Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (14)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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White Rock - Well! What are you two up to?

"And why is that topless woman serving drinks?"
Ads for White Rock sparkling water date from 1946-48. Each ad featured the scantily clad character of Psyche getting on wives nerves and over-stimulating the menfolk before calming them all down with a drink.


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 Dr Probert's Malarial Remedy

Are these the "Before" or "After" pictures?
Dr. Probert was a physician for the United Fruit Company, an American corporation that traded in tropical fruit, grown on Central and South American plantations, and sold in the United States and Europe.


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Anacin - Housewife Headache

"Making beds, getting meals, acting as family chauffeur — having to do the same dull, tiresome work day after day — is a mild form of torture. These boring yet necessary tasks can bring on nervous tension, fatigue and what is now known as “housewife headache.”
Directions: Take two pills
every four hours and vodka on the rocks as needed.

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Canada Bea Alerte poster for Civil Defense
Bea Alerte and Justin Case were characters created for Canada's Civil Defence (Defense) in the 1950s to convince people that nuclear war was survivable.

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Ivory Soap - Shower after sports
 Homoerotic Ivory Soap - what manly men use when they shower with other men

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BICE - Bread is Life

In this BICE "Penis-Vertisment" their bread is presented like a penis with the tag "bread is life" Not sure how that works without a woman.

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Esquire Socks - Falling socks could ruin a person's whole image

Imagine how silly they'd look wearing men's garters.

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Misty Valley Winery - Squeeze me, Stomp me . . .  Make me wine

Oh, did you mean the grapes?

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Original French photos of me for you

French Postcards of scantily clad or nude women were very popular during the late 19th and early 20th century, so any mention of "French Photos" in advertising is a reference to nude pictures.

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Chuck Norris Action Jeans

Have you ever wondered, “Where does Chuck Norris get those awesome jeans he wears while kicking ass?” Well, here is your answer. Action Jeans (aka Kickin’ Jeans) were produced by Century Martial Arts from 1977 to 1991. They were originally called Kickin’ Jeans up to mid 1981, then after purchasing an endorsement from Chuck Norris, the name was changed to Action Jeans.

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kimseys improved waist lengthener

 "The hall-mark of the smartly gowned woman"
Apparently the smartly gowned woman is supposed to look like she has a bad back. This posture is what orthopedic doctors call Lumbar Lordosis.


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 Baby Alice Thumb Guard

Thumb guards were popular in the early 1900s as a way to keep babies and young children from sucking their thumbs when sleeping. A Baby Alice thumb guard was dropped on the Lindbergh's driveway the night their baby was kidnapped (1934) -- presumably by the kidnapper as he escaped, but it somehow escaped detection during police searches of the area for an entire month.

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  Sa-tan-ic Salve

The Sa-Tan-Ic Medicine and Manufacturing Company was started in Wichita, Kansas in 1915 by two druggists, W.W. Daniels and B.A. McGaugh. They decided that there was a need for a product that could clean the bowels gently, unlike the harsh and potentially deadly laxatives of the era.  Although the tonic's ingredients were a closely-guarded secret, an FDA analysis performed in 1921 concluded that it contained vegetable oil, magnesium sulphate, cascara bark extract, salicylic acid, methyl salicylate, peppermint oil, water and a trace of alcohol.

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The Snoot-Flute

This novelty music maker was like a kazoo for your nose. The Snoot-Flute was produced by PAR Beverage Corp. in Cincinnati, Ohio in the 1960s. PAR was the predecessor to Kenner Toys.

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 Longing Won`t Bring Him Back Sooner . . . Get a War Job
 
"Longing Won`t Bring Him Back Sooner . . .
Get a War Job!"
During World War II, women were encouraged to leave the home and get a job in a war industry. And just as soon as the war was over, the government resumed telling women that those jobs were for men and that they belonged at home.


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Ambition Pills

"For a long time we have hesitated to advertise Ambition Pills, fearing that this remedy might be classed with the many fraudulent preparations in the market. A single trial will convince any sufferer that we have A POSITIVE CURE for Impotency, Sleeplessness, Enlarged Veins and Nervous Debility, which include troublesome dreams, evil forebodings, losses, despondency or aversion to society, caused by overwork or other excesses."
In 1918, the Journal of the American Medical Association published preliminary findings on the contents of Ambition pills and found that each pill contained a little over one-thirtieth of a grain of strychnin and about one-fifth of a grain of iron in the form of ferric oxide. Traces of pepper, cinnamon and ginger were also found.


