Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Some More Funny Vintage Ads

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.

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gap-osis

"A pretty thing she is. Dances well...wears cute clothes...manages to look beguiling in the latest hair-do. But the current apple of her eye is upset."
"Is it a gap in her character? No! It's a gap in her waistline..."gap-osis.""


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Car Chics

 "Yes, whether you're young or old, married or single, here's a girl friend that'll be the talk of the neighborhood -- and especially the guys and chicks." They'll wonder why you have a disembodied head staring out your back window

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Johnson's Digestive Tablets

Indigestion, or dyspepsia, was so common in the United States at the end of the 19th century that it was referred to as America’s “national disease.” In 1887, the company that would later be called Johnson & Johnson came out with Papoid tablets that contained extracts of papaya enzymes. 

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Willie the Penguin for Kool Cigarettes

Beginning in 1933, Brown & Williamson began selling menthol cigarettes with the brand name “Kool”. An anthropomorphic cartoon penguin was an ideal mascot to call attention to the “cooling” sensation of Kool menthol cigarettes. Willie was used to advertise Kool from 1934 until 1960.

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Rastus for Cream of Wheat

"Rastus" has been used as a generic, often derogatory, name for black men at least since 1880. Frank L. White was born about 1867 in Barbados, came to the U.S. in 1875 and became a citizen in 1890. He worked as a chef in a Chicago restaurant and in 1893, he became the model for Rastus, the smiling chef on Cream of Wheat boxes. Rastus was included on all boxes and advertisements for Cream of Wheat and continues to be used today with only very slight changes.  

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O. J. Dingo

"Boots have to look great -- but they also have to be made for whatever you're going to be doing in them." No doubt that third leg comes in handy when you're running from the law.

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Family of Morons

"It has often been said that the average American family has a depressingly low mentality, and will respond -- in politics, in entertainment, and in advertising -- only to the crudest most exaggerated appeals...Young & Rubicam has ample proof that this average American responds to advertising that respects his intelligence and appeals to him on that level"
 Yeah, well the 2016 election of Donald Trump as president is proof that appeals to fear, ignorance and bigotry, are far more powerful.

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The Acme Mustache Guard

"The Acme Mustache Guard. Solid comfort while eating. No use for napkins - does not interfere with use of mouth. Made of gold or silver plate. Everyone should have one!"
18th Century men used waxes, greases and fats to keep their mustaches in place. It was bad enough having that smell right under your nose, but it also got in the way of eating and drinking because heat would cause the waxes and fats to melt.  

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Harness Electric Corsets

"By wearing these perfectly designed Corsets the most awkward figure becomes graceful and elegant, the internal organs are speedily strengthened. THE CHEST IS AIDED IN ITS HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT."
The Electric Corset was sold by Cornelius Bennett Harness, proprietor of the Ammoniaphone. His Medical Battery Company’s main product was the ‘electropathic’ belt, which contained zinc and copper plates that were somehow supposed to generate a health-giving current.


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 GE Bathroom Sunlamp

In 1893, Niels Finsen studied the effects of natural sunlight and artificial lights on skin. He later discovered that certain wavelengths of light can generate healing properties.
Since then, sunlamps have been used to treat skin disorders, burns, sleep disorders, neonatal jaundice and even some psychiatric disorders.


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Coca-Cola - The Ideal Brain Tonic

It is well-known that Coca-Cola originally contained small amounts of coca extract. In the late 1800s many patent medicines contained coca and other opiates, but by 1900 the dangers of opiates were becoming clear. Coca-Cola couldn't eliminate the coca and still keep their patent on the formula, but by 1902 it was reduced to as little as 1/400 of a grain of cocaine per ounce of syrup. Coca-Cola didn’t become completely cocaine-free until 1929, but there was scarcely any of the drug left in the drink by then.


