Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (22)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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chi-ches-ters

The original formula for Chi-ches-ters included pennyroyal, an abortifacient to treat “Amenorrhea” (absence of menstruation) by inducing an abortion.

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Body Braces
Most early treatments for back pain and spinal deformities involved racks and braces that would probably not look out of place today in a torture chamber or the dingy dungeons of avid BDSM fanatics.
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 The Isolator Helmet

 The Isolator was invented in 1925 by Hugo Gernsback, editor of Science and Invention magazine to help increase focus and concentration.
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Witness the Power of the Atomic Bomb
 From 1951 to 1963, the US tested nuclear weapons above ground in Nevada, and Las Vegas capitalized on the atomic spectacle. The Chamber of Commerce printed up calendars advertising detonation times and even organized bus tours. As a result, thousands of Americans were exposed to radiation and fallout.
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 You're eating a pony
"It may be a surprise to little Jennifer here but it isn't news to choosy Moms..."
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Bonomo Ritual
Joseph Bonomo (1901 – 1978) was a famous American weight lifter, strongman, film stunt performer and actor.  Starting in the 1940s, Bonomo published a series of "mini" self-help booklets -- muscle, bustline and personality manuals, how to make more money, how to look lovelier after 40, how to use makeup, look taller, dance better, be a better hostess, find the man of your dreams, and simplify housework.
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Eleganza
 "The King Collar!"
They wanted to call it the "Pimp Collar" but couldn't get that past the censors.
"...made of luxury fabric blended of 94% acetate, 6% nylon, with the look and feel of silk jersey"
So, it looks like silk, but it ISN'T.
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 Frigidaire
 Frigidaire was founded as the Guardian Frigerator Company in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and developed the first self-contained refrigerator (invented by Nathaniel B. Wales and Alfred Mellowes) in 1916.
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A cigar brings out the caveman in you
"A cigar brings out the caveman in you"
And by "caveman" we mean you'll be dressed in a business suit and holding a club while women dressed in animal prints sit at your feet.
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Beauti-Breast

The Beauti-Breast promises its results via a  contraption called the “Hydrotherapy Cup”. You stick it on during a bath, and it sprays your boobs with water magically making them grow. There’s also some miracle creme to prevent stretch marks…. a vital component when you can gain 1 1/2 inches in 15 minutes.

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Learn Oriental Love-ways
"Become the sexpert you always wanted to be!"
A quick Google search shows that Sho’shdai, or Shoshidai is a governmental office or position. Oooh, baby.
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Blinders ... because she Shies At New Ideas
The latest in Conservative political headgear
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Sleepless Baby? Use Laudanum

Advertisement in the Sears Roebuck Catalogue for laudanum.  Opium’s toxicity for infants was common knowledge since antiquity, and yet in the late 19th Century it was still in widespread use. 

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G-Boy Repeating Cap Pistol 

"It's a real thriller. Yes! Looks and feels like the Automatic "45's" carried by our Army Officer . . . It's made of strong lightweight aluminum . . . with a plastic "Pearl" handle. It's easy to reload. Any boy would gladly give his entire allowance for one of these."
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Sandersons Iron Age Tonic
Tonics were promoted as a way to improve one's overall condition in the event of illness or fatigue. The Sanderson family operated a drug store and a patent medicine business in Richmond Hill, Ontario from 1869 to 1918.
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International Correspondence Schools

ICS was founded in 1889 in Scranton, Pennsylvania by a journalist and editor of the Mining Herald, Thomas J. Foster. He built the nation's largest correspondence school by discovering an untapped market; blue-collar workers eager to improve their lives.
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Radium Appliance Company
The widespread use of radium in medicine ended when it was discovered that physical tolerance was lower than expected and exposure caused long term cell damage that could appear as carcinoma up to 40 years after treatment.
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 Milk for Summer Thirst -- WPA

  A poster for the Cleveland Division of Health promoting milk as a summer thirst quencher. The poster was illustrated by the WPA Federal Art Project in Ohio in 1940.

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Hambone Sweets

Hambone was the nickname of Tom Hunley, a folk-wisdom spouting ex-slave who lived in Greenwood Mississippi. A young Memphis editorial cartoonist, James Pinckney “J.P.” Alley turned the old man’s pithy observations on life into a syndicated column called “Hambone’s Meditations” which debuted in 1916.

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Ideal's New Betsy Wetsy

 Betsy Wetsy was a "drink-and-wet" doll introduced by the Ideal Toy Company of New York in 1934. Later, it was one of the most popular dolls of its kind in the Post–World War II baby boom era. Betsy Wetsy was also one of the first major dolls to be produced in an African American version.

