Thursday, March 14, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (24)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Hotel Knickerbocker San Diego

"Knickerbocker" traces its origin to the Dutch settlers who came to what is now New York in the 1600s. It refers to the style of pants the settlers wore...pants that rolled up just below the knee, which became known as "Knickerbockers", or "knickers." Later it became a generic term for people from Manhattan.

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Full Chinese Disguise
 And not racist at all. Oh no!
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S.A.C. Hat

The S.A. C. Hat (Signal Audio Communications) is an  "electronically engineered portable communications center" that is guaranteed to annoy anyone within shouting distance.
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The Path of War

During World War II every American was encouraged to support the war effort. This 1942 ad from Bell Telephone says, "Please don't make Long Distance calls to centers of war activity unless they are VITAL."

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The Chesterfield Glove
If you are carrying a pack of cigarettes in each glove, then maybe you should cut back. Chesterfield was first introduced in 1873 by the Drummond Tobacco Company of St. Louis, Missouri.
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Introducing Atari 800

 "...so it will never become obsolete."
Did the person who wrote that know they were making a joke?


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The Magic Washer - The Chinese Must Go!
Between 1850 and 1930, about one million Asians came to the United States. They were welcomed to work on the transcontinental railroad, but once the work was finished, anti-Asian sentiment developed that culminated in the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 and Gentlemen’s Agreement (with Japan) of 1907, both of which severely limited immigration from Asia. This ad for laundry soap was typical of the racist depictions of Asians at the time.
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Charcoal toothpaste

Charcoal has been used for centuries for its healing and adsorption properties. Romans made the first charcoal toothpaste by combining charcoal powder with crushed bones, oyster shells and bark.
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Morton's -- When it rains, it pours

Morton's trademark catchphrase, "When it rains, it pours" was created to illustrate the point that Morton Salt was free flowing even in rainy weather after the company began adding magnesium carbonate as an absorbing agent to its table salt in 1911 to ensure that it poured freely.
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Chocolate Pickaninnies
The C.M. Pitt & Sons Company invites bakers to start making their own "Pickaninnies" Chocolate Cup Cakes.
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World's Smallest Talking Machine

The "World's Smallest Talking Machine" was a portable record player. The first practical portable music playback device was the Sony Walkman cassette tape player that went on sale in 1979 for $150.

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Mary was so fidgety she couldn't concentrate
 In the 1950s, students who were constantly fidgeting were suffering from "harsh toilet paper."  Now we attribute the fidgeting to ADHD and dose kids with Adderall.
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Jell-O-Salad

What a great innovation! Put everything you don't want into a Jello salad and serve it to your family. Jell...NO!
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Jingle Jokes for Little Folks

Jingle Jokes for Little Folks was first published by Hires Root Beer in 1901.
Hires Root Beer was introduced in 1876, and was the second longest continuously made soft drink in the United States, until it was purchased by Dr Pepper/Snapple. They have been phasing it out in favor of their own root beer brand; A&W.

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The Famous Specific Orange Blossom
"The Famous Specific Orange Blossom, a Positive Cure for All Female Diseases" even claimed to be a safe and sure remedy for ovarian tumors. Beginning in the 1840s, Americans began to initiate malpractice lawsuits against their physicians and surgeons, but J.A. McGill never faced any consequences for the lives lost because of his snake oil.
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Pad 'N Add

'TENDER TIPS' for the girl who can't make it on her own but would like to!
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Kiss Me Necktie
"Men! Boys! Amaze your friends, surprise and thrill the girls! Here’s the most amazing, spectacular necktie you ever wore, smart, wrinkle-proof, tailored, by day a lovely swank tie in special color combinations to look smart with any suit, and at night like a miracle of light it leaps to life with pulsing, glowing question, "Will You Kiss Me in the Dark Baby.""
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Rupp Centaur

During the gas shortages of the 1970s, Rupp Corporation introduced the Centaur, a trike designed to deliver the fun of a motorcycle with the practicality of an economy car. The Centaur was a massive failure and was only produced for two years, but Elvis Presley bought one in 1975 and it is still on display at Graceland.
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Kotex Laundress
Look at the glowering laundress and the apologetic lady of the house! Perhaps she should stop exploiting the servant class by bleeding all over things and then asking them to clean it up. 
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Kreml Hair Tonic
Ads for Kreml hair tonic from 1939 to 1944 featured a selection of four men: the messy, the greasy, the baldy and the perfect!
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The Merits of our Cocaine

The first description of the use of cocaine by humans can be found in the memoirs of the Florentine traveler Amerigo Vespucci (1451-1512). Carl Koller in 1884 empirically demonstrated the benefits of cocaine use in medicine, especially in ophthalmology.
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Mum deodorant
"But will you be showered with attention Sugar?"
Not if your pits reek!

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Dr Coutant Nasal Douche

In 1913, The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) wrote about Dr Coutant and his many quack remedies; "A fakish concern conducted by an individual with an unsavory representation." 
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The Princess Bust Developer

This scary-looking device, resembling a metal sink plunger, along with the "Bust Cream or Food" promised to feed the "starved and underdeveloped tissues" of the late-19th century bust. Who knew breasts needed “feeding?”

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The best things in life come from cellophane

 If your newborn baby arrives wrapped in cellophane, he may need more than a smack on the butt.
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RCA Victor Golden Throat


RCA Victor's Golden Throat was a great advertising gimmick that was based on what was called a 3-way acoustical system, where the amplifier, speaker and cabinet were engineered for the best sound reproduction.
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Transparent Face Mask

 Also good for unassisted suicides!
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 Kiwi Shoe Polish
"You can't blame her, Bud! Your shabby-looking shoes embarrassed her before her friends!" 
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For a fresh start take an Ivory Bath

"Why take it out on Junior?  You're just tired and irritable from doing the day's chores." Relax in the tub and let Junior fend for himself.

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 So you're planning on feeding them paper cups?