Friday, August 17, 2018

A Cray Cray Email


Yo Dawg - You're Crazy

As a freelance writer with quite a few web sites, I often receive emails from people asking questions about something I've written. The following email regarding my Kachina.us web site is insane, and what's even more astonishing is that this person is able to hold down a full-time job as an executive with a major corporation. They used their company email account to contact me, so this is probably not a joke or a troll.
For context, this is what a
Hopi Scorpion Kachina "Puchkofmoktaka"
looks like.

From: [REDACTED]
Sent: Wednesday, August 15, 2018 8:11 AM
To:
[REDACTED] - Protected from spam bots and scrapers
Subject: Re: Scorpion Kachina


Ken,

I found you via Google searches about Kachinas.

Have you ever heard or seen a completely black scorpion Kachina?

I was journeying and in the stars came across a group of black scorpion Kachinas – not the dolls, but the beings themselves. They stood on two legs though not human legs.

The largest one telepathed to me… “I have a gift for you, but it could kill you. Do you want the gift?”

I said, “Yes.”

The Kachina raised his stinger up over his head and stung me.

I did die (at least at a consciousness level) and for awhile didn’t exist as I was in the void. The next thing I remember, I woke up as a baby spider egg in the belly of Grandmother Spider…along 100’s of others.

She birthed us, and we all scattered around the universe eating space and creating worm holes.

I went down a particular worm hole and ended up in the home of Buddha.

Buddha put a Buddha heart in my chest and it’s still there.

--

I do not have a drop of Native American blood in me, but have had other encounters with different Kachinas that have been just as profound.

Anyway, I have not been able to find a completely black scorpion Kachina with a large stinger that looks like what I saw and wondered if you had come across that in your travels. I see the throwing sticks, but these beings were not that. I know they were Kachinas, but they did not seem human-like as most Kachinas have been represented in art I’ve seen. Maybe they’ve never taken human form.

Anyway, I’m just trying to understand who these Kachinas are and why they and others are coming to me.

Thanks in advance for any help you can give.

Sincerely,

[REDACTED]


email I received from a crazy person

Anyone who could write something this crazy is not someone who should be antagonized, so this was my answer:

Hello [REDACTED],

There are scorpion kachinas, but (as far as I know) no all-black scorpions or others.

Regards,
Ken Padgett

Monday, August 13, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (17)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.
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 Western Electric is crossing a telephone with a TV set

Researchers were touting picture phones as early as 1930. The Picturephone was a major attraction at the AT&T Bell System pavilion at the New York World’s Fair in 1964.  AT&T introduced commercial Picturephone service in central Pittsburgh with much fanfare on July 1, 1970, but it was met with indifference. Demand peaked at 453 subscribers in early 1973 and the service was cancelled. The dream of a practical and relatively inexpensive system for video calling was finally realized in 2011, with the release of the iPhone 4 and Facetime.

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GE hair dryer

"Now, with the world's first walk 'n' talk hairdryer, home hairdrying is so easy, so fast, so convenient that you can treat yourself to a new hairstyle as often as the fancy takes you."
How does a device that dries wet hair also style hair?
The first hairdryer was invented by French stylist Alexander Godefroy 
in 1890 and consisted of a bonnet that attached to the chimney pipe of a gas stove.

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Fisher Price Happy Hour Playset

In 2016, an Instagram user shared a Photoshopped image of a “Fisher Price Happy Hour Playset.” Although most people realized the image was a joke, it set off a firestorm among those who didn't get it, with a lot of angry parents complaining to Fisher Price.

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h.i.s. -- For whom the bells toll.

The stiffs at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum are more lifelike than these guys.

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 Doan's Kidney Pills
In the 1911 edition of Nostrums and Quackery, published by the American Medical Society, it was noted that the active ingredients of  Doan’s Kidney Pills appeared to be potassium nitrate (saltpeter), pitch and oil of juniper.

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Develop your bust in 15 days

 In a strange twist of fate, women's breasts may be getting bigger now due to environmental factors such as industrial contaminants. Boobs' fatty tissue absorbs pollutants "like a pair of soft sponges."

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GE Toaster -- Spring gives you wonderful chances to make someone happier!

Show Mom just how much you love her by giving her a GE "Automatic" Toaster for Mother's Day. 

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Boeing - Here's what we mean by roomy

 Americans weren't so fat in the 1940s but now that they are, they are expected to squeeze into seats that are about half as big as these.

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The New Eugenics - Stop Worrying - Now I can tell you the true facts about sex

This book has less to do with teaching folks how to enjoy a wholesome sex life, than warning people not to have sex with unsuitable mates so they don't dilute the human species by allowing reproduction of “inferior” genetic strains.

