Sunday, October 1, 2017

Even More Funny Vintage Ads

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.


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Vinyl shower hood

Protects hairdo and face from shower spray, because you wouldn't want to ruin that make-up.


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She's about to lose her back seat driver

 "Don't be a loser. Use Head & Shoulders...the winner." Coming from a guy dressed in that jacket, you have no room to talk, buddy. She’s an attractive gal, so try staring at her butt instead of the back of her head, and be thankful for what you’ve got.


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AB hancer

The Ab Hancer is a quick and easy way to give yourself a nice set of abs in minutes, without the work out.
It is light weight, easy to hide under your clothing, and dramatically enhances your abs!


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War Surplus Gas Masks

Real Gas Masks that originally cost $2.50. This great toy value makes you look like a man from Mars, Fine for spraying paint, insecticides, etc. Has big plastic, shatterproof goggles, intake and exhaust valves, filtering cannister, etc. Be the first among your play mates to own one.

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Dila-Therm

Prostatitis is the inflammation of the prostate gland and it can really hurt, but the Dila-Therm cure may be worse than the disease. The DILA-THERM Company Inc. was formed in 1941 and sued by the FTC in 1949 for false advertising.

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Clark's Thinning Bath Salts
 Superfluous Tissue Melts Away!
"This method of combating all tendency to fat formation is the one practised by beautiful French women, who add to their customary bath some Sel Amaigrissant Clarks. The action of these Salts is to melt the superfluous fat, and to draw it naturally away through the pores. No massage or drugs required -- just an ordinary hot bath and Clark's Thinning Bath Salts."

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Massosein

 "To Strengthen the Breasts.
Only one treatment yields lasting results. Massosein Super and Star exercises a toning action on the muscular fibrils and the mammary glands -- it quickly opens the collapsed breasts and develops the insufficient breasts."


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Woman invents dimple machine

 Isabella Gilbert must have spent a significant portion of her life distressed over her lack of dimples, because in 1936 she invented this spring-loaded contraption that promised to "make a fine set of dimples" by pressing a pair of knobs into the cheeks. The American Medical Association argued that the “Dimple Maker” would not make dimples or even enlarge original dimples. They also stated that prolonged use of the device might actually cause cancer.


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good sense corset waists

Ferris Brothers introduced a brand of children’s and women’s corsets called Ferris Good Sense Waists. These corsets were considered healthier and more progressive than the traditional corsets for girls and young women because they did not cinch in the waistline too tightly and, for the most part, they abandoned the custom of using whale bone or steel stays that actually did harm to developing bodies. The development of rubberized elastic materials in 1911 helped the girdle replace the corset.

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Milton Hershey was the first to make milk chocolate commercially, with mass production techniques, and using fresh milk. Hershey's classic maroon color paper wrapper was introduced about 1902 and described the contents as "A Nutritious Convection" and “More Sustaining Than Meat.” Print advertisements called the chocolate “A Meal in Itself”

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I could feel his eyes accusing me

This vintage gem for the drain cleaner Drano used that awkward ‘I just clogged the toilet’ feeling to successfully sell their product. In this ad, a wife can feel her husband’s eyes accusing her of jamming the drains. ‘He’d look at me as if to say, “Your fault!” And it was.’


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dr scott's electric girdle for men

Dr. George Augustus Scott, was a prolific advertiser of "electric" quack products in late nineteenth century America. Scott marketed electric plasters, insoles, rheumatic rings, shoulder braces, throat protectors, nerve and lung invigorators, body belts, wrist bands, sciatic appliances, anklets, leg appliances, and many other products. These devices were made by the Pall Mall Electric Association and extremely popular with consumers for several years until they were superseded by other quack products from competing companies.

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 Fairy Soap

Turning blacks white with soap or paint was a common advertising theme circa 1890 -- 1930s.
Nathaniel Kellogg Fairbanks was born in Sodus, New York County in 1829 and moved to Chicago after the Civil War where he created a business importing cottonseed oil and processing the manufacturing of soaps. His most popular product was Fairy Soap which was named from the first four letters of Fairbanks last name.
A recent Chinese advertisement portrays a laundry detergent as so strong it can wash away the skin color of a black man. The ad features a woman luring her black boyfriend into a laundry room, sneakily popping a detergent capsule in his mouth, shoving him head first into the washer, and sitting on the lid until the spin cycle has completed its race-altering alchemy.


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I Take One Everywhere I Take My Penis

It’s better than what your parents used and it works during the day as well as the night! Of course “it” is still a blast.
This poster was created in 1993 for a Seattle area campaign against AIDS


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heavy where she has to take the strain

It's hard to tell what this advertisement was for, (some sort of construction equipment?) but the back view of a naked and voluptuous female was supposed to attract the male audience.

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Dr Blosser's Medical Cigarettes

Dr Blosser's Medical Cigarettes didn't contain tobacco, but crushed and dried herbs. Government chemists found the cigarettes were composed of chamomile, anise, cubeb, and pepper. Such plants contained an alkaloid called Atropine that causes mild bronchodilation, and made breathing easier. Indian Hemp and Cannabis are were also included in some brands.