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Falsies

Falsies are padding for use in a brassiere to create the appearance of larger breasts. Falsies made of foam rubber first became available in the 1930s, shortly after the introduction of the modern brassiere. And the desire for for a fuller bosom continues unabated. Almost all bras today come with padding and breast enlargement is now the second-most popular cosmetic surgery operation, after liposuction.

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Brooks Appliance

 "It has an Automatic Air Cushion which softly yet securely holds the rupture in any position. No steel springs or pads.  No salves or plasters. Durable. cheap. Sent on trial to prove it. Beware of imitations."
 The first really effective and safe operation for rupture was devised by Dr. Edward Earle Shouldice of Toronto in 1945.

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Remote Control Channel Changer

"The channel changer not only changes the channels but also turns the television off or on . . . all with one switch." What, no volume control? And so began the obesity epidemic in America!

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Bottle Buddy

This kid is too old to be drinking from a bottle. Any baby who can sit up by himself, hold his head up, and open his mouth for a spoon is ready to begin using a sippy cup. And certainly by 12 months of age, most babies have the coordination and hand skills needed to hold a cup and drink from it.

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Curves of Youth

Worried about a double chin? Professor Eugene Mack’s Chin Reducer and Beautifier will eliminate and efface double chins, and give your skin the resiliency and freshness of youth; all while reducing “enlarged glands.” 

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Men of Action

"They double as sensational swim trunks!
White, Black, Nude. (Word of warning. White, when wet becomes transparent)"


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Beer before bed

 "Mother Knows Best." ~ Instead of cookies and milk before bedtime, why not let baby crack open a cold one? And don't forget Mom and Dad too!

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How to hypnotize

 "Want the thrill of imposing your will over someone? Of making someone do exactly what you order? Try hypnotism!"
 Men who sent away for this were probably more interested in something besides making young women cluck like a chicken.

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Body Beautiful System

Here is the “Body Beautiful System 5 Minute Shaper” with over 100 soft latex “shaping tips.” The ad is quite vague about how this device actually works, but it's apparently "weight loss via orgasm."


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Less than $900 puts you in your own popcorn business

"6 SQUARE FEET of floor space -- all that you need to start selling" Well, that and electricity to run the popper, and lots of foot traffic.
"$150 per Week Clear Profit" but only if you are "aggressive."


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The Chore Girl

 The Metal Textile Corporation was founded in 1922 by Barclay and Russell Kingman for the development of various applications of knit metal mesh. "The Chore Girl" was invented in 1926.

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Chlorodent

The Chlorodent marketing department specialized in condescending remarks like this one: “No Halloween mask scares off a man as much as ‘morning mouth.'” Capitalizing on women’s insecurities, Chlorodent urges anyone with the dreaded morning mouth to use the product before they are dumped for extreme halitosis.

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Float-ees

 Making it to adulthood without learning to swim can be quite embarrassing. You can’t very well put on some water-wings or a rubber ducky inner-tube. Float-ees is the solution! "Also can be worn by women with their own swim suit bra."

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Kids need the energy candy gives
Once upon a time candy was not the unhealthy villain it is viewed today but an “essential” nutrient. Through the first half of the 20th century, sweets and  sugar were deemed essential to health -- good tasting and good for you. In fact, during WWII it was sanctioned by the government as part of the 7 essential food groups.

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Injectable Whole Opium

 "From the juice of the poppy
Pantopon contains only the active principles of opium refined, water soluble, injectable -- no inactive constituents to be separated out."
Displayed in the American Journal of Surgery for readers to purchase, this injectable opium ad promises ‘dependable pain relief’ among other health benefits. This 1940s ad states that the product is "bound to please you."

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You can make big money entertaining the public 

"No other business pays such large returns for the little effort required. We furnish complete outfits. The work is easy, strictly high-class and any man can operate the outfit by following our instructions."
Apparently, no actual talent is required either.

