Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (19)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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Bosworth Bags & Twines 

 "Grain Sacker" is still listed as a potential career opportunity on web sites like Careers.org and MyMajors.com with a median annual wage of nearly $25K.
 
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Bathasweet Beauty-Bath Ritual

"You'll love the relaxing enjoyment of this Bathasweet Ritual, as well as it's night-long glamorous effect. In the morning, the same ritual for day-long loveliness."
Soak in the tub twice a day and you'll soon develop a yeast infection. 

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Spotted Dick Pudding
 Spotted dick is a British pudding, made with suet (the raw, hard fat of beef or mutton found around the loins and kidney) and dried fruit (usually currants and/or raisins) and often served with custard.
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She'll want to thank you three times a day

She cooked the meals, raised the children, and pampered her man on the couch...all while looking great in her dress and pearls, without a hair out of place. Maybe those really were the good old days? -- at least for him.
 
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Geraldine Taco's Titty City

Take your male friend to Geraldine Taco's Titty City! But be careful; you might knock his eye out!

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Try Murine for Your Eyes
Drs. James and George McFatrich founded the Murine Eye Remedy Company in 1897 in order to sell their patent eye rinse. Eventually the business expanded to salves, tonics, baths, powders and pills to help cure various eye ailments.

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Do you know how to kiss a girl?
The act of kissing seems to have changed a lot since 1911. Telling a girl that "her rosebud lips remind you of cupid's bow" might get you some weird looks nowadays. And according to the instructions, safe kissing at the dawn of the 20th Century required an "antiseptic gum."

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Bell Telephone - 3 Phones

Before cell phones, people often had multiple telephones in their home. And prior to 1983, you weren't allowed to hook up any equipment to your home telephone line unless it was rented from Bell Telephone. In the US, Bell had a government-sanctioned monopoly on telephone service and telephone equipment for over 100 years.

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Jail Jamas - The Daring Gift for Married Folks

Jail Jamas - The Daring Gift for Married Folks! Daring and sexist. She gets number 2795 and a half!
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Mosely Folding Bath Tub

The Mosely Folding Bath Company advertised this folding bath in the 1895 Montgomery Ward Catalog. This tub, disguised as a mirrored wardrobe, folded down and out of its wood casing into the room, revealing the water heater above. Since most folks still didn't have indoor plumbing, bathing required filling tubs with water, bucket by bucket.

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Mark's Artificial Legs

Railroad work was so dangerous in the late 18th and early 20th Century that an entire medical specialty developed to deal with it. Companies hired “railway surgeons” to staff private hospital and health care systems. An on-call doctor could rush to the scene of an accident, or be ready to receive a bleeding, injured worker sent to them by train. They were pioneers in emergency medicine and specialized in amputations and prosthetics. 

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Hasheesh Candy

Shortly after the book "The Hasheesh Eater" was published in 1857, “Hasheesh Candy” was developed and promoted as a cure-all. Suppliers could hardly contain their enthusiasm when composing their ads, because unlike many "cure-alls" of the time, cannabis products in moderate doses did provide some temporary relief.

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Ronson Hood 'N' Comb Hair Dryer

Is she trying to make out with it? Maybe this thing does more than just dry hair.

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Dr. Pierce's Anuric Tablets
Dr Ray Vaughn Pierce was a quack whose laboratory in  Buffalo, NY, produced millions of dollars worth of patent remedies. Dr Pierce was elected to the U.S. Congress in 1878 and served one term. After his death in 1914 his son, Dr Valentine Mott Pierce, continued the business and Pierce products were still available as late as the 1970s.

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Open Trap Make Happy Jap

Racist depictions of Japanese and other Asian immigrants were common well before World War II, but with the bombing of Pearl Harbor in 1941,  the U.S. government mass-produced propaganda posters showing racist stereotypes of a subhuman Japanese enemy.

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Boston Garter
George Frost began manufacturing and selling Boston Garters in 1879. In 1912, Boston Garter included one baseball card per box of twelve Boston Garters and those cards are now highly prized by collectors.

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Slick Black
Many early cosmetic products for women of color held up the ‘white beauty’ ethos, and so were marketed to women who desired to reduce their ethnic appearance with hair straightening serums and face bleaches.
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Dr. Miles' Anti-Pain Pills

Dr. Miles Medical Company was founded in Elkhart, Indiana, in 1884 by Dr. Franklin Lawrence Miles, to manufacture patent medicines. The company was acquired by Bayer AG in 1979.

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Mornidine - Now she can cook breakfast again

 It's obvious that men developed this drug for morning sickness, since their sole concern appears to be making sure their pregnant wives can still make breakfast.

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Vigorous Manhood - Two Health Belt Men 
 In spite of their limited medicinal value, tens of thousands of electric belts were sold between their introduction in the 1890s and their demise in the 1920s.
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I Passed for White - Movie Title

The tragic mulatto is a stereotypical fictional character that first appeared in American literature in the 19th century, and in movies during the 20th century, who either intentionally or unintentionally passes for White until they discover they have Negro blood or are discovered by another character to be Black.