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Bufferin

"Bufferin acts twice as fast as aspirin!  Bufferin, being antacid, opens trap door of the stomach, gets into bloodstream twice as fast as aspirin."
In 1979, the Federal Trade Commission forced Bufferin to stop claiming their product relieved pain faster.


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Nigger Boy Steel Wool Pads

Nigger Boy Steel Wool Soap Pads was one of many brands that used the word 'Nigger' to sell and promote products from the 1890s to the 1960s.

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Burdock Pills

Burdock has been a favorite medicinal herb for centuries and is used for many ailments. Dried and powdered burdock root was a folk remedy for upset stomachs and constipation in late medieval England and burdock is still being sold today as acne medicine!

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Dr. Clark Johnson's Indian Blood Syrup

Dr. Clark Johnson claimed his snake oil would cure just about everything, including constipation and diarrhea;
"Should this move the bowels too freely, reduce the dose. If not enough increase it."


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Maud Humphrey Bogart's 1900 drawing of her son

Maud Humphrey made drawings of her chubby-cheeked, infant, who became famous when he appeared in a national advertising campaign for Mellin’s baby food in 1900. Humphrey Bogart later said of his early fame, “There was a period in American history when you couldn’t pick up a goddamed magazine without seeing my kisser in it.”

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Is your washroom breeding Bolsheviks?

"Employees lose respect for a company that fails to provide decent facilities for their comfort."
Did the folks at Scott Paper really think that the use of cheap paper towels would transform workers into communists? Probably not, but they saw the potential of using the fear of communism when advertising to other large corporate customers.

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Have some fun. Beat your wife tonight

Until the 1970s, domestic violence was common and often referenced with humor in advertising.

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Chastity Belt

"Metal Construction?"
Sounds real comfy


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Jeans that turn a dude into a stud

That's Nick Nolte in the middle. These jeans may have turned him from a dude into a stud, but then his subsequent drug used turned him from a stud into a dud. 

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The Dutch Boy's Lead Party

The Dutch Boy must be hallucinating from ingesting too much lead.

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Belly-Flattener

"Boy! This sure takes me in"
Now if I could only breathe...


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United Air Lines -- For Men Only "The Chicago Executive"

From 1953 through 1970, United offered men-only ‘Executive flights’ between New York and Chicago and between Los Angeles and San Francisco. Imagine 60 men lighting up their cigars and pipes in an airplane cabin and the idea of excluding women and children starts to sound reasonable.

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Solventol -- Give Me a Good Swift Kick

Hey, she asked for it! Domestic violence is always the best response to bad housekeeping.

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Reach for a Lucky instead

The “Reach for a Lucky Instead of a Sweet” campaign began in 1928 and was very successful until threats of litigation from the candy industry successfully forced the American Tobacco Company to remove the word "Sweet" from all advertisements in the early 1930s.

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Bromo-Seltzer
Isaac E. Emerson earned a chemistry degree, then moved to Baltimore and opened up a pharmacy. Emerson noticed that his customers were always complaining of headaches, so in 1888 he developed a formula containing a class of tranquilizers called bromides that were very effective in curing headaches and relieving hangover symptoms. Unfortunately it was also toxic in large doses and the FDA banned the product in the 1980s. But the company lasted almost 100 years and amassed many millions before that happened.

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Jester Wools for Gayer Garments

 "I've robbed the Rainbow to make you Gay -- Jester Wools for Gayer Garments"
This guy didn't need to rob anything to make something gay.


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What to do in case of an air raid

 "As soon as the bombs start dropping, run like hell (it doesn't matter where, as long as you run like hell)."
During WW2, air raids were a real possibility for several big cities along the West coast, but Ratliff's Dancing Academy in San Diego showed they weren't particularly concerned about it when they published these tongue-in-cheek instructions for "What to Do in Case of an Air Raid."


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Ideal Power Washer

“Just attach it to the tap—turn on the water—and it washes the clothes” And then spills water all over the floor!

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Borden's Hemo

"Elmer's acting like a gay young blade since he's been drinking Hemo!"  Maybe they should have named it Homo?

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Maxi Massager

"10 inches of thrill and vibration...New deluxe massager reaches places you NEVER reached before...Relaxes you to the point of PURRING!"
Possessing a vibrator is actually still illegal in Alabama, with one exception: you're allowed to own one if you have a doctor's note.

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Harley-Davidson

"Lowest-priced motorcycle ever offered by Harley-Davidson. A swift, sturdy, Single, fully equipped--complete electrical system, 3-speed transmission, front and rear brakes, all conveniences." So they include an engine, transmission, electrical system and brakes -- all the conveniences. How thoughtful!
In 1903, William S. Harley and brothers Arthur and Walter Davidson founded the Harley-Davidson company out of a 10 X 15' shed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin
.