Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Funny Vintage Ads (30)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot stranger than you thought.
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Fritos -- Keeds! Free Coloring Pencils
The Frito Bandito (voiced by Mel Blanc) was the cartoon mascot for Fritos corn chips beginning in 1967.  After the National Mexican-American Anti-Defamation Committee began complaining about the obnoxious stereotype, Frito-Lay tried to make the character a little less racist, but ultimately ended the ad campaign in 1971.
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Frankie Doodle Dandy
 Why put your Frankie Doodle Dandy on an English muffin?
And thrifty shoppers will surely appreciate that 7 cents off coupon.

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You be the Electronic Man
Yes friends, you too can be an "Electronic Man" made out of cardboard.
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 Farming with Dynamite
In the early 20th century, Du Pont released a series of pamphlets touting what it claimed to be the greatest agricultural innovation since the plow: dynamite.
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Knee Room Ironing Table
Imagine your wife's surprise when she finds this under the Christmas tree. She will surely appreciate your thoughtfulness; wanting her to be able to sit down while ironing your shirts.
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A-1 Sauce -- Conference Fag
In this context, "fag" means "worn-out, exhausted."
The history of the "F" word has its roots in English public boarding school traditions when younger boys (fags) were forced to perform menial domestic chores for older boys. Later it became slang for a cigarette.

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Asbestos
Asbestos use dates back to the Stone Age. It was widely used in building materials during the 20th century until the 1970s, when the death toll from asbestos-related diseases necessitated a ban. Today, most pre-1980s buildings are thought to contain at least some asbestos, and testing is required before any renovations are conducted that might disturb the material.
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Weltron 2001
A portable radio with an 8-track player,
"...styled with the look of tomorrow."
The first iPod was released in October 2001 and that, along with iTunes revolutionized the music industry.

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New Century Washer
“Dey am dun quick.”
Advertisements during the late Victorian era used mammy characters to promote household appliances, because no self-respecting white woman of means would ever do her own chores.

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Derby Tamales...filled with fine meat
Derby Tamales are "filled with fine meat" but they don't say what kind of meat.
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Post Grape Nuts keep you the same size
What is the most important lesson all mothers should teach their daughters? Always stay thin and pretty.
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Turns Out You Gals are Useful After All!
 Who knew?
During World War II (1941-45) women were encouraged to enter the work force to replace men, but after the war they were told they had to give up their jobs for returning servicemen.

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Spud -- Dawn-to-Dusk Smokers

Can't function without a cigarette in your mouth at all times?
With Spud Cigarettes, "Your mouth will taste clean as a whistle" while your lungs turn black.

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Monster Briefs in Color!
Monster Briefs -- for those males who haven't matured past the age of 12.
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Small Bust Women!
"No artificial bust buildup needed!"
Just a Special Patent Pending "bust molding feature."

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Linoleum - A happy relaxation
A little too colorful!
It would be hard to relax while surrounded by those busy patterns.

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United States Navy recruiting
Join the Navy and wrangle targets in your bare feet during target practice!
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Jolly Green Giant Rag Doll
 "Maybe this is just the fellow you need at your house to help get the children going on their vegetables"
Yeah, she looks terrified!

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 Osborne Computer
Introduced in 1981, and weighing in at nearly 25 pounds, the Osborne Computer was the first portable computer. Competitors soon flooded the market with better (and lighter) alternatives and Osborne Computer Corporation filed for bankruptcy in September 1983.
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Maytag Power Washer
"...it is up to YOU and I, brother farmer, to get one of these power washers in our home and save the good wife the toil and trouble that she has endured for so long while you and I have had every modern convenience known to farmers for ever so long."
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Daisy Vacuum Cleaner
The Daisy was a manual vacuum cleaner designed in France around 1890 and built in Britain. It required two people to operate it. The first person had to stand on the base of the bellows, moving it back and forth with the aid of a broomstick. The second person could then use the attached hose to suction up the dirt.
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Learn to Train Your Wife in Five Easy Lessons
The Committee for a Better America was formed for, "the suppression of radicalism, class legislation and all else inimical to the welfare of the nation."
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Wall Drug
Wall Drug, located in the town of Wall, South Dakota -- in the "middle of nowhere" -- has been attracting weary road travelers with "free ice water" since 1931.
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V8 - My heart sings
Mom is wired on Benzedrine!
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Ciltone - Make it gay...the color way
"Make it gay...the Color way"
Let your freak flag fly!
And "Ciltone?" Really?
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Compuserve -- Welcome to Someday
Apparently in the future everything is white, except for boring computer screens.
And someday, CompuServe will die a slow, painful death.
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Scootacar
The Scootacar was manufactured in the 1950s by Hunslet Engine Company, one of England’s oldest locomotive manufacturers. It was a three-wheeler that was advertised as a covered scooter and even had handle bars instead of a steering wheel.
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Poses - 1949
 "Gay, feather light, lovely as flowers and comfortable, Poses come to America to add new glamour to your dress and figure. Perfect for sports -- you'll be pretty as a picture and free as a bird in Poses!"
And they look like stuffed ravioli.
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Protecto Sanitary Bloomers
In the days before sanitary napkins, women used a variety of methods for dealing with "the curse" most of which were less than ideal. Protecto Sanitary Bloomers were made out of rubber with convenient side openings for ventilation. And only $13.50 per dozen!  Imagine going into a store and saying, "I'll take a dozen pairs of rubber bloomers please!" 
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Mickey Rooney's Star-B-Q

Mickey Rooney made over $100 million during his career, but ended up with only 18,000 at his death at 93 in 2014. As his career began to falter in the early 1980s, Mickey invested and lost most of his money in crazy restaurants like Mickey Rooney's Star-B-Q and Mickey Rooney's Weenie World.
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