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Fizzies
Fizzies were Alka-Seltzer-style colored tablets, wrapped in aluminum foil, that fizzed after being put into a glass of water. In 1957, Ruth Millard invented the product for the Emerson Drug Company, by adding fruit flavors to Bromo-Seltzer. 

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Raquel Welch Pillow

 "What man wouldn't enjoy spending a night with Raquel Welch?" Well, forget that, but you can buy this "rugged vinyl" pillow to serve as your "headrest."

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Willie Vocalite

"Willie Vocalite" was conceived and designed by Joseph Barnett, member of the Westinghouse Engineering Department to promote and sell Westinghouse appliances. During the 1930s, inventors made robots smoke so they would seem more "human."Willie performed in all fifty states and was also a star attraction at events like the 1933 Chicago World’s Fair and the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition. Willie’s star faded in 1939 when Westinghouse debuted Elektro, a more advanced model paired with a robot dog named Sparko. 

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Bon Ami - A Nurse meets all sorts of Bathtubs
 In the 1920s and 1930s, nurses were often used to promote products related to health and cleanliness. But since when do nurses clean bathtubs? Even in 1937, when this ad first appeared in the Saturday Evening Post, private nurses weren't cleaning bathtubs. 

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DDT is good for me!

 From the end of World War II up through the 1960s, DDT was heavily marketed as a powerful insecticide for both agricultural and home use. It was later discovered that DDT, when used as a crop pesticide, accumulates in the environment and causes devastating effects on wildlife. It was banned by the U.S. government in 1972.

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Food Rationing

 With the onset of World War II, numerous challenges confronted the American people. The government found it necessary to ration food, gas, and even clothing during that time.

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Barbie

American businesswoman Ruth Handler created Barbie in March 1959, using a German doll called Bild Lilli as her inspiration.

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 Bill The Hatter -- Herringbone and Vinyl Suit

 "A suit for the man about town. Styled in luxurious herringbone cloth and topped off with a leather like vinyl."
Bill the Hatter was founded on the south side of Chicago in 1949, and is still in business.


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Never Drink Before Five? 

It must be 5 o'clock somewhere!
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Monday, September 10, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (18)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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asbestos snow 

In the early half of the 20th Century, asbestos was widely used as Christmas decor because of its white, fluffy appearance — but that was before it was recognized as a major risk factor for an aggressive form of cancer known as mesothelioma.
There is a scene in the 1939 classic, “The Wizard of Oz”  where asbestos snow falls on Dorothy and her friends, awakening them from a spell cast by the Wicked Witch of the West.

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Win this Full-Size Gemini Spacecraft!

In 1967, Revell gave away a full size model of a Gemini capsule. A 13 year old Boy Scout named Robbie Alan Hanshew from Portland, OR won the grand prize and donated it to OMSI, Oregon Museum of Science Industry where it still sits today.

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 A common method used by the tobacco industry to reassure a worried public about the dangers of smoking was to incorporate images of physicians in their ads. Certainly if a doctor, with all of his knowledge, chose to smoke a particular brand, then it must be safe.

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Interchemical Corporation - Slavery!

White Slavery - having to do wash the "old fashioned" way.
Black Slavery - actual slavery.


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Rectal Dilators - F.E. Young & Co.

"May be used by any intelligent person."

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Standard Distributing Company - Our Agents Ride in Carriages

In 1899, this manufacturer of household goods promised salesmen a vehicle and at least $90 per month in commissions for going door-to-door and showing their "handsome large plate book accurately illustrating the goods."

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Sugar can be the willpower you need to undereat.

Just have an ice cream before each meal – that’s sure to reduce your appetite! The sugar industry launched an aggressive advertising campaign in the 1970s to convince Americans that sugar actually helps you lose weight by suppressing the appetite.

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US War Bonds - How much do you really want him back?

"Just how much do you miss your soldier -- far across the ocean? Do you miss him so much that you'll pass up that jeweled bracelet you've set your heart on?"
Emotional blackmail has always been a good way to raise money.
 
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La-Mar Reducing Soap

  "No dieting or exercising. Be as slim as you wish. Acts like magic in reducing double chin, abdomen, ungainly ankle, unbecoming wrists, arms and shoulders, large busts, or any superfluous fat on body."
La-Mar reducing soap claimed it could spot-reduce flab from any part of the body without affecting other areas.


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Dr Pierce's Family Medicines

Dr. Ray Vaughn Pierce (1840-1941) was a quack whose laboratory in Buffalo, New York, produced millions of dollars worth of patent remedies. Dr. Pierce was elected to the U.S. Congress in 1878 and served one term. After his death in 1914 his son, Dr. Valentine Mott Pierce, continued the business and Pierce products were still available for sale as late as the 1970s.
 
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Every Voyage a Gay Cruise

Who wouldn't want to go on a gay cruise with their wife, and what the hell is that guy doing with those hand puppets?

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Mrs Margaret Anderson the noble woman who is hated by the whiskey trust

 Mrs Anderson knows how to cure drinking with a simple home remedy. She doesn't want any money from you, even though she spent quite a bit of money on this ad. She could have included instructions for the remedy in her ad, but instead she wants you to write to her and ask for it.
Yeah, that seems legit.


