Thursday, November 16, 2017

Funny Vintage Ads (6)

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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It's a Life Sized Walking Boobie

"Wind it up and watch it do its thing! It's gotta be seen to be believed"
Hollywood Mail Order Corp was a subsidiary of Fredrick's of Hollywood, started by Frederick Mellinger (inventor of the push-up bra) in 1947.


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Crowds Breed Contagion

"How many "Typhoid Marys" are in this crowd?...In every crowd there are almost certainly several "carriers" of disease germs...You know Lifebuoy is a health soap by its wholesome, pungent odor."  

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The Kodak Camera

in 1888, the KODAK camera was invented and marketed with the slogan, "You press the button - we do the rest." The first Brownie Camera was introduced in 1900. It sold for $1 and used film that cost 15 cents a roll. For the first time, the hobby of photography was within the financial reach of nearly everyone. 

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 I said stop and he did 

 The nerve of that guy! He actually thinks "No" means "No" and stopped when I told him. Doesn't he realize that when a woman says stop she really wants you to steal "second base?"

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Stop Mouth Breathing

What do you think are the causes of an early grave? Fatty foods, smoking, lack of exercise? Nope, it’s mouth breathing! So knock it off already! The Perfect Breather permanently solves your snoring and eliminates "flabby facial muscles, double chin, protruding and unshapely lips, etc."

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Homer and Jethro for Kelloggs Corn Flakes

 In the 1960s the American country music duo Homer and Jethro became spokesmen for Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and appeared in a series of zany commercials. Homer and Jethro were the stage names of  Henry D. "Homer" Haynes (1920–1971) and Kenneth C. "Jethro" Burns (1920–1989).

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Dr. Kilmer's Herbal Remedies
Dr. Kilmer & Co., was founded in the 1870s in Binghamton, New York. The company was one of the first firms to advertise nationally. Due to their questionable ingredients and extravagant therapeutic claims, proprietary medicines such as Dr. Kilmer's were targeted by the National Food and Drug Act of 1906.

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Polaris Nuclear Sub

"How proud you will be as commander of your own POLARIS SUB -- the most powerful weapon in the world!
Sturdily constructed of 200 lb. test fibreboard. Because of the POLARIS SUB'S giant size we must ask for 75 cents shipping charges."
How many kids took their Polaris sub out to the middle of a lake, only to find that it did the diving part just fine, but not the maneuvering
and surfacing part?

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Genuine Mink Keyhole Cover

Tired of groping under a darkened dashboard, trying to find that elusive ignition lock? With this genuine mink keyhole cover, you can find it in a flash, every time!

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Methedrine

In the 1950s, legally manufactured tablets of both dextroamphetamine (Dexedrine) and methamphetamine (Methedrine) became readily available and were used non-medically by people in all walks of life. Amphetamines became a cure-all for such things as weight control to treating mild depression. However, as use of amphetamines spread, so did their abuse.

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Toby the sapient pig

In the early 19th century, Nicholas Hoare, an illusionist, exhibited "Toby the sapient pig" in London. Toby could "discover a person’s thoughts", a skill "never heard of before to be exhibited by an animal of the swine race". Around 1817 Toby also published an autobiography, The life and adventures of Toby, the sapient pig: with his opinions on men and manners. Written by himself.

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How Mother and Baby Picked Up -- Blatz

 “How Mother and Baby 'Picked Up.'  A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and the hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic. Blatz Milwaukee. Always the same good old Blatz.”
And what could be better for your baby than downing a couple of beers before breast feeding?


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Honeymoon Charm Drops

 "Bewitch, allure and captivate with this rare, stimulating fragrance. Just one drop of this secret aroma will endure for hours and will add a more thrilling, irresistible charm to you! ALSO FREE PERSONAL DIRECTIONS tell you HOW to use if you want to win love."
Sounds like "Honeymoon Charm" is a euphemism for "I'm ready for sex."
Why not save your time and money, and just say so?


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Nothing does it like Sever-Up!

In the 1950s, Seven-Up launched a campaign bragging that 7Up had the youngest consumers in the business. And it even suggested mixing the sugary soda with milk. 7Up was the brainchild of Charles Leiper Grigg from Missouri, who during the early 1900s was one of the pioneers in the ad and sales industries. After a few failed tries at making beverages, he decided to focus on citrus flavors, and by 1929 he had created 7Up.
 
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I'll learn Yez - Kelloggs Toasted Corn Flakes
Don't mess with cooks. Ever. And don't you dare buy that dreadful cereal called "Substitute" over Corn Flakes.
Kellogg's Toasted Corn Flakes was first created by John Harvey Kellogg in 1894 as a food that he thought would be healthy for the patients of his Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan.

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Lady Mustache

"I had a difficult problem of ugly superfluous hair on face and limbs. I was discouraged -- unloved. Tried many different products, but nothing was satisfactory. Then I developed a simple, painless, inexpensive method. It worked and brought me happiness. I have helped thousands seeking a more pleasing appearance free of that ugly, noticeable, unwanted hair. My FREE book, "How to Overcome the Superfluous Hair Problem", explains the method and proves actual success. Mailed in plain envelope."


