Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (40)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Scotch Tape - Trims fringes
Ah, the memories you'll make while using a large pair of sharp scissors only an inch or two away from your child's eyes and yelling, "HOLD STILL!"
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RCA Vanishing Microphone
RCA's Vanishing Microphone didn't actually vanish. It was just smaller and thinner than the microphones that came before.

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Marx Atomic -- Cape Canaveral Missle Range record
This recording of "actual sounds of air force missile launchings and count downs" was produced in 1965 by Louis Marx & Co and was intended to accompany play with their Cape Canaveral Playset.
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Smoke St Julien Tobacco
Tobacco so "Cool and Fragrant" you'll nod off while your grandson carves notches in your peg leg.
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Lava - Get hands like this, as clean as this

"Gentle Enough - Even for Girl Workers"
Lava soap was developed by the William Waltke Company of St. Louis in 1893.

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Make your Christmas gift a Tomahawk
In the summer of 1935, Standard Products of Clinton MA began selling a tool belt for Boy Scouts that included an ax, a hunting knife, a compass and a book of matches.
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Are you -- TOO FAT
"Why not reduce your weight and be comfortable?"
The advertising for weight loss products has never been subtle.

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Kenner Close 'n Play Phonograph
The Kenner Close 'n Play was invented in 1966. It ran on batteries and played 45 RPM records using a steel needle that actually dug grooves into any record kids were foolish enough to play on it.
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Ryan Jet + Propeller
The Ryan FR Fireball was a piston and jet-powered fighter aircraft designed during WW2 for carrier operations, but proved too flimsy for carrier take-offs and was discontinued in 1947.
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Power & Stewart -- But you shant
Showing the "Board of Education" being used on a young smoker, doesn't seem like the best way to advertise tobacco.
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Fly TWA
TWA began in 1930 with the merger of two small airlines. Howard Hughes bought controlling interest in 1939 and greatly expanded the company while developing its  reputation as the glamor airline. Carl Icahn, the infamous corporate raider took over TWA in 1985 and systematically stripped it of assets until the company went bankrupt in 1995.
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Spacemaster Mobile Home
Looks like the 'soaring skylight ceiling' in this 1960s Spacemaster mobile home only soared about six inches.
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Sixfinger - The Most Amazing Toy Ever
Ignore the phallic symbolism and sing the 1960s commercial jingle -
“Sixfinger, Sixfinger, Man Alive! How Did I Ever Get along with Five?”

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Surgeon Sage Says
A U.S. military WWI poster promoting abstinence.
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Col S Taylor Suit Whiskey Certification
In 1875, a small distiller in Suitland, Maryland managed to get his whiskey certified "For Medicinal Purposes" by the Board of Health in Washington, DC.
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Tucker 48
The Tucker 48 had many innovative design features, but only 50 were produced before the company went bankrupt -- with a little help from Detroit's "Big Three" automakers.
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Telefunken
If your stereo equipment takes up more space than your bed, maybe you need to get out more.
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Scootacar
The Scootacar was produced in Britain from 1957 to 1964. It could carry two people but if you want to drive the Scootacar alone, you'd have to straddle the engine in order to keep the car balanced on its single rear wheel.
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Seven-Up Floats
This 1960s ad says to make an ice cream float put the ice cream in first and then the Seven-Up. That's backwards and will cause the soda to foam up and overflow the glass.
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Vote No on Women's Suffrage

The 19th Amendment granting women the right to vote became part of the U.S. Constitution on August 26, 1920, some 50 years after black men gained the right to vote. Part of the opposition to woman's suffrage was from racists who feared that giving black women the right to vote would threaten Jim Crow laws in the South that kept blacks subjugated.
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RCA In-Car Speaker
The first in-car speaker for drive-ins was produced in 1940. The first broken car window from not returning the speaker to the holder happened shortly after.
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Kissing Spreads Disease
BACK OFF MOMMA
This 1940s poster from Newark, N.J., Dept of Health was produced before antibiotics were widely used in the US.
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United States Tires - Irresitible Grip of the Nobby
"United States Tires Are Good Tires"
We admit they are only good and not great.

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Astronaut Space Suit
There is a huge difference between an "Astronaut Space Suit" and a "high-altitude flying suit"  with "8 zippers" and "two inside pockets" but why be picky.
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Pullman - Soldier's Shoes
Take a Pullman car and our black porter will be happy to shine your boots.
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Englander Mattress -- Better Sleep Makes Better Husbands
In the 1940s Englander Mattress boosted sales by convincing women that their husband would be much nicer to them if they could only get a good night's sleep.
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Pall Mall Christmas
"This Christmas - Don't miss the fun of Smoking" plus cancer, heart disease and emphysema.
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Edison Records
In 1896, Thomas Edison started the National Phonograph Company to manufacture phonographs and wax cylinders (records) for home entertainment.
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Children Like Sanitol
"Children Like Sanitol" That's a scary-looking kid.
In the 1910s, Sanitol made St Louis the greatest tooth powder manufacturing center in the world.