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Saturday Evening Post - Would you panic if a Negro moved next door?

 A blockbuster was a white real estate investor who used racial scare tactics to frighten whites in all-white neighborhoods into selling their properties well below their market value.

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Midol - No Apologies Accepted

 "Time of Month? NONSENSE! Stop by the drug store for some MIDOL and snap out of it!"

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Be Nice to Your Nose! -- Screenz

The 1970s saw a clash between more permissive attitudes towards illegal drug use and the "War on Drugs" begun by President Nixon in 1971. The days when companies could advertise drug paraphernalia in magazines were quickly coming to an end.

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Indiana State Board of Health - I am Death

How does one "neglect" their bowels? A warning from the Indiana Department of Health in 1912. 

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Gee Bill! How come your mom lets you eat two wieners?

"Skinless" hot dogs use a thin cellulose casing in the cooking process, and then the casing is removed before packaging. This process was invented in Chicago in 1925.
The term dog has been used as a synonym for sausage since the 1800s. It originated with suspicions that some German sausage makers were using dog meat, because consumption of dog meat was common in Germany.


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Washburn - Crosby Co - Gold Medal Flour

The Minneapolis Milling Company was incorporated in 1856. Cadwallader C. Washburn acquired the company shortly after its founding and in 1877, the mill entered a partnership with John Crosby to form the Washburn-Crosby Company. General Mills was created in June 1928 when Washburn-Crosby President James Ford Bell merged Washburn-Crosby and 28 other mills.

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Kansas State Board of Health - Baby will be unhappy and cross

1920s advice by the Kansas State Board of Health for bringing up your own little bundle of joy.... we wouldn't want Baby to be unhappy and cross!

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Moerlein's -- Good for Little Tots
Moerlein's Beer is "Good for Little Tots." It is honest, pure, healthful and invigorating, and it would be downright immoral for parents to withhold good beer from their children.

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Borden's Eagle Brand Condensed Milk

Borden's was founded by Gail Borden, Jr., in 1857 in Connecticut as "Gail Borden, Jr., and Company." Its primary product was condensed milk. The company was very successful and went on a buying spree in the 1930s. acquiring numerous dairies, ice cream manufacturers, cheese producers, and mincemeat processors. And in the 1950s Borden moved into the printing ink, fertilizer, and polyvinyl chloride (PVC) plastics business. Borden suffered significant losses for the period 1991-1993 and began selling off all of its properties to try and stay afloat. In 2005, the last vestiges of Borden, Inc., ceased to exist except as spin-offs and brand names licensed to others.

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Amolin - Society simply won't satand for Indelicate Women

"This Personal Deodorant has many uses."
Though it's not mentioned at all in this ad so as not to offend delicate sensibilities, cans of Amolin powder came wrapped with a paper band that said, "For Use on Sanitary Pads."


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Johnny Astro - A Unique Space Age Toy

Just before the United States put a man on the moon, the media hype around it created a vast market for toys like Johnny Astro.  Appearing to defy the laws of physics, this toy could fly a space vehicle in mid air. Of course it was just a balloon, but it said "Moon Probe" and it carried a tiny astronaut in a tiny space capsule.

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Mark Eden - The World's Greatest Bust Developer

"Was flat-chested. Then I gained 6 full firm inches on Mark Eden's Wonder Program. My bust went from 33 to 39."
The U.S. Postal Service shut Mark Eden down with a fraud order in 1966, but the Mark Eden corporation brought suit against the Postal Service, and won an injunction against the Postmaster. After a long legal battle, the
Postal Service prevailed and in 1982, the Mark Eden bust developer was withdrawn from the market.

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No, Nellie Didn't Slap Us!

"No, Nellie Didn't Slap Us!" She only told us off for having "rawhide jowls and chin."
OK, but why is Nellie going around feeling every guy's face?


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Now - Own a real Mystery-Man Mask

 "At last, you can have your very own Hollywood Mystery-Man type Mask...Make a movie, with yourself starring as the Mysterious Avenger"
Also good for committing armed robbery!


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"Are your panties up to date?"

Sporty enough to share, eh?
And since when is a day of the week a "date"?


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Phototake Camera

In 1888, Wrigley's Chewing Gum offered a Phototake Camera with the purchase of eight boxes or 100 five cent packages of gum and $5.50. The offer claimed that instead of "kinky films" the Phototake Camera uses regular glass plates which "makes the the developing and finishing of pictures easy."  

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More Doctors Smoke Camels than any other cigarette

RJ Reynolds in 1946, began a major ad campaign showing actors posing as doctors and lighting up with the famous tagline, "More doctors smoke Camels than any other cigarette." These ads received very little criticism from the medical community because they thought the images showed doctors in a highly favorable light.

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Pruvian Wine of Coca

There is no such thing as "wine of coca" but there once was coca wine. Mixing alcohol and cocaine together produces a chemical called cocoaethylene. Its effects last three times longer in your body than cocaine does on its own.

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