Friday, November 10, 2017

Some More Funny Vintage Ads

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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gap-osis

"A pretty thing she is. Dances well...wears cute clothes...manages to look beguiling in the latest hair-do. But the current apple of her eye is upset."
"Is it a gap in her character? No! It's a gap in her waistline..."gap-osis.""


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Car Chics

 "Yes, whether you're young or old, married or single, here's a girl friend that'll be the talk of the neighborhood -- and especially the guys and chicks." They'll wonder why you have a disembodied head staring out your back window

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Johnson's Digestive Tablets

Indigestion, or dyspepsia, was so common in the United States at the end of the 19th century that it was referred to as America’s “national disease.” In 1887, the company that would later be called Johnson & Johnson came out with Papoid tablets that contained extracts of papaya enzymes. 

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Willie the Penguin for Kool Cigarettes

Beginning in 1933, Brown & Williamson began selling menthol cigarettes with the brand name “Kool”. An anthropomorphic cartoon penguin was an ideal mascot to call attention to the “cooling” sensation of Kool menthol cigarettes. Willie was used to advertise Kool from 1934 until 1960.

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Rastus for Cream of Wheat

"Rastus" has been used as a generic, often derogatory, name for black men at least since 1880. Frank L. White was born about 1867 in Barbados, came to the U.S. in 1875 and became a citizen in 1890. He worked as a chef in a Chicago restaurant and in 1893, he became the model for Rastus, the smiling chef on Cream of Wheat boxes. Rastus was included on all boxes and advertisements for Cream of Wheat and continues to be used today with only very slight changes.  

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O. J. Dingo

"Boots have to look great -- but they also have to be made for whatever you're going to be doing in them." No doubt that third leg comes in handy when you're running from the law.

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Family of Morons

"It has often been said that the average American family has a depressingly low mentality, and will respond -- in politics, in entertainment, and in advertising -- only to the crudest most exaggerated appeals...Young & Rubicam has ample proof that this average American responds to advertising that respects his intelligence and appeals to him on that level"
 Yeah, well the 2016 election of Donald Trump as president is proof that appeals to fear, ignorance and bigotry, are far more powerful.

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The Acme Mustache Guard

"The Acme Mustache Guard. Solid comfort while eating. No use for napkins - does not interfere with use of mouth. Made of gold or silver plate. Everyone should have one!"
18th Century men used waxes, greases and fats to keep their mustaches in place. It was bad enough having that smell right under your nose, but it also got in the way of eating and drinking because heat would cause the waxes and fats to melt.  

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Harness Electric Corsets

"By wearing these perfectly designed Corsets the most awkward figure becomes graceful and elegant, the internal organs are speedily strengthened. THE CHEST IS AIDED IN ITS HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT."
The Electric Corset was sold by Cornelius Bennett Harness, proprietor of the Ammoniaphone. His Medical Battery Company’s main product was the ‘electropathic’ belt, which contained zinc and copper plates that were somehow supposed to generate a health-giving current.


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 GE Bathroom Sunlamp

In 1893, Niels Finsen studied the effects of natural sunlight and artificial lights on skin. He later discovered that certain wavelengths of light can generate healing properties.
Since then, sunlamps have been used to treat skin disorders, burns, sleep disorders, neonatal jaundice and even some psychiatric disorders.


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Coca-Cola - The Ideal Brain Tonic

It is well-known that Coca-Cola originally contained small amounts of coca extract. In the late 1800s many patent medicines contained coca and other opiates, but by 1900 the dangers of opiates were becoming clear. Coca-Cola couldn't eliminate the coca and still keep their patent on the formula, but by 1902 it was reduced to as little as 1/400 of a grain of cocaine per ounce of syrup. Coca-Cola didn’t become completely cocaine-free until 1929, but there was scarcely any of the drug left in the drink by then.


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Falsies

Falsies are padding for use in a brassiere to create the appearance of larger breasts. Falsies made of foam rubber first became available in the 1930s, shortly after the introduction of the modern brassiere. And the desire for for a fuller bosom continues unabated. Almost all bras today come with padding and breast enlargement is now the second-most popular cosmetic surgery operation, after liposuction.

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Brooks Appliance

 "It has an Automatic Air Cushion which softly yet securely holds the rupture in any position. No steel springs or pads.  No salves or plasters. Durable. cheap. Sent on trial to prove it. Beware of imitations."
 The first really effective and safe operation for rupture was devised by Dr. Edward Earle Shouldice of Toronto in 1945.

