Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (20)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Tangee Glowing Lips

Of course he won't kiss you, you have painted glaring lips!
Tangee was a technical marvel. Its tangerine shade (that gave the product its name) actually changed color after it was applied to conform to the complexion of the wearer.


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Kryptonite Rocks

If you're really a Superman fan, why would you want to own a rock that could kill him? Kids who sent in their $2.50 plus $1.00 shipping received one or two green plastic rocks that glowed in the dark.

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Apeco Electro-stat

"Copies Everything Electronically Dry"
so you won't get ink on your ass cheeks.


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The Hooter

"The Hooter" so you can "vacuum" up your cocaine.
The 1970s was a "golden age" for advertising cocaine paraphernalia, but it came to an end in the early 1980s, with increasing restrictions on advertising drug paraphernalia as part of Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign.


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Catch Your Man With Taste Tempting Donuts
"It's leap year girls! Catch your man with taste-tempting donuts."
If you really think marriage is a trap, why bother with a ball and chain? Just put the donuts in a bear trap.


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Does your husband yawn at the table

"The things women have to put up with. Most husbands, nowadays, have stopped beating their wives, but what can be more agonizing to a sensitive soul than a man’s boredom at meals."

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Doan's Kidney Pills

 In 1832 the formulation of Doan’s Pills “was the secret…of an old Quaker lady,” named Aunty Rogers, when she began sharing it with members of her community where it became known as Aunty Rogers' Kidney Cure. Dr. James Doan bought the rights to the patent medicine, and then he improved it, before marketing it throughout the country and the rest of the world.

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 Chlorine Kilacold Bomb

The Kilacold chlorine bomb was a teardrop-shaped glass ampoule containing 0.35g of chlorine gas. The patient had to break the end off to allow the gas to permeate the air of a closed room and, according to the advertising, their cold would disappear within an hour.

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Hypnotize with any TV set


 In the 1960s you had to order a book to find out how to hypnotize via TV. Now all you need to do is turn the channel to Fox News and they'll do the rest.

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Gayetty's Medicated Paper

Joseph C. Gayetty is credited as the inventor of modern commercially available toilet paper. "Gayetty's Medicated Paper" was sold in packages of flat sheets, medicated with aloe and watermarked with his name.

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Trimz DDT wallpaper

“Tested and commended by Parents Magazine,Trimz DDT children’s room wallpaper kills flies, mosquito’s and ants on contact...” Of course the best way to protect your children from insects is to fill their room with a powerful insecticide. Just make sure they don't lick the walls

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Anatomy of a Parking System

Since the introduction of advertising, women have been objectified and used to sell products. This 1970s ad is a particularly crude example of dehumanizing and demeaning a woman by using her as a prop. Unfortunately, this is tame by today's standards, where advertisers often hyper-sexualize females and their body parts.

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Castoria - Don't let daddy lick me again!

Thank heavens for Castoria!, Before this miracle laxative was developed for children, the only solution for constipation was to beat the shit out of your kid with a hairbrush.

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Eastman Kodak COs Brownie Camera

The Brownie camera was invented by Frank A. Brownell in 1900. It was a basic cardboard box camera wrapped in imitation leather, with a simple meniscus lens that took 2 1/4-inch square pictures. One hundred thousand of them were purchased during the first year alone. The Brownie's low price and ease of use helped to make photography available to everyone, and the brownie cameras became the best-selling cameras of all-time.

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Hellmans - Treasure-Basket Salad with REal Mayonnaise

 Tomatoes stuffed with cottage cheese and mayonnaise?

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American Airlines New Coach Lounge

It's hard to believe air travel was ever like this, because flying today is a lot like riding a bus.
 In 1966, American Airlines ordered several Boeing 747 Astroliners; the biggest commercial airplanes at the time. But by the time American received the new aircraft in 1970, the economy was in a recession and there was too much capacity in the industry to justify 303-seat jumbos. So American pulled 50 seats off each 747 and used the free space to create a passenger lounge. They even installed a Wurlitzer piano in each lounge. Unfortunately, ticket sales didn't justify the added expense and the piano-lounge-in-the-sky era ended quickly.


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Old Gold Cigarettes - Something New Has Been Added

Old Gold was introduced in 1926, with the slogan "Not a cough in a carload." In 1941, the slogan was changed to "Something new has been added" a catchphrase created by comedian and cartoon voice actor Jerry Colonna, one of Bob Hope’s radio sidekicks.

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You don't have to be Jewish to love Levy's

Sales of Levy’s rye bread soared in 1961 after Judy Protas, an advertising executive at Doyle Dane Bernbach created this tag line for a Jewish bakery in Brooklyn.

