Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Funny Vintage Ads (12)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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 Carbo-Magno

 "Carbo-Magno stimulates the scalp, nourishes the tissues, and vitalizes the hair bulbs. The head is rehaired by an antiseptic vapor from our patent Hat Sheath, worn in the hat."
Sounds simple enough, but if the hair in the picture is an example of the results from this "snake-oil" you might want to reconsider. 

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 Record Briefs
Wow! Only $3.97 for a record and 6 pairs of granny panties. Who could resist?

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 Buck Rogers 25th Century Caster
 This kit allowed kids to cast their own lead figures. It couldn't be sold these days, because exposure to lead poses serious health issues, especially for young children.

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 Hostess Sno-Balls -- America's No.1 Glamour Gal!
Hey Sugar!
Nice snow balls.

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 Slave Reward 1858
1858 - "$100 Reward. Ranaway from the subscriber's farm near Washington, on the 11th of October, negro woman SOPHIA GORDON, about 24 years of age, rather small in size, of copper color, is tolerably good looking, has a low and soft manner of speech." For historians, fugitive slave ads are an ironic source of details about the lives of slaves who might otherwise be lost to history.

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 Pratt's Healing Ointment
 If you're sleeping with your horse, you might develop some skin problems. The Pratt Food Company was founded in 1872 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and made patent medicines from poultry.

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 Figure Shaper
 "If these are your problem areas" then you are obsessing over your body image.

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 Mammalia Americana
"New trophy room conversation piece to illustrate the high points of your best adventure story." Dinner jacket, and pipe not included. Decorum definitely not included.

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 Sally's Gay With Midol

Wow, instant lesbian pills. What will they think of next?

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 Lord & Taylor's Bathing Suits

 Are they dressed for the beach or a ski trip? No one could possibly swim in those things.
In the 19th century, people who wanted to go swimming in public had to wear bathing costumes that covered nearly as much skin as their regular clothing.

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 Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce
Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce was first created by the Worcester chemists John Wheeley Lea and William Henry Perrins. They devised the recipe in the 1830's when Lord Sandys - a nobleman of the area - was eager to recreate an exciting taste he had acquired on his travels to Bengal. Imported in 1839 by New York businessman John Duncan, Lea & Perrins is the oldest commercially bottled condiment in the U.S.

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 For Father's day a necktie for the Fuehrer

The last time the United States issued war bonds was during World War II, when full employment collided with rationing, and war bonds were seen as a way to remove money from circulation, reduce inflation and finance the war.

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 Black Skin Remover - A Wonderful Face Bleach 
This ad is from the 1890s but skin-lightening; using chemical products to achieve a lighter skin tone, is a global phenomenon currently worth about $10 billion. The practice of whitening skin is common in places where slavery and racism have deep roots, but it also thrives in places where you wouldn't think skin color was an important issue. The World Health Organization says that more than 77 percent of women in Nigeria bleach their skin, while 40 percent of women in China, Malaysia, the Philippines, and the Republic of Korea say they have used skin lightening products.

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 Amy doesn't need to douche, but she knows I love apricots. 

Amy doesn't need to douche, because vaginas are self-cleaning wonders; they don’t require soaps, douches and sprays, and they don't need flavors or perfumes. This guy is a douche, so tell him to have sex with apricots if he likes them so much.

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 1789 Lorillard Tobacco Advertisement 
Pierre Abraham Lorillard (1742 – 1776) was a tobacconist of French descent who lived in New York City. In 1760, he founded the business which eventually became the Lorillard Tobacco Company; the oldest tobacco merchant in the world. Testifying under oath before Congress in 1994, Lorillard's CEO Andrew Tisch said that he didn't believe that nicotine is addictive, nor that cigarette smoking causes cancer.

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 Carhart & Brother Coffee - "De missus won't hab nuthin' else"
 "De missus won't hab nuthin' else"Until the late 1950s, minstrel show blackface dialect was a staple of advertising that included images of blacks.

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 Shatter-Proof Eyeglasses Tested
This ad would have readers believe that the glasses were hit with a hammer while being worn. It's obvious that's not even the "Subject's" hand holding the hammer.

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 Kinsman's Asthmatic Cigarettes
Throughout the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries, the inhalation of fumes from burning preparations of stramonium, lobelia, tobacco, and potash was very popular among asthmatics. Doctors had nothing else to recommend for the treatment of asthma until the development of inhaled bronchodilators in the 1940s.

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How to Pick Up Girls - book
 In 1970, Eric Weber self-published his book, "How to Pick Up Girls."  Ads claimed it was, “So effective it should be declared illegal!" and it eventually sold more than 3 million copies. In 1978, "How to Pick Up Girls" was made into a film starring Desi Arnaz Jr.

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 Gasper oral or nasal snow ingester 

This ad for a cocaine accessory from the 1970s claims, "the natives of S. America used hollow reeds to blow the power down each others throats." In fact, the natives never used powered cocaine as a drug. They chewed coca leaves.

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 Maxwell House - Golly, Mis Maria
You jus' can't help havin' a friendly feelin' when your coffee is being served by two butlers in blackface.

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 Jockey -- they keep their fit 

Junior just got his concealed carry license.
In 1955, Jockey Briefs ran an ad campaign featuring young boys shoving guns into their underwear.

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 Paul Hornung for Marlboro
Paul Hornung, the 1956 Heisman Trophy winner and star halfback of the Green Bay Packers, enjoyed puffing on Marlboro cigarettes after a tough day on the field.

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 Dr Thomas’ Eclectric Oil

This was a patent medicine originally formulated by Dr. S.N. Thomas of Phelps, New York in the late 1840s. It contained spirits of turpentine, camphor, oil of tar, red thyme and specially processed fish oil. Dr. Thomas’ Eclectric Oil claimed to cure ailments such as toothache in 5 minutes, backache in 2 hours, deafness in 2 days, and coughs in 20 minutes.

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 Movyland Studios - miniature monkey

In an interesting twist on the "Monkey by Mail" comic book ads of the 1950s, this ad was placed by a mail order photo finishing company in Iowa called Movyland Studios. In order to win a miniature monkey, you had to distribute 20 coupons for Movyland's services and those 20 people also had to place a minimum order for photo enlargements with the company. The Federal Trade Commission got involved in 1960, and discovered that the company had never awarded a prize. An official Cease and Desist Letter was eventually issued.

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Cannon Towels -- What, no bath salts?

What? No privacy? Who doesn't want to take showers with grinning soldiers leering at you? This erotic campaign of playful, half-naked men ran in Life magazine.

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 Make it Merry - Make it Mojud

"A word to every Santa from Portland to Atlanta! To make the lady's Christmas Merry, give her Mojud stockings. The stockings with Magic-Motion . . . extra "give" and spring-back in the knit."
Santa seems pretty happy about getting an eyeful.


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Absinthe Robette

This example of "Affiche Artistique" (poster art) is titled Absinthe Robette, and was published in 1896. The artist, Henri Privat-Livemont was born in Schaerbeek, Brussels, Belgium in 1861.

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The Casket Cigarettes - The Height of Perfection

 Truth in Advertising?

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Cole of California - How to put your best foot forward
 Those boys are a little young to be leering at a model in a bathing suit.
In 1925, Fred Cole, a former silent-film star, founded Cole of California. The company began as a swimwear division of his family’s West Coast Manchester Knitting Mills, which made men’s long knit underwear. Fred introduced high fashion into bathing suit de­signs and he built Cole of California into a $5 million annual business with 2,000 retail outlets in the US and abroad.

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