Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (25)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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Maxim Silencer- Shooting Matches in the House
 Because the only down side of shooting firearms in your house is the noise!
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Kellogg's Corn Flakes
In 1894, John Harvey Kellogg created corn flakes as a healthy food for the patients of the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan where he was superintendent. In 1906 his brother, W.K. Kellogg opened the “Battle Creek Toasted Corn Flake Company" with 44 employees and began manufacturing Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
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Draft Cow - National Dairy Products Corporation
During World War 2, most Americans contributed to the war effort in one way or another, so the National Dairy Products Corporation wanted to convince everyone that they were doing their part as well.
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Medicinal Whiskey

The National Prohibition Act of 1919 included exemptions for doctors wishing to prescribe alcohol to patients. The American Medical Association claimed alcohol could be used to treat 27 different ailments, including asthma and cancer. In fact, writing alcohol prescriptions was simply a good way for doctors and pharmacists to make a few extra bucks.
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WD 40 -- Rusty Tool
In 1953, Rocket Chemical Company and its staff of three set out to create a line of rust-prevention solvents and degreasers for use in the aerospace industry. Working in a small lab in San Diego, California it took them 40 attempts to come up with the original formula they christened WD 40.
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Your No.1 reason for Midol

 PMS may make some women irritable, but it doesn’t lower their ability to reason; it lowers their patience and tolerance for BS.

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Old Gold -- Wa-ta-hun-ee
In 1939, Old Gold Cigarettes commissioned pin-up artist George Petty to create paintings of Indian maidens for an advertising campaign called "Wa-Ta-Hun-Ee!" 
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Lux Wont Shrink Wool
 This 1912 ad depicts a Mammy stereotype and her stereotypical "woolly-headed" son.
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Miles Nervine helps calm you down
Nervine wasn’t a wonder drug, just a cocktail of one of the oldest class of sedatives – inorganic bromides.  Unfortunately the level of bromide needed to "calm you down" was pretty close to bromine’s toxicity level. When people began using products like Nervine a too often to “settle their nerves” bromine toxicity (“bromism”) cases were at an all-time high.
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No Cal Soda

 No-Cal was the first zero-calorie soda and it was initially marketed in the 1950s to diabetics. The Food and Drug Administration's ban of cyclamate sweeteners in 1970, caused No-Cal to lose market share and slowly disappear.

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Portrait Pillow

 "Wishing won't make it so but your own Portrait Pillow will help make your dreams come true."

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Ipana Tooth Paste - Pink tooth brush

The Bristol-Myers Company first introduced Ipana Toothpaste in 1901. It was the first toothpaste on the market to include disinfectant in its formula. In the 1950s, Bristol-Myers worked with Disney to create a new mascot, Bucky Beaver. Bucky always encouraged viewers to keep on “brusha, brusha, brusha!” using Ipana Toothpaste.
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Pond's Extract

Pond’s started out in 1846 as a patent medicine company when Theron T. Pond, a pharmacist from Utica, New York, began selling ‘Golden Treasure’, a homeopathic remedy he developed from witch hazel.
 
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The Magnus Chord Organ Big Book of Easy Funeral Hits

 This is an obvious fake, but it is hilarious!

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The Centennial Marble Shooter
 Ancient marbles were simple round stones or clay balls. The first mass-produced toy marbles in the US were made in Akron, Ohio, by by S. C. Dyke, in the early 1890s. In 1903, Martin Frederick Christensen—also of Akron, Ohio—made the first machine-made glass marbles.
"Mibster," is a term for someone who plays marbles.

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Charles Atlas - My Free Body-Building Book

Charles Atlas (born Angelo Siciliano; 1892 – 1972) was an Italian-American bodybuilder best remembered as the developer of a bodybuilding method called "Dynamic Tension." He began a landmark advertising campaign featuring his name and likeness in 1922, and the company he started is still in business.
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I never struck him before...
This was a strange way to sell insurance. "I never struck him before...and I never want to again. But what else could I do this time?" Try that now and your kid (or one of your neighbors) is likely to call Child Protective Services on you. 
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Captain Video Emergency Helmet

For parents who were too cheap to buy their kids authentic Captain Video Emergency Helmets, this article tells them how to make one with "household odds and ends." And what kid wouldn't want to be seen with a cheap knockoff of a popular toy?
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Can it be Done?  - car phone