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Sylvania TV HaloLight with Buck Rogers Space Ranger Kit


This is an early 1950s advertisement offering youngsters a Buck Rogers Space Rangers Kit as a premium in conjunction with Sylvania "HaloLight" TV. "HaloLight" was muted fluorescence illumination around the border of the TV screen and was introduced by Sylvania during 1952-1953.
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Women are teachable

In the 1940s, RCA published a guide for how male bosses should treat female employees. Men were told that “women are teachable” and that they should "avoid horseplay or “kidding”; she may resent it."

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The Keeley Cure

The Keeley Institute, known for its Keeley Cure or Gold Cure, was a sanitarium that offered treatment to alcoholics from 1879 to 1965. Dr. Keeley is remembered as the first to treat alcoholism as a medical disease rather than a social vice.

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Dr. Thomas Eclectric Oil

Dr. Thomas' Eclectric Oil (also sold as Excelsior Eclectric Oil) was pain relief remedy and general cure-all created by S. N. Thomas in the 1860s. The name is a portmanteau of Electricity and magnetic, evoking notions of advanced technology which didn't actually exist.

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Oh, what a wonderful day!
 A lovely morning poop and suddenly she is ten pounds lighter!

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Penis Pants from Eldridge de Paris

“Clothing is an extension of the fig leaf — it put our sex inside our bodies,” Cleaver told Newsweek in 1975. “My pants put sex back where it should be.”

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Mexican Tee Nee Original Fiesta Dress

 Buy a Mexican dress complete with straw sombrero "imported" from Michigan.

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How You Were Born Record

Thank God there is this record to free me from my parental responsibility to explain where babies come from

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Cooper's New Discovery

L.T. Cooper sold patent medicines at rural medicine shows beginning in 1904. Cooper's New Discovery contained 17% alcohol and was sold as a tonic and system purifier, as well as a "worm and germ expeller." Patent medicines containing lots of alcohol were popular in "dry counties" of the South where liquor was outlawed. Cooper was arrested for fraud in 1914. 

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Atom Chef

"Atom Chef uses a hot atomic reactor core to magically surround your food with thousand of excited, flavor-packed neutrons and delicious, wholesome protons..." 

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The Deadly Secrets of Killer Kung Fu
 "Terrifying, Deadly, Destructive, Amazing -- THE CLAWS OF TERROR.
FREE Oriental Devil Fighting Society Certificate of Membership (suitable for framing) as an added bonus for ordering early."


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Pez Shooter

 So you put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger to get a candy treat. What could go wrong!
The Candy Shooter Gun was first released in 1965.


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Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (19)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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Bosworth Bags & Twines 

 "Grain Sacker" is still listed as a potential career opportunity on web sites like Careers.org and MyMajors.com with a median annual wage of nearly $25K.
 
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Bathasweet Beauty-Bath Ritual

"You'll love the relaxing enjoyment of this Bathasweet Ritual, as well as it's night-long glamorous effect. In the morning, the same ritual for day-long loveliness."
Soak in the tub twice a day and you'll soon develop a yeast infection. 

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Spotted Dick Pudding
 Spotted dick is a British pudding, made with suet (the raw, hard fat of beef or mutton found around the loins and kidney) and dried fruit (usually currants and/or raisins) and often served with custard.
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She'll want to thank you three times a day

She cooked the meals, raised the children, and pampered her man on the couch...all while looking great in her dress and pearls, without a hair out of place. Maybe those really were the good old days? -- at least for him.
 
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Geraldine Taco's Titty City

Take your male friend to Geraldine Taco's Titty City! But be careful; you might knock his eye out!

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Try Murine for Your Eyes
Drs. James and George McFatrich founded the Murine Eye Remedy Company in 1897 in order to sell their patent eye rinse. Eventually the business expanded to salves, tonics, baths, powders and pills to help cure various eye ailments.

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Do you know how to kiss a girl?
The act of kissing seems to have changed a lot since 1911. Telling a girl that "her rosebud lips remind you of cupid's bow" might get you some weird looks nowadays. And according to the instructions, safe kissing at the dawn of the 20th Century required an "antiseptic gum."

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Bell Telephone - 3 Phones

Before cell phones, people often had multiple telephones in their home. And prior to 1983, you weren't allowed to hook up any equipment to your home telephone line unless it was rented from Bell Telephone. In the US, Bell had a government-sanctioned monopoly on telephone service and telephone equipment for over 100 years.

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Jail Jamas - The Daring Gift for Married Folks

Jail Jamas - The Daring Gift for Married Folks! Daring and sexist. She gets number 2795 and a half!
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Mosely Folding Bath Tub

The Mosely Folding Bath Company advertised this folding bath in the 1895 Montgomery Ward Catalog. This tub, disguised as a mirrored wardrobe, folded down and out of its wood casing into the room, revealing the water heater above. Since most folks still didn't have indoor plumbing, bathing required filling tubs with water, bucket by bucket.