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Put on Airs with Blow Ups

 "Have fun -- pick your bust size, and blow up this cute curve-maker to just the look you like. Non skid elastic..."
The inflatable bra was introduced in 1952, with expandable air pockets that would help every woman achieve "the perfect contour."

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Famous Artist Course

 In 1948 Albert Dorne created a correspondence school for art. He recruited eleven other very well-known artists and illustrators, including Norman Rockwell, to found the Famous Artists School. The other founding members included John Atherton, Austin Briggs, Stevan Dohanos, Robert Fawcett, Peter Helck, Fred Ludekens, Al Parker, Ben Stahl, Harold von Schmidt and Jon Whitcomb.

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Reduce Your Flesh 

Dr. Jeanne Walter patented a rubber bandage in 1904. Later she invented a two-piece rubber suit of undergarments designed to retain perspiration and heat for therapeutic purposes. By 1909 this had developed into a full-body garment that was supposed to compress all your extra flesh into a svelte figure. Walter then developed other specialized garments for different parts of the body – a brassiere to reduce large busts, leg wraps to create slender ankles, a beer-gut reducer for men, and a Chin and Neck Reducer

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Sunday, October 1, 2017

Even More Funny Vintage Ads

Advertising has always been an interesting way to look at history. But when you see these vintage advertisements, the past seems a lot weirder than you thought.


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Vinyl shower hood

Protects hairdo and face from shower spray, because you wouldn't want to ruin that make-up.


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She's about to lose her back seat driver

 "Don't be a loser. Use Head & Shoulders...the winner." Coming from a guy dressed in that jacket, you have no room to talk, buddy. She’s an attractive gal, so try staring at her butt instead of the back of her head, and be thankful for what you’ve got.


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AB hancer

The Ab Hancer is a quick and easy way to give yourself a nice set of abs in minutes, without the work out.
It is light weight, easy to hide under your clothing, and dramatically enhances your abs!


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War Surplus Gas Masks

Real Gas Masks that originally cost $2.50. This great toy value makes you look like a man from Mars, Fine for spraying paint, insecticides, etc. Has big plastic, shatterproof goggles, intake and exhaust valves, filtering cannister, etc. Be the first among your play mates to own one.

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Dila-Therm

Prostatitis is the inflammation of the prostate gland and it can really hurt, but the Dila-Therm cure may be worse than the disease. The DILA-THERM Company Inc. was formed in 1941 and sued by the FTC in 1949 for false advertising.

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Clark's Thinning Bath Salts
 Superfluous Tissue Melts Away!
"This method of combating all tendency to fat formation is the one practised by beautiful French women, who add to their customary bath some Sel Amaigrissant Clarks. The action of these Salts is to melt the superfluous fat, and to draw it naturally away through the pores. No massage or drugs required -- just an ordinary hot bath and Clark's Thinning Bath Salts."

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Massosein

 "To Strengthen the Breasts.
Only one treatment yields lasting results. Massosein Super and Star exercises a toning action on the muscular fibrils and the mammary glands -- it quickly opens the collapsed breasts and develops the insufficient breasts."


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Woman invents dimple machine

 Isabella Gilbert must have spent a significant portion of her life distressed over her lack of dimples, because in 1936 she invented this spring-loaded contraption that promised to "make a fine set of dimples" by pressing a pair of knobs into the cheeks. The American Medical Association argued that the “Dimple Maker” would not make dimples or even enlarge original dimples. They also stated that prolonged use of the device might actually cause cancer.


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good sense corset waists

Ferris Brothers introduced a brand of children’s and women’s corsets called Ferris Good Sense Waists. These corsets were considered healthier and more progressive than the traditional corsets for girls and young women because they did not cinch in the waistline too tightly and, for the most part, they abandoned the custom of using whale bone or steel stays that actually did harm to developing bodies. The development of rubberized elastic materials in 1911 helped the girdle replace the corset.

