meaning they need to take higher doses to achieve the same effect.

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Marvel Mystery Oil
Wait, is this going to blow up my engine like an atom bomb?
The only true mystery about Marvel Mystery Oil is why so many people are still buying it. Auto manufacturers recommend against using engine oil additives, because they are unnecessary and may void their warranties.
   

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Old Flappy-Pants-Pappy Himself
I'd laugh at Boxer Guy's underwear too, but it looks like Briefs Guy might be more interested in something else.
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Giant Atomic Bomb
In 1961, the Soviet Union detonated the largest atomic bomb ever built. The Tsar Bomba unleashed almost unbelievable energy –in the order of 57 megatons, or 57 million tons of TNT. That is more than 1,500 times greater than the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs combined, and 10 times more powerful than all the munitions expended during World War Two. Sensors registered the bomb’s blast wave orbiting the Earth three times.
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And don't forget to cut the cherries into little hearts!
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BVD - The great American Fit for the Great American Male
Just because he's wearing a cowboy hat in his underwear doesn't mean he's gay!
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Brain Salt
"A POSITIVE RELIEF AND CURE FOR Brain Troubles, Headaches, Sea Sickness, Nervous Debility, Sleeplessness, Excessive Study, Mania, Over Brainwork, etc. etc."
Francis Newbery and Sons, Limited began selling patent medicines in London in 1746.

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Delta - To the guy who's got a girl in every city
The Women's Liberation Movement began in the early 1970s, while Delta Air Lines was still catering to male fantasies.
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NEBS headache relief
"A remarkably fast medical ingredient -- APAP -- makes NEBS chemically ready to work instantly."
APAP is Paracetamol. It was first manufactured in 1877 and is also known as acetaminophen, the main ingredient in Tylenol.

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John Morrell & Co. has been in business since 1827, but their liver loaf, “so vital for sound health, good appetite, and healthy nerves,” did not make it to the 21st century.
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Phillips Petroleum "Pipe of Peace!"
The white man conducted genocide against the Indians in order to take their lands, so it's all the more ironic to invoke the image of an Indian brave when attempting to justify giant oil pipelines that crisscross the great plains -- pipelines that prevent animal migrations and often leak. 
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Schlitz Soft Top Can
In 1933, the American Can Company produced the first workable beer can. The first cans were made out of steel with a tin lining, so that the beer wouldn't take on a metallic taste. The cans were heavy and could only be opened with a "church key."
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George Evans Honey Boy Minstrels
George "Honey Boy" Evans (1870-1915) was a blackface comedian and song composer who authored the popular song "In the Good Old Summer Time" in 1902, and bought the Honey Boy Minstrels for $25,000 in 1910.
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Why be irritated? Light an Old Gold 

From 1945 to 1946, Old Gold ran a humorous ad campaign featuring the slogan, Why be Irritated? Light an Old Gold! The ads depicted an irritating situation of everyday life as a metaphor for throat irritation.

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Lucy and Desi for Philip Morris
"Smoke for pleasure today-- " die from smoking-related disease tomorrow.
Lucy died from an aortic aneurysm, probably caused by a lifetime of smoking, while Desi and Desi Jr both died from lung cancer.

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Create Your Own 7 Foot Tall Walking - Flashing Monster Robot
"Have loads of fun putting it together from cheap scrap items available anywhere" like discarded cardboard boxes.
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You Can Build a Low-Cost Shelter Quickly
 Good thing this is "OCD" (obsessive compulsive disorder) approved!
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How to talk on the telephone
 It's hard now to imagine a time when people had to be taught how to use a telephone. "If someone calls you, let the person who called end the talk. Of course, if someone talks on, and on, and on, you may have to say "I'm sorry, but I have to stop now. Thank you for calling.""