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Boston Electric Belt
This electric belt generated current from zinc discs coming in contact with the wearer's sweat. The current went to the loop which was placed around the genitals to restore sexual function. Tens of thousands of electric belts were sold in the United States between the 1890s and the 1920s.

Monday, June 22, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (39)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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Sputum Cup
One should always try to be discreet when disposing of Sputum.

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Palmolive -- Madge
Madge the manicurist ("You're soaking in it") insulted her customers' hands in print and on television for 27 years.

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Sears Motor Buggy
The Sears Motor Buggy debuted 1908, the same year as the Ford Model T. But while Ford revolutionized auto assembly and brought down his costs with the assembly line, Sears was building their buggys one at a time and selling them for less than they cost to build. Sears ended production in 1912.

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Pyrex - A wonderful gift
"...every Pyrex prepared meal a good looking, good tasting treat"
Good looking? Maybe, but it won't make your crappy meals taste better.
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Play a Saw
"No notes to read. No dreary practice."
The International Musical Saw Association (IMSA) produces an annual International Musical Saw Festival (including a "Saw-Off" competition) every August in Santa Cruz and Felton, California.

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Miller Tires
Our tires are made with pure rubber and cotton fabric collected by happy natives.
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Uterine Supporter
When surgery was not an option for uterine prolapse, this device was employed to hold the uterus in place.
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Reliance Universal Pajamas
"Styled for Sleep" or for discussing flight schedules with your "daddy."
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Radio Magnavox
Before there were loudspeakers, people could only listen to radio with headsets. In 1923, Magnavox developed a power amplifier and speaker that turned radio into an entertainment center for the whole family.
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Kelloggs All-Bran - One Date Girl

Are you a one-date girl? Have you considered upping your fibre intake? Regular loving requires a lover who is regular.
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Wheat and Rice Sparkies
"Vitamin rain" was a clever way to describe the
vitamin solution the cereal was sprinkled with as it traveled down the conveyor belt.
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Rocket Shoes
These "Rocket Shoes" will rocket you into a face plant!
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Mighty Tiny Record Player
In 1970, Ohio Art invented a toy phonograph and promoted it as the "World's Smallest Record Player." It also had the world's worst sound.

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Schlitz - That man - he's done it again
"That man -- he's done it again"
He needs a beer fridge

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Marvel Whirling Spray Syringe
The Marvel Whirling Spray Syringe (aka douche) was first produced in the 1890s. Not only would it rinse your vagina but it could also suck the rinse water out.

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Atomic Chief - John Henry Products
This "Atomic Chief" outfit was produced by John Henry Products in 1947.
The "Two-way Mike" was the equivalent of two tin cans tied together with a string.
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Survival -- How to protect yourself in event of attack
If you are this close to a nuclear attack, you won't need to worry about survival.

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The Magic Washer
"We have no use for them since we got this wonderful washer."
This racist 1886 advertisement for a laundry detergent called the Magic Washer references the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act.

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Lancer Fallout Shelter
"Including sanitary equipment" -- a bucket.

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Mr Merry's Play Lighter
In 2007, researchers at the University of Rochester found that those who consumed candy cigarettes as kids were roughly twice as likely as those who hadn’t to report that they later became smokers.

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Hellmann's Party Potato Salad
Hey everybody! Who wants some potato salad cake?

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Jeneen douche
"When you use a douche, you find its scent all around you...on your body...in the air." Douching was used as a contraceptive until birth control pills were legalized, and manufacturers had to find other ways to promote their products.

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Motorola - Pocketful of power
If you are calling that a pocket radio, customers are gonna need much bigger pockets.
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Robert Bruce - Cotton where it counts
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a fashion model."
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Sugar helps dieters
Throughout the 1950's and 1960’s, the trade group Sugar Information Inc. ran ads to convince people that sugar was actually healthy. In 1971, the Federal Trade Commission put a stop to the ads.
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Amplion - The world's standard loud speaker
Early radios only had headphones before speakers were invented. And before power amplifiers were invented, the next innovation was these large horns that amplified the sound acoustically.
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Radiation Need Not Be Feared
This poster was produced for nuclear workers at Oak Ridge National Laboratory in 1947.
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I'm Proud My Husband Wants Me to do My Part

During WW2, women were encouraged to enter the work force, and as soon as the war was over they were told to give up their jobs for returning servicemen. The woman in this poster looks like a wax figure and she is holding some invisible item in her hands.
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How to use the atomic bomb in your business
You could blow up your boss, but nuclear warfare is usually not good for business.
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Sun-Tan Pills
"Get a Real Tan -- Not a Fake Orange Tan"...like the orangutan-colored Donald Trump!