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Messerschmitt KR200

After World War Two, the German aircraft company Messerschmitt was banned from producing planes as part of the denazification process, so they began producing prefab houses. In 1955, they began production of the Messerschmitt KR200, or Kabinenroller (Cabin Scooter), a three-wheeled bubble car manufactured until 1964.

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Allied Radio was established in 1928 as an electronic parts distributor. By 1948 they were offering the latest in televisions, portable phonographs and Hi-Fi equipment. In 1970, they were purchased by Tandy Corporation, Radio Shack’s parent company. Radio Shack declared bankruptcy in 2015 and again in 2017.

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Monopoly -- Parker Brothers
Elizabeth Magie invented the game that eventually became Monopoly in 1903 as a protest against the inequalities of the Gilded Age. The Parker Brothers version was first marketed in 1935.

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Lactated Food
Lactated food has glucose (simple sugar) is added to certain proteins and lipids in a process called glycosylation.
Lactated food for Babies was produced by Wells, Richardson & Company in Burlington, Vermont.
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Acousticon

"All you need to do is to write saying that you are deaf and will try the “ACOUSTICON.” The trial will not cost you one cent, for we even pay delivery charges."
This early model hearing aid was manufactured by the General Acoustic Company.

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Baker's Cocoa

"contains considerable fatty matter, more than one quarter..."
More fat in cocoa doesn't sound very appetizing, but in fact premium coca typically has 22% to 24% fat content.


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h.i.s. -- For whom the bells toll
What a bunch of stiffs!
You can see more life-like representations of humans at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum
 

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Automatic Baby Feeder
  An "Automatic" Baby Feeder where the baby is supposed to reach up and grab the bottle and guide it to his/her mouth. What could go wrong?

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 John Deere Waterloo Boy Tractor
John Deere acquired the Waterloo Gasoline Engine Company in March 1918, marking the company’s entry into the tractor business.

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Lucky Tiger Gets the Gals

Lucky Tiger will send you pictures of these trophy women so you can “Make Your Den a Lucky Lair.”  Oh yes, that'll really impress the chicks!



Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (21)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Ahhhh, the perfect Christmas centerpiece. Every Oscar Mayer cured meat you can think of, along with parsley and huckleberry leaves, pinned to a tree made out of a kitchen funnel and styrofoam.

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Old Glory & War Eagle Cheroots

A cheroot is a cylindrical cigar with both ends clipped during manufacture. Since cheroots do not taper, they are inexpensive to roll mechanically, and their low cost makes them popular. Lunsford Richardson, 1854–1919, was an American pharmacist from Selma, North Carolina, and the inventor of Vick's VapoRub.
 
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The first portable handheld hairdryer was invented in 1920, but that didn't stop some intrepid soul from building this massive industrial-strength version sometime soon after.

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Face Harness for Milady's Beauty

"Sagging chins are lifted and unbecoming wrinkles are smoothed out around the lips, cheeks and forehead... It is worn overnight, removed in morning."
Also doubles as a torture device!


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Gordon Motor Crib Co

Long before child safety seats were invented, there were motor cribs or car bassinets so that mothers didn't have to hold their babies during car rides. They were totally unsafe and this one looks like it would pivot and launch the baby into the air if the mother slams on the brakes.

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Lucky Tiger Hair Tonic
"Start him young -- to prevent falling" ... sales!
Lucky Tiger began in the 1920’s, in Kansas City, Missouri, in the basement of barber Benjamin Clarke and is still being sold today.


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Society simply won't stand for Indelicate Women
  "As quick as a wink, a few sprinkles of Amolin will guard your freshness and wholesomeness all day long!"
Ads targeting women attempt to create or amplify feelings of fear, social estrangement, rejection, anxiety, and paranoia in order to sell products.


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Hollywood Finger Cigarette Ring
 "No chance of dropping cigarette while fatigued" Apparently the manufacturer thought it too burdensome to simply hold a cigarette between one’s fingers, so they made this little device.
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Jell-O is the Gay Dessert

 "Go gay with Jell-O -- today!"

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Loftis - Diamonds on Credit

 Loftis Bros & Company was established in Chicago in 1858, and in this 1905 ad they claim to be the "oldest, the largest, and the most reliable credit retailers of Diamonds, Watches, and Jewelry in the world."

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Deepfreeze - the talked-about home freezer
"Opens at the top . . . cold can't spill out -- and how beautifully efficient it looks in your home!"
"Beautifully efficient???" Can you imagine trying to fit this monster in your kitchen?

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Gibson Girl Cigarettes
The Gibson Girl was created by Charles Dana Gibson in the late 1890's. During a 20-year period, she became every woman's ideal and every man's dream. Gibson's "American girl to all the world" was not only stunningly tall, thin, and beautiful, but also an independent and well-educated young woman poised to take a more visible and active role in the public arena than women of preceding generations.
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Pyrodento

The human mouth is one of the dirtiest parts of the body, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. A human mouth is host to hundreds of species of bacteria, many of which simply live there and don’t really cause any damage. If any disease-causing bugs get into our mouths, these “good” bacteria outgrow them and starve out the competition to make sure that we don’t get sick.