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Milton Hershey was the first to make milk chocolate commercially, with mass production techniques, and using fresh milk. Hershey's classic maroon color paper wrapper was introduced about 1902 and described the contents as "A Nutritious Convection" and “More Sustaining Than Meat.” Print advertisements called the chocolate “A Meal in Itself”

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I could feel his eyes accusing me

This vintage gem for the drain cleaner Drano used that awkward ‘I just clogged the toilet’ feeling to successfully sell their product. In this ad, a wife can feel her husband’s eyes accusing her of jamming the drains. ‘He’d look at me as if to say, “Your fault!” And it was.’


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dr scott's electric girdle for men

Dr. George Augustus Scott, was a prolific advertiser of "electric" quack products in late nineteenth century America. Scott marketed electric plasters, insoles, rheumatic rings, shoulder braces, throat protectors, nerve and lung invigorators, body belts, wrist bands, sciatic appliances, anklets, leg appliances, and many other products. These devices were made by the Pall Mall Electric Association and extremely popular with consumers for several years until they were superseded by other quack products from competing companies.

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 Fairy Soap

Turning blacks white with soap or paint was a common advertising theme circa 1890 -- 1930s.
Nathaniel Kellogg Fairbanks was born in Sodus, New York County in 1829 and moved to Chicago after the Civil War where he created a business importing cottonseed oil and processing the manufacturing of soaps. His most popular product was Fairy Soap which was named from the first four letters of Fairbanks last name.
A recent Chinese advertisement portrays a laundry detergent as so strong it can wash away the skin color of a black man. The ad features a woman luring her black boyfriend into a laundry room, sneakily popping a detergent capsule in his mouth, shoving him head first into the washer, and sitting on the lid until the spin cycle has completed its race-altering alchemy.


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I Take One Everywhere I Take My Penis

It’s better than what your parents used and it works during the day as well as the night! Of course “it” is still a blast.
This poster was created in 1993 for a Seattle area campaign against AIDS


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heavy where she has to take the strain

It's hard to tell what this advertisement was for, (some sort of construction equipment?) but the back view of a naked and voluptuous female was supposed to attract the male audience.

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Dr Blosser's Medical Cigarettes

Dr Blosser's Medical Cigarettes didn't contain tobacco, but crushed and dried herbs. Government chemists found the cigarettes were composed of chamomile, anise, cubeb, and pepper. Such plants contained an alkaloid called Atropine that causes mild bronchodilation, and made breathing easier. Indian Hemp and Cannabis are were also included in some brands.

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Mattel's new M-16 Marauder

Mattel's M-16 Marauder was a full sized replica of the real thing. When you cocked the rifle and pulled the trigger the Marauder let loose the sound of machine gun fire. The more you cocked the gun, the longer the burst.
There is nothing about this "gun" that identifies it as a toy. In 1992, the US Department of Commerce prohibited the manufacture, sale, or shipping of toy firearms unless they have an orange tip or are entirely brightly colored.

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Glamour Bonnet

 "Not a deep-sea diver, but a beauty-parlor patron in the vacuum helmet," reads the ad for the Glamour Bonnet. This bonnet lowers atmospheric pressure around the face; promising a rosy, youthful complexion while your brain is damaged from a lack of oxygen.

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Danderine

 "Intended to Assist in Cleansing Dandruff from the Scalp, thus Aid in Stopping Falling Hair and Assisting the Growth of Hair."
Danderine Scalp Tonic was first marketed around 1895 by the Knowlton Danderine Company of Chicago, Ill. Danderine was mostly alcohol, with glycerin, boric acid and resorcin (the anti-dandruff part of the formula), salicylic acid (aspirin), capsicum (pepper), and apparently cantharidin, a potentially lethal chemical that's infamously known as "Spanish Fly."

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Contains:
No Artificial flavors
No Artificial Colors
No Preservatives
No Nothing

And it's gluten free! From 1947, Bernard actually sold many dehydrated foods, canned foods, dietetic products, and other products meant for institutional or restaurant food use. They were also one of the first companies to use an artificial sweetener in a baking mix.