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Mark's Artificial Legs

Railroad work was so dangerous in the late 18th and early 20th Century that an entire medical specialty developed to deal with it. Companies hired “railway surgeons” to staff private hospital and health care systems. An on-call doctor could rush to the scene of an accident, or be ready to receive a bleeding, injured worker sent to them by train. They were pioneers in emergency medicine and specialized in amputations and prosthetics. 

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Hasheesh Candy

Shortly after the book "The Hasheesh Eater" was published in 1857, “Hasheesh Candy” was developed and promoted as a cure-all. Suppliers could hardly contain their enthusiasm when composing their ads, because unlike many "cure-alls" of the time, cannabis products in moderate doses did provide some temporary relief.

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Ronson Hood 'N' Comb Hair Dryer

Is she trying to make out with it? Maybe this thing does more than just dry hair.

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Dr. Pierce's Anuric Tablets
Dr Ray Vaughn Pierce was a quack whose laboratory in  Buffalo, NY, produced millions of dollars worth of patent remedies. Dr Pierce was elected to the U.S. Congress in 1878 and served one term. After his death in 1914 his son, Dr Valentine Mott Pierce, continued the business and Pierce products were still available as late as the 1970s.

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Open Trap Make Happy Jap

Racist depictions of Japanese and other Asian immigrants were common well before World War II, but with the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941,  the U.S. government mass-produced propaganda posters showing racist stereotypes of a subhuman Japanese enemy.

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Boston Garter
George Frost began manufacturing and selling Boston Garters in 1879. In 1912, Boston Garter included one baseball card per box of twelve Boston Garters and those cards are now highly prized by collectors.

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Slick Black
Many early cosmetic products for women of color held up the ‘white beauty’ ethos, and so were marketed to women who desired to reduce their ethnic appearance with hair straightening serums and face bleaches.
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Dr. Miles' Anti-Pain Pills

Dr. Miles Medical Company was founded in Elkhart, Indiana, in 1884 by Dr. Franklin Lawrence Miles, to manufacture patent medicines. The company was acquired by Bayer AG in 1979.

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Mornidine - Now she can cook breakfast again

 It's obvious that men developed this drug for morning sickness, since their sole concern appears to be making sure their pregnant wives can still make breakfast.

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Vigorous Manhood - Two Health Belt Men 
 In spite of their limited medicinal value, tens of thousands of electric belts were sold between their introduction in the 1890s and their demise in the 1920s.
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I Passed for White - Movie Title

The tragic mulatto is a stereotypical fictional character that first appeared in American literature in the 19th century, and in movies during the 20th century, who either intentionally or unintentionally passes for White until they discover they have Negro blood or are discovered by another character to be Black.

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Fizzies
Fizzies were Alka-Seltzer-style colored tablets, wrapped in aluminum foil, that fizzed after being put into a glass of water. In 1957, Ruth Millard invented the product for the Emerson Drug Company, by adding fruit flavors to Bromo-Seltzer. 

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Raquel Welch Pillow

 "What man wouldn't enjoy spending a night with Raquel Welch?" Well, forget that, but you can buy this "rugged vinyl" pillow to serve as your "headrest."

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Willie Vocalite

"Willie Vocalite" was conceived and designed by Joseph Barnett, member of the Westinghouse Engineering Department to promote and sell Westinghouse appliances. During the 1930s, inventors made robots smoke so they would seem more "human."Willie performed in all fifty states and was also a star attraction at events like the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair and the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition. Willie’s star faded in 1939 when Westinghouse debuted Elektro, a more advanced model paired with a robot dog named Sparko. 

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Bon Ami - A Nurse meets all sorts of Bathtubs
 In the 1920s and 1930s, nurses were often used to promote products related to health and cleanliness. But since when do nurses clean bathtubs? Even in 1937, when this ad first appeared in the Saturday Evening Post, private nurses weren't cleaning bathtubs. 

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DDT is good for me!

 From the end of World War II up through the 1960s, DDT was heavily marketed as a powerful insecticide for both agricultural and home use. It was later discovered that DDT, when used as a crop pesticide, accumulates in the environment and causes devastating effects on wildlife. It was banned by the U.S. government in 1972.

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Food Rationing

 With the onset of World War II, numerous challenges confronted the American people. The government found it necessary to ration food, gas, and even clothing during that time.

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Barbie

American businesswoman Ruth Handler created Barbie in March 1959, using a German doll called Bild Lilli as her inspiration.

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 Bill The Hatter -- Herringbone and Vinyl Suit

 "A suit for the man about town. Styled in luxurious herringbone cloth and topped off with a leather like vinyl."
Bill the Hatter was founded on the south side of Chicago in 1949, and is still in business.


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Never Drink Before Five? 

It must be 5 o'clock somewhere!
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