This feature from the 1930s shows very little imagination. Two-way radio communications were already a reality, so why not have a mobile radio link in your car instead of stopping to hook up a wired handset. Perhaps they meant "Can it be done...right now?"
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Lane Bryant - Styles for Stout Women
The ready to wear plus-sized clothing business has only existed since the early 20th century. Lane Bryant opened for business in 1904 as a small dressmaking boutique run by Lena Bryant in Manhattan. “Designing models for women who require extra sizes is an art in itself” Lane Bryant announced in a 1919 advertisement.
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Multiple Electric Vibrator Massages the Scalp
"FOUR hundred and eighty artificial fingers give the scalp a gentle and beneficial massage... Light in weight, the appliance may easily be self-manipulated...with the aid of two convenient hand grips, while four vibrating disks do their work in unison."

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The Playboy Land Yacht
In 1975, Playboy magazine commissioned futurist designer Syd Mead to illustrate the Playboy Land Yacht, a self-driving futuristic bachelor pad on six wheels.
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Lysol - She was guilty of one neglect
Lysol ads from the 1950s undermined women's self-confidence. The message was clear: “Ladies — if you don’t douche, you will smell bad, and your husband won’t love you anymore.”
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Men who know say no to prostitutes
During World War II, venereal diseases were called “the enemy in your pants,” and soldiers were warned that “your carelessness is their secret weapon.”
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Mercedes 8 airbags
Mercedes Benz equates air bags with fun bags for their target demographic of wealthy men aged 30-55.
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Eat a Nic-o-cin and Smoke as much as you like
Nicocin Limited claimed the lozenges were made from a "beneficial plant that neutralizes the nicotine and keeps smokers fit."
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Lucky Star Chocolate Cigarettes

Internal tobacco industry documents recently made public confirm that tobacco companies cooperated with the makers of candy cigarettes in designing packaging that promoted smoking to children.
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Stay dainty each day with Cashmere Bouquet
He gets to smoke his stinky pipe while she worries about possible body odor. Cashmere Bouquet was introduced in 1872 as the first manufactured perfumed toilet soap. It’s still made the old fashioned way, with animal fat and lye.
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 You have a beautiful face, but your nose...
 "You have a beautiful face, but your nose" ...is so big it blocks the sun.

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 Ipana -- Pink Tooth Brush 

"Today's foods are soft. They fail to give your gums any stimulation. That's why your gums are tender. That's why you find "pink" on your tooth brush."
Wait! So, it's not gum disease?

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (24)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Hotel Knickerbocker San Diego

"Knickerbocker" traces its origin to the Dutch settlers who came to what is now New York in the 1600s. It refers to the style of pants the settlers wore...pants that rolled up just below the knee, which became known as "Knickerbockers", or "knickers." Later it became a generic term for people from Manhattan.

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Full Chinese Disguise
 And not racist at all. Oh no!
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S.A.C. Hat

The S.A. C. Hat (Signal Audio Communications) is an  "electronically engineered portable communications center" that is guaranteed to annoy anyone within shouting distance.
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The Path of War

During World War II every American was encouraged to support the war effort. This 1942 ad from Bell Telephone says, "Please don't make Long Distance calls to centers of war activity unless they are VITAL."

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The Chesterfield Glove
If you are carrying a pack of cigarettes in each glove, then maybe you should cut back. Chesterfield was first introduced in 1873 by the Drummond Tobacco Company of St. Louis, Missouri.
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Introducing Atari 800

 "...so it will never become obsolete."
Did the person who wrote that know they were making a joke?


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The Magic Washer - The Chinese Must Go!
Between 1850 and 1930, about one million Asians came to the United States. They were welcomed to work on the transcontinental railroad, but once the work was finished, anti-Asian sentiment developed that culminated in the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 and Gentlemen’s Agreement (with Japan) of 1907, both of which severely limited immigration from Asia. This ad for laundry soap was typical of the racist depictions of Asians at the time.
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Charcoal toothpaste

Charcoal has been used for centuries for its healing and adsorption properties. Romans made the first charcoal toothpaste by combining charcoal powder with crushed bones, oyster shells and bark.
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Morton's -- When it rains, it pours

Morton's trademark catchphrase, "When it rains, it pours" was created to illustrate the point that Morton Salt was free flowing even in rainy weather after the company began adding magnesium carbonate as an absorbing agent to its table salt in 1911 to ensure that it poured freely.
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Chocolate Pickaninnies
The C.M. Pitt & Sons Company invites bakers to start making their own "Pickaninnies" Chocolate Cup Cakes.
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World's Smallest Talking Machine

The "World's Smallest Talking Machine" was a portable record player. The first practical portable music playback device was the Sony Walkman cassette tape player that went on sale in 1979 for $150.

