Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Funny Vintage Ads (33)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.

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Vox Discotape Unit

The Vox Discotape Unit was truly ahead of its time because it preceded the Disco era by a few years. It included two turntables, a cassette tape deck and a 50-watt amplifier for people who had no musical talent but still wanted to be the center of attention.
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Handie-Talkie -- The Fightingest Radio in the Armed Services
During WWII, soldiers on the front lines used 2 way radio walkie talkies to communicate with commanders. Developed by Motorola Electronics Engineers, the “Handie Talkie” was a battery-powered radio receiver and transmitter no larger than a cracker box.
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Thermodor - Stacked for Convenience
Yes, that would be convenient...
Fans of the old Dick Van Dyke Show may recognize "Mel Cooley" the producer of the fictitious Alan Brady Show and comic foil for Dick, Buddy and Sally.

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Ovaltine - He won't stop breaking wind
 "Many times the child who has uncontrollable flatulence needs a diet correction -- not a spanking!
Ah, the good old days. Apparently, in the 1940s it was normal to spank a kid for farting.
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Tecnico -- A care-free stroll gives you Lovelier Floors

Lovelier floors are just a "care-free stroll" away!
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Dr J S Frost Burlington, NC
 This character looks a lot like Alfred E. Neuman of Mad Magazine and he showed up in many early newspaper ads for dentists.
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Swift's Meats for Babies
A lot of people today probably think that meat is too difficult for babies to digest, but actually grains are more of a problem because babies do not make enough amylase, the enzyme needed to break down carbohydrates, while babies do produce the enzymes and stomach acid needed to break down proteins and fats.
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Sanka - Quit snooping...you snoop
"Write cheerful stuff and keep complaints to yourself. You ought to be ashamed!"
This wartime (WW2) Sanka ad admonishes people (via their "Wartime Conscience") who complain about rationing when writing "V-Mail" to American servicemen.
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Sno-blo nose doucher
In the 1970s, "Sno" or "Snow" were euphemisms for cocaine powder.  This nose douche was designed for cleaning out one's nose before "snorting".
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Proctor -- ways to please a lady
She is plotting how to get even while he sleeps...
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Modess -- Happiness is a gay ribbon
"Happiness is a gay ribbon..." or a "more luxurious sanitary napkin." Wait. What?
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The Del Mar - Del Mar Motors, Inc
In 1949, the Del Mar was advertised as, “America’s Lowest Priced Standard Passenger Car.”  Who could turn down $1170 for a 4-Cylinder, 63 H.P. beast? Apparently a lot of people, because the car never actually made it into production.
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Pears soap was first produced and sold in 1807 by Andrew Pears, at a factory in London, England. It was the world's first mass-marketed gentle soap and it was also translucent, which made it seem pure and safe for the skin. 
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Drummond Sweaters -- Men are better than women

"Men are better than women. Indoors women are useful -- even pleasant! On a mountain they are something of a drag." So when you want to show off your new Drummond sweater, there’s no need to haul your incapable wife up a cliff.
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Trained Drinking Monkey
Oh look! A monkey that smokes and drinks all your booze. That's as useful as a jobless, alcoholic roommate.
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Honeywell -- What the heck is electronic mail?
Does Tinker Bell deliver the email? Back in the 1980s, electronic mail seemed like a great idea. Little did we know how spam would eventually ruin it. Spam messages accounted for 54.68 percent of e-mail traffic in September 2019. And no one is exempt from it. Microsoft founder Bill Gates receives four million emails per year, most of them spam.
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Burgess Meredith for Aqua Velva After-Shave Club 
Burgess Meredith was almost 50 when this ad for Aqua Velva After-Shave Club appeared, talking about how young and healthy he looked.
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Emilio Pucci ski mask

This Emilio Pucci ski mask debuted on the slopes in 1962. It would have been a better fit for a bank robber or a Hannibal Lechter collection.
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Sears Pong TV Table Tennis Game
Pong, released in 1972 by Atari, was the first commercially successful home video game. It doesn't look like much today, but it started an revolution in game consoles.
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The Super Chief
"By the time you're a full fare, it might come true!"
The Atomic version never happened, but "The Super Chief" was the first Diesel-powered, all-Pullman sleeping car train in America and the flagship of the Atchison, Topeka and Santa Fe Railway. It claimed to be "The Train of the Stars" because of the various celebrities it carried between Chicago, Illinois, and Los Angeles, California.

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Spektoscopes
"Wear them like ordinary eye glasses - hour after hour - without fatigue."
Or, maybe you should just buy a pair of ordinary eye glasses so you won't look so creepy.

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Niagara Wave and Rocking Bath
The Niagara Wave & Rocking Bath (1890s) was an early form of hydrotherapy. The manufacturer promised an accurate simulation of the "seaside" & good health through improved circulation.
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Vita Radium Suppositories
"Weak Discouraged Men! Now Bubble Over with Joyous Vitality Through the Use of Glands and Radium"
Long after scientists knew that radiation exposure can be deadly, radium products were still being sold for a variety of aliments.

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Planetary Pencil Pointer -- Now a woman can sharpen a pencil
In the 1890s, sharpening pencils (or other writing implements) involved sandpaper, knives, and files and this kind of activity was not appropriate for the fairer sex.
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Star Trek Helmet
Remco was one of the first companies to produce licensed toys for the Star Trek franchise, and this item might well be the dumbest one they ever produced. It looks like a crash helmet for attention-seeking spastics.
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Gillette -- I didn't get the job
"He doesn't realize that a fresh, close shave is important in getting and holding a job"
Then why did you marry that moron?

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 Ry-Krisp fat shaming
Ry-Krisp was among the first consumer products to be promoted as diet fare, using a "fat shaming" approach that would be loudly condemned today.
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Coca-Cola -- Don't Wear a Tired Thirsty Face

When Coca-Cola was invented in 1885, it contained small amounts of an extract of the coca leaf. Coca-Cola didn’t become completely cocaine-free until 1929, but there was hardly any of the drug left in the drink by then.
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Marshall's Prepared Cubeb Cigarettes

"I only smoke for medicinal purposes"
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Crisco - 9 out of 10 Doctors Say "It's Digestible" 

Crisco - 9 out of 10 Doctors Say "It's Digestible."
So most doctors say it's food. That's reassuring. But what about the one holdout?

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