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Bradley Group Showers

"Why did we put our heads together
To Save Money!"

For pure and unadulterated homoerotic voyeurism, what could be a better hotbed of hormones than a bunch of virile young men in the buff vigorously showering together. Not sure how putting their heads together saved them money, but they look happy so let's not judge.

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Hear Muffs

 “Hear Muffs don’t look like headphones, they look more like a giant fuzzy doughnut with a bite missing. And they don’t feel like headphones; your head doesn’t get clamped – it gets cradled. You rest on a soft cushion, not a lump of steel and plastic.” 
Hear Muffs were invented by Stephen Hanson of Downers Grove, Illinois. They were headphones encased in a wraparound foam pillow, that came with a washable velour cover. Just what a swinging single needs in the sack.

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 Is Peter Pain beating your head with a sap? Rub Ben-Gay on it. But wait, why would you put Ben-Gay on your head?
Bengay was developed in France by Dr. Jules BenguΓ©, and brought to America in 1898. It contains Methyl salicylate, which can be toxic when large doses are administered, and it can also be used to remove chewing gum from clothing.

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Play Guitar Like the Cowboys Do

 "Just out -- very latest guaranteed, simple, easy method. Play cowboy songs the Western way in a few minutes by ear. Surprise and amaze your friends. Be in big demand at parties, camps, public entertainments, on the radio, etc. 12 Complete Lessons."
"Send No Money...Nothing else to buy."
But, what about the guitar?


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Free Bomber Trip to Berlin

 Rationing was part of life on the US Home Front during World War II. Along with gasoline, sugar, coffee, processed foods, meat, and cheese—fats and oils were rationed. The American Fat Salvage Committee was created to urge housewives to save all the excess fat rendered from cooking and donate it to the army to produce explosives. Since meats, oils, and butter were all rationed, women had to re-use fat for frying as often as possible before collecting it in a can and turning it in.

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 Come out of the bone age
  Back in the dark ages of women's lingerie, many under-garments were fitted with stiffeners to make certain areas either perky or flatter. They were originally made from strips of bone, and would poke the wearer in indelicate and uncomfortable places. Eventually the bones were made of spring steel, which poked even harder.
This ad is touting the company's pioneering use of something called "springlets" which evidently were less likely to inflict fashion torture.
But why is the caveman wearing Roman sandals? And why is the woman talking on the phone?


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Jello and turkey

Don't know what to do with turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce leftovers? Just cram everything into a jello mold and call it cran-turkey Jello!

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Toilet Paper Box

 This is an early paper dispenser for public toilets. It claims "Enormous economy, effecting a saving in paper of 50 per cent" because "Only one sheet at a time can be withdrawn from the Box, the Paper being folded by a patented process." And for your additional comfort, "The Paper is absolutely antiseptic, being sanitised  with Jeyes' Fluid, which is a specific for Piles."

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freckle remover

Most of the popular freckle removers contained mercury compounds. Some of these products were produced in double and triple strength formulations, with levels of mercury compounds that reached 10-15% or more. In the 1940s, after the introduction of the 1938 Food, Drugs and Cosmetics Act, the FDA moved to reduce the levels of mercury compounds to 5% or less.

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Think of her as your mother 

 Think of her as your mother. Like when she tells you sit up straight and put away your computer, or when she says you can't have another drink or any more snacks.
"This is not just maternal instinct. It’s the result of the longest Stewardess training in the industry. Training in service, not just a beauty course."

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Disco Brief
"Disco the night away in this sheer nylon, light-as-a-feather, peek-a-boo brief. A super-styled muscle hugger gives you super support for that super sexy disco feeling."
Many gay clubs used to have underwear nights where you could just wear underwear in the club. Most of the underwear worn on those nights was designed to show off the naughty bits.

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