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Mary was so fidgety she couldn't concentrate
 In the 1950s, students who were constantly fidgeting were suffering from "harsh toilet paper."  Now we attribute the fidgeting to ADHD and dose kids with Adderall.
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Jell-O-Salad

What a great innovation! Put everything you don't want into a Jello salad and serve it to your family. Jell...NO!
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Jingle Jokes for Little Folks

Jingle Jokes for Little Folks was first published by Hires Root Beer in 1901.
Hires Root Beer was introduced in 1876, and was the second longest continuously made soft drink in the United States, until it was purchased by Dr Pepper/Snapple. They have been phasing it out in favor of their own root beer brand; A&W.

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The Famous Specific Orange Blossom
"The Famous Specific Orange Blossom, a Positive Cure for All Female Diseases" even claimed to be a safe and sure remedy for ovarian tumors. Beginning in the 1840s, Americans began to initiate malpractice lawsuits against their physicians and surgeons, but J.A. McGill never faced any consequences for the lives lost because of his snake oil.
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Pad 'N Add

'TENDER TIPS' for the girl who can't make it on her own but would like to!
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Kiss Me Necktie
"Men! Boys! Amaze your friends, surprise and thrill the girls! Here’s the most amazing, spectacular necktie you ever wore, smart, wrinkle-proof, tailored, by day a lovely swank tie in special color combinations to look smart with any suit, and at night like a miracle of light it leaps to life with pulsing, glowing question, "Will You Kiss Me in the Dark Baby.""
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Rupp Centaur

During the gas shortages of the 1970s, Rupp Corporation introduced the Centaur, a trike designed to deliver the fun of a motorcycle with the practicality of an economy car. The Centaur was a massive failure and was only produced for two years, but Elvis Presley bought one in 1975 and it is still on display at Graceland.
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Kotex Laundress
Look at the glowering laundress and the apologetic lady of the house! Perhaps she should stop exploiting the servant class by bleeding all over things and then asking them to clean it up. 
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Kreml Hair Tonic
Ads for Kreml hair tonic from 1939 to 1944 featured a selection of four men: the messy, the greasy, the baldy and the perfect!
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The Merits of our Cocaine

The first description of the use of cocaine by humans can be found in the memoirs of the Florentine traveler Amerigo Vespucci (1451-1512). Carl Koller in 1884 empirically demonstrated the benefits of cocaine use in medicine, especially in ophthalmology.
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Mum deodorant
"But will you be showered with attention Sugar?"
Not if your pits reek!

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Dr Coutant Nasal Douche

In 1913, The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) wrote about Dr Coutant and his many quack remedies; "A fakish concern conducted by an individual with an unsavory representation." 
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The Princess Bust Developer

This scary-looking device, resembling a metal sink plunger, along with the "Bust Cream or Food" promised to feed the "starved and underdeveloped tissues" of the late-19th century bust. Who knew breasts needed “feeding?”

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The best things in life come from cellophane

 If your newborn baby arrives wrapped in cellophane, he may need more than a smack on the butt.
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RCA Victor Golden Throat


RCA Victor's Golden Throat was a great advertising gimmick that was based on what was called a 3-way acoustical system, where the amplifier, speaker and cabinet were engineered for the best sound reproduction.
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Transparent Face Mask

 Also good for unassisted suicides!
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 Kiwi Shoe Polish
"You can't blame her, Bud! Your shabby-looking shoes embarrassed her before her friends!" 
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For a fresh start take an Ivory Bath

"Why take it out on Junior?  You're just tired and irritable from doing the day's chores." Relax in the tub and let Junior fend for himself.

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 So you're planning on feeding them paper cups?