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Mattel's new M-16 Marauder

Mattel's M-16 Marauder was a full sized replica of the real thing. When you cocked the rifle and pulled the trigger the Marauder let loose the sound of machine gun fire. The more you cocked the gun, the longer the burst.
There is nothing about this "gun" that identifies it as a toy. In 1992, the US Department of Commerce prohibited the manufacture, sale, or shipping of toy firearms unless they have an orange tip or are entirely brightly colored.

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Glamour Bonnet

 "Not a deep-sea diver, but a beauty-parlor patron in the vacuum helmet," reads the ad for the Glamour Bonnet. This bonnet lowers atmospheric pressure around the face; promising a rosy, youthful complexion while your brain is damaged from a lack of oxygen.

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Danderine

 "Intended to Assist in Cleansing Dandruff from the Scalp, thus Aid in Stopping Falling Hair and Assisting the Growth of Hair."
Danderine Scalp Tonic was first marketed around 1895 by the Knowlton Danderine Company of Chicago, Ill. Danderine was mostly alcohol, with glycerin, boric acid and resorcin (the anti-dandruff part of the formula), salicylic acid (aspirin), capsicum (pepper), and apparently cantharidin, a potentially lethal chemical that's infamously known as "Spanish Fly."

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Contains:
No Artificial flavors
No Artificial Colors
No Preservatives
No Nothing

And it's gluten free! From 1947, Bernard actually sold many dehydrated foods, canned foods, dietetic products, and other products meant for institutional or restaurant food use. They were also one of the first companies to use an artificial sweetener in a baking mix.


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Bradley Group Showers

"Why did we put our heads together
To Save Money!"

For pure and unadulterated homoerotic voyeurism, what could be a better hotbed of hormones than a bunch of virile young men in the buff vigorously showering together. Not sure how putting their heads together saved them money, but they look happy so let's not judge.

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Hear Muffs

 “Hear Muffs don’t look like headphones, they look more like a giant fuzzy doughnut with a bite missing. And they don’t feel like headphones; your head doesn’t get clamped – it gets cradled. You rest on a soft cushion, not a lump of steel and plastic.” 
Hear Muffs were invented by Stephen Hanson of Downers Grove, Illinois. They were headphones encased in a wraparound foam pillow, that came with a washable velour cover. Just what a swinging single needs in the sack.

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 Is Peter Pain beating your head with a sap? Rub Ben-Gay on it. But wait, why would you put Ben-Gay on your head?
Bengay was developed in France by Dr. Jules BenguΓ©, and brought to America in 1898. It contains Methyl salicylate, which can be toxic when large doses are administered, and it can also be used to remove chewing gum from clothing.

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Play Guitar Like the Cowboys Do

 "Just out -- very latest guaranteed, simple, easy method. Play cowboy songs the Western way in a few minutes by ear. Surprise and amaze your friends. Be in big demand at parties, camps, public entertainments, on the radio, etc. 12 Complete Lessons."
"Send No Money...Nothing else to buy."
But, what about the guitar?


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Free Bomber Trip to Berlin

 Rationing was part of life on the US Home Front during World War II. Along with gasoline, sugar, coffee, processed foods, meat, and cheese—fats and oils were rationed. The American Fat Salvage Committee was created to urge housewives to save all the excess fat rendered from cooking and donate it to the army to produce explosives. Since meats, oils, and butter were all rationed, women had to re-use fat for frying as often as possible before collecting it in a can and turning it in.

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 Come out of the bone age
  Back in the dark ages of women's lingerie, many under-garments were fitted with stiffeners to make certain areas either perky or flatter. They were originally made from strips of bone, and would poke the wearer in indelicate and uncomfortable places. Eventually the bones were made of spring steel, which poked even harder.
This ad is touting the company's pioneering use of something called "springlets" which evidently were less likely to inflict fashion torture.
But why is the caveman wearing Roman sandals? And why is the woman talking on the phone?


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Jello and turkey

Don't know what to do with turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce leftovers? Just cram everything into a jello mold and call it cran-turkey Jello!

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Toilet Paper Box

 This is an early paper dispenser for public toilets. It claims "Enormous economy, effecting a saving in paper of 50 per cent" because "Only one sheet at a time can be withdrawn from the Box, the Paper being folded by a patented process." And for your additional comfort, "The Paper is absolutely antiseptic, being sanitised  with Jeyes' Fluid, which is a specific for Piles."

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freckle remover

Most of the popular freckle removers contained mercury compounds. Some of these products were produced in double and triple strength formulations, with levels of mercury compounds that reached 10-15% or more. In the 1940s, after the introduction of the 1938 Food, Drugs and Cosmetics Act, the FDA moved to reduce the levels of mercury compounds to 5% or less.

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Think of her as your mother 

 Think of her as your mother. Like when she tells you sit up straight and put away your computer, or when she says you can't have another drink or any more snacks.
"This is not just maternal instinct. It’s the result of the longest Stewardess training in the industry. Training in service, not just a beauty course."

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Disco Brief
"Disco the night away in this sheer nylon, light-as-a-feather, peek-a-boo brief. A super-styled muscle hugger gives you super support for that super sexy disco feeling."
Many gay clubs used to have underwear nights where you could just wear underwear in the club. Most of the underwear worn on those nights was designed to show off the naughty bits.

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