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Bilingual notice in English and Cherokee - 1828

This is a bilingual notice in English and Cherokee stating that William McConnell will no longer pay the debts of his wife Delilah McConnell because she has left him. Published in the "Cherokee Phoenix", New Echota, Georgia in 1828.The Cherokee Phoenix was the first newspaper published by Native Americans in the United States and the first published in a Native American language.

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Invisible Space Helmet

"Cosmic Vision Principle"
"Amazing invention gives you perfect vision from within -- but cannot let anyone look thru at you. Same idea now being used by FBI and police to secretly watch suspects and prisoners and at schools to observe children."
Wait, so people will think you're "invisible" by the sheer fact that nobody can see your face? How is that different from any other mask?


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Your Sugar Ration is 2 lbs per Month

During WW2, when the Japanese conquered the Philippines in the early months of 1942, the United States lost a major source of sugar imports. Also, shipments from Hawaii and Central and South America had to be curtailed 50 percent as cargo vessels were diverted for military purposes. So to ensure adequate supplies, sugar became the first food item to be rationed.

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Maytag Electric Washer

 "Sensible -- No matter the cost -- no matter the purpose --nothing else could be more sensible, or more appreciated by the bride than a Maytag Electric Washer, with Swinging Reversible Wringer."Maytag was founded in 1893 by businessman Frederick Maytag. They briefly tried making cars before focusing on the home appliance business. Maytag's first washing machine, the "Pastime" was produced in 1905, and the brand is still around as part of Whirlpool Corporation

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It's too pretty for my red dishwashy hands


 Jeeze lady, dial it back a little. Either get a dishwasher, buy rubber gloves, or stop complaining about your hands. Having dishwashy hands is nothing to be ashamed about at all. Besides, your husband doesn’t care how your hands look when the rest of you looks like you're in your fifties already, and it's only your first anniversary.

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Eye-Catching Buttocks Instantly!

"The world has never seen briefs like these: Ingeniously designed pads discreetly "build-up" your rear ... center stitch  seams ... "eye popping" cleavage ...  bottom band lifts and thrusts ... everything acts together to show off your new perfectly proportioned buttocks."

 
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 Miss Annie Oakley - The Peerless Lady Wing - Shot

Annie Oakley was born Phoebe Ann (Annie) Mosey in Ohio, on August 13, 1860. She married traveling show marksman Frank E. Butler in 1882 after beating him in a marksmanship contest and they traveled the country together performing in shows as Annie Oakley and Frank Butler.  Later Frank became her manager and they joined Buffalo Bill's Wild West Show in 1885. At five feet tall, Oakley was given the nickname of "Little Sure Shot" by fellow performer Sitting Bull.

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Methadone

Methadone was developed in 1937 in Germany by scientists working for I.G. Farbenindustrie AG who were looking for a synthetic opioid to solve Germany's opium shortage problem. Methadone also helps reduce cravings and withdrawal symptoms caused by opiate use, but some addicts treated with methadone complain that it's not a cure and that swapping drugs simply morphs the addiction from heroin to methadone.

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The Sons of Liberty Broadside - 1765

 The Sons of Liberty was organized in the summer of 1765 as a means to protest the passing of the Stamp Act. Their motto was, “No taxation without representation.”
Their most notable act was was the
Boston Tea Party of December 16, 1773, which ultimately led to the outbreak of the Revolutionary War.

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Never Give a Germ a Break!

This vintage WW2 poster was created by the Office of War Information, Domestic Operations Branch, Bureau of Special Services. (03/09/1943 - 09/15/1945).
Over 70 years later, surveys show that one in four people still fail to cover their mouth in public when they cough or sneeze.


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Battle Creek Sanitarium

The Battle Creek Sanitarium began in 1854 as the Western Health Reform Institute, based on the visionary ideas of the Seventh-day Adventist church.  The institution, and the health reform ideas taught there, were brought to international prominence by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg.
In 1880, Dr. Kellogg hired his brother, Will Keith (W.K.) Kellogg (1860-1951), as his bookkeeper and business manager. Among his various duties, W.K. Kellogg assisted his brother in food experiments. The brothers developed the first corn flake cereal, but it was W. K. Kellogg who saw the potential of combining the cereal with milk for a quick, nutritious breakfast alternative. He was also a pioneer in mass marketing of the product to the public as Kellogg's Corn Flakes.


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Juleps Cigarettes

 "Switch to Juleps and smoke all you want! Your mouth doesn't get smoke-weary! Your throat doesn't get that harsh hacking feeling! Your breath avoids tobacco taint!"

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The Comfort Belt and Supporter

Garters have been used since before the 14th century, and both men and women used garters to hold up their stockings. As dress hemlines got shorter and shorter over the years, women began wearing garter belts around their waists so their garters wouldn't show. Today, many ice hockey players still wear a form of a garter to prevent their socks from falling down.

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Kaiser Mustache Trainer

A mustache trainer could whip the unruliest of handlebars into shape. This 1901 version pays homage to the famous cookie duster of Kaiser Wilhelm II.

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