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Dr Guertins Nerve Syrup
Dr. Guertin's Nerve Syrup was a patent medicine sold by Kalmus Chemical Company, promoted as a treatment for diseases of the nervous system, and particularly as an epilepsy cure.  Although it was sold under the name of Dr. A. L. Guertin, an associate linked to the company, the concoction was the creation of Otto Kalmus, who had previously engaged in a mail scam offering epilepsy treatment, before it was banned as fraudulent by the Postal Service in 1908.
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Hoosier Kitchen Cabinets - 1906
Until the 1930s, very few homes had built-in kitchen cabinets. A typical kitchen contained a sink, stove, an icebox and a Hoosier cabinet. They were called Hoosier Cabinets because the first was made in Indiana in 1898, by the Hoosier Manufacturing Company. Hoosier style cabinets were also made by dozens of other companies, and most were manufactured in the Hoosier State or nearby.
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1922 Frigidaire - No More Ice
Prior to the invention of the first self-contained electric refrigerator by Frigidaire in 1916, many American households stored their perishable food in an insulated "icebox" that was usually made of wood and lined with tin or zinc. The ice man came once a week and delivered a fresh block of ice.
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Latest in Water Saving Velocipede Shower-Baths

The "Latest in Water Saving VELOCIPEDE Shower Baths." Rinse the dirt off and then put it right back on again with the same dirty water!

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Spaniard's Mirror System Creates an Invisible Army

 Aside from the sheer bulk of this mirror system and the difficulty of deploying it on an active battlefield, there's the fact that one bullet would shatter it.

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Westinghouse First Indoor Sunshine
 Yes, ladies, there’s nothing like ceiling-mounted fluorescent lighting to accentuate every wrinkle on your face and the bags under your eyes.
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Your Friend...the Atom

 "Your future home may have electric master panels like this."
Yes, it's called an iPhone.


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Weil Scientific Reducing Belt

"The Weil Reducing Belt made of special reducing rubber, produces exactly the same results as a skilled masseur, only quicker and cheaper."
You won't lose any weightwith a reducing belt, or trimming belt, or abs belt. The only thing that will be lighter is your wallet.


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Andrews Liver Salt
Andrews Liver Salts, a laxative and antacid, was first sold from 1894, by William Henry Scott and William Murdoch Turner in England. The trademark "Andrews Liver Salt" was registered in 1909. In the 1930s, advertisements recommended taking the salts for "inner cleanliness".
 Andrews Liver Salts is now owned by GlaxoSmithKline.


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Jell-o to Drink
Jell-O brand powder first hit the market in 1897, and over the years their advertising featured many recipes.  In this ad from 1959, readers are told that the gelatin protein that is produced when animal bones, connective tissues and other similar meat by-products are boiled makes a delicious soft drink.

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Drink Sober-up it's a Lifesaver
 
“It’s A Lifesaver,” and it’s also “Fit For A King.”
A 30-oz bottle of lemon-lime soda, similar to 7-UP won't sober you up, but it might help with alcohol induced dehydration.


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US Army - Action!

 During WW2, the US Army suggested that young men looking for a little "action" join the army.
"You'll like the splendid new equipment -- cars, trucks, tanks, planes, guns -- that you'll be using."


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suffragette
The 19th Amendment, ratified on August 18, 1920, finally granted women the right to vote. Men reacted to women's demand for the vote badly then, and treat powerful women in politics just as badly now. 
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Maternity Corset 

Women who had worn corsets since childhood or adolescence probably had weaker abdominal muscles and might have benefited from proper support, but maternity corsets were not specially designed for support. Instead, the corsets were designed to minimize the size of the pregnant body. Maternity corsets shielded the pregnant body from view and thus provided Victorian society another means of denying women’s sexuality.

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Dogs for Defense
After Pearl Harbor, the US military asked pet owners to donate their pet dogs to the war effort. Dogs for Defense was a very successful program, recruiting approximately 20,000 dogs during WW2.

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COMPUTER CORPORATION OF AMERICA.  IDA (Integro-Differential Analyzer

 The all vacuum tube IDA (Integro-Differential Analyzer) by
Computer Corporation of America was introduced in 1951. At a time when computers took up entire rooms, this device allowed you to "actually sit at your desk while you compute!"


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Dupont Aerosol Stuffing

"At last the backbreaking chore of stuffing is done in minutes..." And unlike "stovetop" alternatives, the salmonella bacteria in the turkey will still pollute the stuffing and give your family food poisoning, just like the old days. 


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