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Remote Control Channel Changer

"The channel changer not only changes the channels but also turns the television off or on . . . all with one switch." What, no volume control? And so began the obesity epidemic in America!

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Bottle Buddy

This kid is too old to be drinking from a bottle. Any baby who can sit up by himself, hold his head up, and open his mouth for a spoon is ready to begin using a sippy cup. And certainly by 12 months of age, most babies have the coordination and hand skills needed to hold a cup and drink from it.

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Curves of Youth

Worried about a double chin? Professor Eugene Mack’s Chin Reducer and Beautifier will eliminate and efface double chins, and give your skin the resiliency and freshness of youth; all while reducing “enlarged glands.” 

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Men of Action

"They double as sensational swim trunks!
White, Black, Nude. (Word of warning. White, when wet becomes transparent)"


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Beer before bed

 "Mother Knows Best." ~ Instead of cookies and milk before bedtime, why not let baby crack open a cold one? And don't forget Mom and Dad too!

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How to hypnotize

 "Want the thrill of imposing your will over someone? Of making someone do exactly what you order? Try hypnotism!"
 Men who sent away for this were probably more interested in something besides making young women cluck like a chicken.

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Body Beautiful System

Here is the “Body Beautiful System 5 Minute Shaper” with over 100 soft latex “shaping tips.” The ad is quite vague about how this device actually works, but it's apparently "weight loss via orgasm."


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Less than $900 puts you in your own popcorn business

"6 SQUARE FEET of floor space -- all that you need to start selling" Well, that and electricity to run the popper, and lots of foot traffic.
"$150 per Week Clear Profit" but only if you are "aggressive."


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The Chore Girl

 The Metal Textile Corporation was founded in 1922 by Barclay and Russell Kingman for the development of various applications of knit metal mesh. "The Chore Girl" was invented in 1926.

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Chlorodent

The Chlorodent marketing department specialized in condescending remarks like this one: “No Halloween mask scares off a man as much as ‘morning mouth.'” Capitalizing on women’s insecurities, Chlorodent urges anyone with the dreaded morning mouth to use the product before they are dumped for extreme halitosis.

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Float-ees

 Making it to adulthood without learning to swim can be quite embarrassing. You can’t very well put on some water-wings or a rubber ducky inner-tube. Float-ees is the solution! "Also can be worn by women with their own swim suit bra."

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Kids need the energy candy gives
Once upon a time candy was not the unhealthy villain it is viewed today but an “essential” nutrient. Through the first half of the 20th century, sweets and  sugar were deemed essential to health -- good tasting and good for you. In fact, during WWII it was sanctioned by the government as part of the 7 essential food groups.

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Injectable Whole Opium

 "From the juice of the poppy
Pantopon contains only the active principles of opium refined, water soluble, injectable -- no inactive constituents to be separated out."
Displayed in the American Journal of Surgery for readers to purchase, this injectable opium ad promises ‘dependable pain relief’ among other health benefits. This 1940s ad states that the product is "bound to please you."

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You can make big money entertaining the public 

"No other business pays such large returns for the little effort required. We furnish complete outfits. The work is easy, strictly high-class and any man can operate the outfit by following our instructions."
Apparently, no actual talent is required either.

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Put on Airs with Blow Ups

 "Have fun -- pick your bust size, and blow up this cute curve-maker to just the look you like. Non skid elastic..."
The inflatable bra was introduced in 1952, with expandable air pockets that would help every woman achieve "the perfect contour."

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Famous Artist Course

 In 1948 Albert Dorne created a correspondence school for art. He recruited eleven other very well-known artists and illustrators, including Norman Rockwell, to found the Famous Artists School. The other founding members included John Atherton, Austin Briggs, Stevan Dohanos, Robert Fawcett, Peter Helck, Fred Ludekens, Al Parker, Ben Stahl, Harold von Schmidt and Jon Whitcomb.

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Reduce Your Flesh 

Dr. Jeanne Walter patented a rubber bandage in 1904. Later she invented a two-piece rubber suit of undergarments designed to retain perspiration and heat for therapeutic purposes. By 1909 this had developed into a full-body garment that was supposed to compress all your extra flesh into a svelte figure. Walter then developed other specialized garments for different parts of the body – a brassiere to reduce large busts, leg wraps to create slender ankles, a beer-gut reducer for men, and a Chin and Neck Reducer

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