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Truth Dollars for Radio Free Europe
 The Crusade for Freedom was an American propaganda campaign operating from 1950–1960. Its public goal was to raise funds for Radio Free Europe, but it was designed to conceal the CIA's covert funding.

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1851- Dr T Haskell, Surgeon Dentist

The first dentures were made by attaching animal or human teeth to an ivory base. In the 1770s, the first porcelain dentures were developed. In 1851, (the same year this ad appeared in the Boston Herald) Charles Goodyear received patents for products made from vulcanite, a soft rubber material that could be easily molded and then hardened. Vulcanite soon became the material of choice for making well-fitting and comfortable dentures. In the 20th century, acrylic resin dentures were developed.

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Chase & Sanborn - If your husband ever finds out

 Chase & Sanborn's “Dome Top Can” was the only coffee container you could “Test for Freshness” and according to this ad, wives who bring home "flat, stale coffee" deserve a beating.

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You can improve your face

Is that the "Before" or "After" picture?

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His Master's Voice - Victory Talking Machine Company

Nipper (1884–1895) was born in Bristol, England, and was a mixed-breed Jack Russell Terrier. His tendency to bite the backs of visitors legs earned him the name. The image comes from a painting by English artist Francis Barraud and titled His Master's Voice. In 1899, it was purchased and adopted as a trademark by the Victor Talking Machine Company.

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Madam C.J. Walker - Preparations for the Hair

 Madam C.J. Walker (1867-1919).
After suffering from a scalp ailment that resulted in her own hair loss, she invented a line of African-American hair care products in 1905 and was one of the first American women to become a self-made millionaire.


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Spread Your Legs -- Pontiac

Pontiac's not-so-subtle inference that their back seat was large enough for sex. 

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Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound - Men Love Peppy Girls

First marketed in the US 1875, Lydia Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound was an herbal medicine used by women to relieve menstrual discomfort and menopausal symptoms.  Her original recipe contained approximately twenty percent alcohol, which she claimed was a preservative for the vegetable mixture. During Prohibition in the 1920s and 1930s, the alcohol content was raised to 40%.
In 1968, Pinkham’s Medicine Company was sold to Cooper Laboratories and they are still selling pills and liquids based off Pinkham’s original vegetable compound recipe, but without the alcohol.

 
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Aunt Esther Purses

Aunt Esther Purses have the carrying capacity of a standard backpack, and the contents are never damaged by impact with a fish-eyed fool.
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AKAI
 Consumer video cameras were the hot new gadget in the early 1970s, but they cost almost as much as a good used car at that time ($1295), so Akai came upon a perfect way to sell their machines.
"Every buyer of an AKAI portable VTR will receive a personal invitation from one of the provocative Penthouse Pets to attend a video taping session in a city near them. Sound exciting? You bet."

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Lestoil

When women are done making men's sandwiches here on Earth, they can head to the moon to do a little spring cleaning.

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doobi promises you'll never forget your keys again

 "...having a fine leather "J" stasher with a pocket for matches and bill that holds five healthy joints and has a key chain with a coke spoon and a KEY ROACH CLIP IS HAVING CLASS."
During the 1970s, ads for various kinds of drug paraphernalia appeared in major magazines. That openness created an anti-drug backlash beginning in the 1980s. Permissive attitudes quickly gave way to the mass arrest and incarceration of low-level drug users that was primarily directed at inner city blacks.


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Ayer's Cherry Pectoral

Ayer's Cherry Pectoral (1843 to 1870) promised to rapidly cure "colds, coughs, sore throat, influenza, laryngitis, quinsy, hoarseness, croup, bronchitis, asthma and catarrh" and provide relief from whooping cough and consumption. This magical elixir contained a small quantity of opioids, so even if you weren't cured you would feel a little better.

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Charles Antell Formula 9 and Shampoo

If your hair doesn't meet arbitrary standards of beauty and perfection, then maybe you should kill yourself?

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