Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (25)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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Maxim Silencer- Shooting Matches in the House
 Because the only down side of shooting firearms in your house is the noise!
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Kellogg's Corn Flakes
In 1894, John Harvey Kellogg created corn flakes as a healthy food for the patients of the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan where he was superintendent. In 1906 his brother, W.K. Kellogg opened the “Battle Creek Toasted Corn Flake Company" with 44 employees and began manufacturing Kellogg's Corn Flakes.
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Draft Cow - National Dairy Products Corporation
During World War 2, most Americans contributed to the war effort in one way or another, so the National Dairy Products Corporation wanted to convince everyone that they were doing their part as well.
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Medicinal Whiskey

The National Prohibition Act of 1919 included exemptions for doctors wishing to prescribe alcohol to patients. The American Medical Association claimed alcohol could be used to treat 27 different ailments, including asthma and cancer. In fact, writing alcohol prescriptions was simply a good way for doctors and pharmacists to make a few extra bucks.
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WD 40 -- Rusty Tool
In 1953, Rocket Chemical Company and its staff of three set out to create a line of rust-prevention solvents and degreasers for use in the aerospace industry. Working in a small lab in San Diego, California it took them 40 attempts to come up with the original formula they christened WD 40.
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Your No.1 reason for Midol

 PMS may make some women irritable, but it doesn’t lower their ability to reason; it lowers their patience and tolerance for BS.

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Old Gold -- Wa-ta-hun-ee
In 1939, Old Gold Cigarettes commissioned pin-up artist George Petty to create paintings of Indian maidens for an advertising campaign called "Wa-Ta-Hun-Ee!" 
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Lux Wont Shrink Wool
 This 1912 ad depicts a Mammy stereotype and her stereotypical "woolly-headed" son.
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Miles Nervine helps calm you down
Nervine wasn’t a wonder drug, just a cocktail of one of the oldest class of sedatives – inorganic bromides.  Unfortunately the level of bromide needed to "calm you down" was pretty close to bromine’s toxicity level. When people began using products like Nervine a too often to “settle their nerves” bromine toxicity (“bromism”) cases were at an all-time high.
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No Cal Soda

 No-Cal was the first zero-calorie soda and it was initially marketed in the 1950s to diabetics. The Food and Drug Administration's ban of cyclamate sweeteners in 1970, caused No-Cal to lose market share and slowly disappear.

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Portrait Pillow

 "Wishing won't make it so but your own Portrait Pillow will help make your dreams come true."

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Ipana Tooth Paste - Pink tooth brush

The Bristol-Myers Company first introduced Ipana Toothpaste in 1901. It was the first toothpaste on the market to include disinfectant in its formula. In the 1950s, Bristol-Myers worked with Disney to create a new mascot, Bucky Beaver. Bucky always encouraged viewers to keep on “brusha, brusha, brusha!” using Ipana Toothpaste.
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Pond's Extract

Pond’s started out in 1846 as a patent medicine company when Theron T. Pond, a pharmacist from Utica, New York, began selling ‘Golden Treasure’, a homeopathic remedy he developed from witch hazel.
 
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The Magnus Chord Organ Big Book of Easy Funeral Hits

 This is an obvious fake, but it is hilarious!

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The Centennial Marble Shooter
 Ancient marbles were simple round stones or clay balls. The first mass-produced toy marbles in the US were made in Akron, Ohio, by by S. C. Dyke, in the early 1890s. In 1903, Martin Frederick Christensen—also of Akron, Ohio—made the first machine-made glass marbles.
"Mibster," is a term for someone who plays marbles.

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Charles Atlas - My Free Body-Building Book

Charles Atlas (born Angelo Siciliano; 1892 – 1972) was an Italian-American bodybuilder best remembered as the developer of a bodybuilding method called "Dynamic Tension." He began a landmark advertising campaign featuring his name and likeness in 1922, and the company he started is still in business.
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I never struck him before...
This was a strange way to sell insurance. "I never struck him before...and I never want to again. But what else could I do this time?" Try that now and your kid (or one of your neighbors) is likely to call Child Protective Services on you. 
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Captain Video Emergency Helmet

For parents who were too cheap to buy their kids authentic Captain Video Emergency Helmets, this article tells them how to make one with "household odds and ends." And what kid wouldn't want to be seen with a cheap knockoff of a popular toy?
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Can it be Done?  - car phone

This feature from the 1930s shows very little imagination. Two-way radio communications were already a reality, so why not have a mobile radio link in your car instead of stopping to hook up a wired handset. Perhaps they meant "Can it be done...right now?"
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Lane Bryant - Styles for Stout Women
The ready to wear plus-sized clothing business has only existed since the early 20th century. Lane Bryant opened for business in 1904 as a small dressmaking boutique run by Lena Bryant in Manhattan. “Designing models for women who require extra sizes is an art in itself” Lane Bryant announced in a 1919 advertisement.
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Multiple Electric Vibrator Massages the Scalp
"FOUR hundred and eighty artificial fingers give the scalp a gentle and beneficial massage... Light in weight, the appliance may easily be self-manipulated...with the aid of two convenient hand grips, while four vibrating disks do their work in unison."

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The Playboy Land Yacht
In 1975, Playboy magazine commissioned futurist designer Syd Mead to illustrate the Playboy Land Yacht, a self-driving futuristic bachelor pad on six wheels.
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Lysol - She was guilty of one neglect
Lysol ads from the 1950s undermined women's self-confidence. The message was clear: “Ladies — if you don’t douche, you will smell bad, and your husband won’t love you anymore.”
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Men who know say no to prostitutes
During World War II, venereal diseases were called “the enemy in your pants,” and soldiers were warned that “your carelessness is their secret weapon.”
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Mercedes 8 airbags
Mercedes Benz equates air bags with fun bags for their target demographic of wealthy men aged 30-55.
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Eat a Nic-o-cin and Smoke as much as you like
Nicocin Limited claimed the lozenges were made from a "beneficial plant that neutralizes the nicotine and keeps smokers fit."
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Lucky Star Chocolate Cigarettes

Internal tobacco industry documents recently made public confirm that tobacco companies cooperated with the makers of candy cigarettes in designing packaging that promoted smoking to children.
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Stay dainty each day with Cashmere Bouquet
He gets to smoke his stinky pipe while she worries about possible body odor. Cashmere Bouquet was introduced in 1872 as the first manufactured perfumed toilet soap. It’s still made the old fashioned way, with animal fat and lye.
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 You have a beautiful face, but your nose...
 "You have a beautiful face, but your nose" ...is so big it blocks the sun.

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 Ipana -- Pink Tooth Brush 

"Today's foods are soft. They fail to give your gums any stimulation. That's why your gums are tender. That's why you find "pink" on your tooth brush."
Wait! So, it's not gum disease?

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