Friday, October 9, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (43)

 Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Vibrator Bra
Hey, this is not just any Vibrator Bra. This is a "Secret Agent" Vibrator Bra that "helps give strength and vitality to weak and frail breasts!"
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Surprise Package
Are you willing to pay 75 cents for whatever leftovers we decide to send you?
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Bonded Knit Slacks
"Wait till you feel the butter-soft luxury of 100% acrylic fabric..." Acrylic fabric is also flammable and can be extremely difficult to extinguish.
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Atomic Rocket Cap
 "...made of green felt with colorful aerials and a propeller that whirls and whirs most convincingly as Junior runs!"
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Bette Davis - Dainty
Bette Davis was a lot of things; smart, gorgeous, tough, demanding, but she was never "dainty." 26
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Mars Bars Doctor
Has your doctor ever told you that candy bars were a "fine source of quick energy?" And then directed you to buy a certain brand, and change grocers if they don't carry it? Hey, stay in your lane, Doc.
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Tania and Kirsoff
Tania and Kirsoff appeared in the mid-1930's around the United States with their "new, unique and sensational Dance of the Forbidden Necklace, 'The Snake Dance.' " Their act was apparently not popular everywhere; one club owner told a local newspaper, 'When a customer has had a few highballs, he doesn't want to see blue snakes.' "
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Monster Briefs in Color
 "Creepy" would be the best choice.
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Sargol makes you nice and plump
Sargol is a type of Persian saffron that comes from the very tip of the saffron thread. Advertisements like this were common in the early twentieth century, when a little extra weight was considered a sign of good health and prosperity.
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Maytag Electric Washer
The Maytag Washing Machine Company was founded in 1893 by businessman Frederick Maytag. By 1921, electric washing machines were efficient at washing clothes, but you still had to run the wet items one at a time through a wringer.
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Fake Barf toy
Fake vomit first appeared in the 1950s. Made of flexible plastic, it was designed by novelty manufacturer Marvin Glass, who also designed the chattering teeth.
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American Field Service
American Field Service
was created in World War I as a volunteer ambulance and medical corps supporting the Allied war effort.
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Asphalt and Asbestos Roofing and Siding
Fireproof asbestos shingles soared in popularity beginning in the early 1900s until health risks associated with the material became widely publicized. But they weren't actually banned nationwide until 1989.
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Jack Cornell for Sheriff San Diego
"No Stool Pigeons" was apparently a good campaign slogan when running for Sheriff in San Diego in the 1930s.
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Moon Rocks
You could chemically grow colorful crystals with the Hasbro Magic Moon Rocks kit from the 1950s.
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98% of all Procurable Women have Venereal Disease
This WW2 poster might be overstating it a bit. Britain and the US were the only countries who didn't issue condoms to their soldiers during WW1 and they paid a price for it. They issued condoms in WW2 and also relied on scare tactics like this.
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Alcoa Wrap - Be a Bright Little Wife
Who wants to be a "bright little wife" this Thanksgiving?
 American society is still patriarchal, but not quite as bad as when this ad appeared in the 1970s.
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Jackie Gleason Bus Driver's Outfit
"To the moon, Alice!"
The Jackie Gleason Bus Drivers Outfit came with with cap, money changer, ticket puncher, bus transfers, and coins.
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Gimbels Funtimer Slippers
Gimbel's Funtimer Slippers and not your ordinary slippers because they have real foam rubber tires.
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Yvette and Her Original Muff Dance
 Did Yvette really need Sligh & Tyrrell in order to do her "Muff Dance?"
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Seagram - Should you drink if you are pregnant?
That's a hard NO, but Seagram thought there was a little wiggle room. Later, deep in the text that people are likely to miss, they suggest putting "a hold on the drinking" while pregnant.
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Finger Supporting and Exercising Device
If you need this device to hold your fingers in the "proper" position, then piano is probably not the instrument for you.
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PDT-90 - Not My Kid
How to wreck your relationship with a teenager.
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RCA - The Two Thousand
In 1969, RCA invited the American public to "take a leap into the year 2000" with a new television set called The Two Thousand that cost $2,000. That's about $14,000 in 2020 dollars for a set that would never last to the year 2000.
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Mary Kay Skin
"Every skin is different" There is white and there is tanned, but there are no people of color.
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Royal Enfield Bicycles
The company that would become Royal Enfield began manufacturing bicycles in the 1880s in the UK.
In 1893 they won a contract to supply precision parts to the Royal Small Arms Factory of Enfield, Middlesex. To celebrate this prestigious order, they renamed their business the Enfield Manufacturing Company and adopted the trademark "Made Like A Gun."
 
 
 
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Space Patrol Belt
"Made of rugged simulated leather to stand up to out of this world action."
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Kellogg's Live Wire
He's a live wire alright. His cheek muscles are on the outside of his skin!
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Big Pay Musician
Learn the tenor banjo and you'll be paid "fancy prices."
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Karswood Creosote

Creosote is a thick and sticky black tar that is a byproduct of burning wood or coal.
In the 1890s, it was common ingredient in quack medicine cures for colds, flu,  bronchitis, Whooping Cough, Hay Fever, Croup, Asthma and Tuberculosis.

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