Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (37)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
Briggs & Stratton -- Modern World
 The "Modern World" of 1954 apparently had a lot of women pushing lawn mowers.
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Grace-Mildred Culture Company
 "Miss Cocroft's name is sufficient guarantee of its genuineness."
 But not of its effectiveness. Anyone can look 20 years younger with the proper lighting.
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RCA Victor Console with Magic Eye
 The "Magic Eye" in this RCA Victor Console was a vacuum tube that gave a visual indication of the radio-frequency signal strength to help you determine if you had tuned your radio accurately to a station.
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Genuine OCD Toy Gas Masks
Genuine OCD Toy Gas Masks -- for Genuine OCD Kids!
Is it really a "Toy" or is it "Genuine War Surplus?

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Sylvania Conveftible TV
Sylvania Convertible TV -- It's a console and a back injury!
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Johnny Astro
The Johnny Astro space vehicle -- "The Most Exciting Toy Ever" -- was actually a balloon that used a fan for "lift-off" and controlled flight.
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Edison Magno-Electric Vitalizer
Thomas Edison Jr. had no skills, so he traded on his father's famous last name by making deals with unsavory businessmen. The distributor of this device was eventually convicted of mail fraud. After that incident, Edison Sr. said, "I am thinking of a scheme to prevent persons from using the name I have striven honorably to protect"
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Bing Crosby - Why I believe in Santa Claus
Bing Crosby says, "Give Personna Blades to every shaver on your list."
Because who doesn't want to receive razor blades for Christmas?

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Crave for Candy
 "The 'Crave for Candy' so often is a call for energy." So you should definitely answer it with a bunch of empty calories!
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Apple Music Card
 "Girls will climb over each other to kiss your feet."  Followed (without a sense of irony) by: "Some companies will say anything to sell you a music card."
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The Plucky Little Jap
 "in the making of history, Wheat has always triumphed over Meat."
Apparently, the Japanese weren't so "plucky" until after they started eating wheat.

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Looks cozy, but where is the toilet? It wasn't until the late 1960s that people began to realize that backyard and basement shelters against nuclear bombs were nothing but burial tombs being prepared in advance.
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Black Dragon Fighting Society - Dim Mak
The Black Dragon Fighting Society was created by hairdresser, criminal, pornographer, and egomaniac John “Count Dante” Keehan to separate paper route money from comic book reading young boys.
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The New Dodge Street Van
 "Roger put me into a Street Van. And I'm not coming out."
Why not? Are you being held hostage?

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Genuine Stuffed Alligator
"All the fun you can have with him"... but what fun can you have with a dead alligator? Actually, I don't want to know.
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Devil Dog Car Alarm
 Buyers were a little less astonished when they realized the alarm didn't talk, but just beeped the horn.
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The Boeing 377 Stratocruiser was a large long-range airliner developed from the B-29 Superfortress of World War II. Its circular staircase led to a lower deck beverage lounge where passengers could mingle. With upper-and-lower bunk beds that could sleep 28 fliers, this was the ultimate long-distance luxury aircraft for its time (1947-1963).
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Northeast Airlines -- New York Boston
Northeast pioneered service from its Boston base throughout the New England states and into Canada in the 1930s. By the time Northeast merged with Delta in 1972, its famous "Yellowbirds" were jetting to Florida, the Bahamas and Bermuda.
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Speedy Weeny
The Speedy Weeny debuted in 1947. It cooked hotdogs in seconds, using microwave technology developed for radar in World War II.
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Fiberglass Insulation - Something to remember
"Something to remember when you buy that new range!"
You still don't know how to cook!
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Easy on the Sugar -- you're reducing!
 "Easy on the Sugar -- you're reducing!"
Why don't you shut the hell up instead.

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Lucky Strike - Massacre at Fort Dearborn
 This ad references The Fort Dearborn Massacre near Chicago as, "the heartless treachery of a band of vicious Miami Indians." The native Americans were simply "fighting back" against the encroachment of white settlers and won one battle.
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FUN! Make this Squirrel Lamp
 Even the squirrel thinks its fun! But this guy's wife immediately threw it in the trash.
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The Love Rug
Who was sitting around one day and thought what people were missing in their sex lives was a rug that would “stroke as you stroke?”
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Conoco Nth Motor Oil
 In 1911, the United States Supreme court ordered Standard Oil to divest some of its holdings. Two years later Continental Oil Company became one of 34 independent oil companies formed as a result of the court’s antitrust ruling.
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Bestform - No finer fit at any price
This Bestform lingerie ad is from 1944, with a pert bosomed illustration by American pin-up artist George Petty.
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Men Don't Like Sissy Soaps
"Men Don't Like Sissy Soaps" They prefer an alluring, masculine scent - equal parts woods and musk - rounded out with hints of tobacco, beer, and farts.
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Kraft - Philadelphia Cream Cheese
"It's a salad! It's a dessert"
It's a dessert topping...and a floor wax!
(Saturday Night Live, 1976  -- 'New Shimmer', the floor wax that's also a dessert topping)

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Crewless War Tank
Using phonograph disks, "the dream of airplanes and tanks that operate by remote control is brought nearer to realization." Till you hit a bump and the record skips.
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Kellogg's All-Bran Regulars
 "If you have ever been through a siege of what is politely called 'intestinal sluggishness,' you'll know I'm not exaggerating."

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